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You know, I do speak the Queens English. It's just the wrong Queens that's all. It's over the 59th Street Bridge. It's not over the Atlantic Ocean.- Cyndi Lauper
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Location:Buenos Aires, Argentina
Date:3/19/13

Queen of XWF

[We begin today in the spacious living quarters of XWFs First Lady. The cameramen slowly inch up into the entertainment room of the large mansion, and zoom in closer to the large high definition television set in the center of the room. The camera slowly pans behind Ursula, who is sitting in her pajamas watching television. Ursula lifts up her arm to change the channel, and then quickly sits up in excitement. Camera zooms in closer to the television to show Ursula's brand new XWF promotional commercial. The commercial quickly goes through clips from Ursula's illustrious career, from winning a Women's championship , to winning the Jr. Heavyweight Champion, even winning the Riot's championship, , and then winning the World Championship. Ursula appears on the television, wearing a pair of baggy blue jeans and a sleevless black t-shirt. She points into the camera as she speaks to the millions of fans.]


Ursula- "You think I CARE if you fear me?You think I care about your Dissociative Identity Disorder? You think I care about your Sado-Masochistic? That's where you're wrong, rookies. I DON'T care that you was 24/7 FTW UFO E1999 Champion. You can come out and talk all the trash you two want about being destruction, about being THE MAN. Nether of you will be the man, and that will never happen. The problem is, you two have each other's heads so far up you’re asses that you aren't seeing things clearly.


[Ursula begins to get angry as she continues her rant.]


Ursula- "Listen up, and you two might actually LEARN something. You think I fear you? Didn't anyone tell you? I fear NO ONE. I was making superstars my bitches, when you two were sitting at home WISHING you were superstars. You're full of self hype with an overblown ego. What makes you different from all the other superstars out there? Make no mistake, I will not back down from you two. I do not fear you. At Madness, you two WILL meet your destiny, because I've made a career out of defying the odds. I've made a career out of taking out the worthless talent, and you two are no exception. Stay out of my way, and I'll leave you to your meaningless existence in the world of sports entertainment.


[The screen fades. Ursula changes the channel as her face lights up with pride. She stands up and takes a big, long stretch. She briefly glances at her watch and realizes that it's almost time to catch her plane. She heads for the bathroom to take a shower and begins to pack. Just another day in the life of XWF's First Lady.]

******


Location:Dallas, Texas
3/20/13

It's just one thing after another isn't there? I can't get any rest. I can't go home for one day. I can't take a week in Siberia or Las Vegas, Nevada
. Gargamel it, why do they utterly insist that I be everywhere in the same gods forsaken week!?"


Ursula was stomping out of the airport her luggage in hand, and the ever loyal Cerb trotting at his owner's side, unleashed, as usual. She stops at the curb and looks around.


"Not one single taxi, go figure, right Cerb?"


She looks down at the massive brown dog who looks back up at her with his big golden/amber eyes and wags his tail.


"At least you only demand that I feed you."


She looked around and found an one of those airline employees that stand at the podiums outside on the sidewalks and pointed at him.


"Hey! You! Yeah, I'm talking to you, don't just stand there looking like a deer in the headlights! Call a cab for me!"


The woman was a young blonde, which doesn't say much because Ursula is a young blonde, but she was Mexican as well. But the girl looked like she was only about twenty or so, and not very bright. She nodded and obliged Ursula, picking up her podium phone, and pressing a few buttons. After a few moments she hung up and looked back to Ursula who was waiting impatiently.


"Ma'am there in a large slew of airport taxis on their way here now, they should all be here within the next few minutes. I'm sorry for the wait."


"Whatever."


Its not like she had much else to do right? She turned her back to the woman and set one of her bags down.


"I'm going home after this. After the match Cerb, we are flying right home! We are going to sleep in our own beds for five days! I haven't seen my house in a week and a half. First Siberia, where I couldn't even take you with me. And then I was forced to interview which I am still not happy about. And immediately I have to leave Las Vegas, Nevada right away to fly out here. What the hell? Being one of the top wrestlers in the industry does a lot, but I have my modeling career to worry about. I have XWF that needs seeing to...as well, but then there is Picture Prefect, and thats only me for right now. I don't have a second in command there. I refuse to wory about that ight now. Maybe I put too much on my plate, yeah Cerb? My agent might be right after all."


She looks over as Cerb again.


"Do not tell him I told you that."


The dog wagged his tail at her and she smiled. Just then a line of airport taxis came rolling up to a stop along the curb. Ursula stepped into the one that stopped right in front of her, along with Cerb and her luggage. The taxi drove off, it's driver a young man who couldn't get enough of Ursula's revealing cleavage in his mirror. He smirked.


"So, where am I taking such a lovely lady?"


"You're taking me to the hotel. I've got a match next week. And make it quick. I'd like to get there before I'm too old to walk up to the front door."


"Oh! I thought I recognized you(r tits)! You're Ursula right?"


"Yeah, I am."


"I saw your match for Madness. I watched the whole show. It was so crazy! Talk about hard core I don't know how they do it at all. Even weekly matches, you people are crazy! So what sort of match do you have tonight?"


Ursula sat back in her seat resting her feet on Cerb who was laying in on the side of the back seat. She answered him with annoyance dripping from every word. Ursula didn't like fans. That much at all.


"It's a triple threat match. Against a dumbass wrestler wearing a mask, and a Sick Virgin."


"Oh yeah?"


"Yeah. That idiot Paul Heyman, the little weasel! He hires some of the worst talent, he just didn't try hiring some better people, at all. Pathetic excuse for a human being. He would have made an better choice for sure. But no, he had to pansy foot out like his lame yellow tail was on fire. I don't think Agony can't handle the real hardcore of this show. He can't handle the in your face, bring it we are all about. Life must have got in his way. He let it pile up on him. He got over whelmed, and he drowned. The only real hardcore thing this boy ever did, was run in the opposite direction for his life. No pride. No balls. No Confidence. Just a scrawny little white boy who let life get to him, when he should have fought. Well now he's going to fight, because I'm going to make him. I'm going to show him what really happens to little girl's like him. I'm going to show him if he wants to wrestle, if he wants to be able to play with the big dogs, he needs to have the kahones to go out there and take the proverbial bone from the other's dog's jaw, and beat that person with it until there's out cold. And because he can't do that, this big dog is going to make him hurt. Is going to show him he's just another liter runt who's going to be walked all over for the rest of his life."


"What if that changes nothing?"


"Agony can try and man up if he really wants too. Do you really think it would change anything? Hell no! He will still be a little bitch. I am not his mother, his caretaker, or even his babysitter. I am the top bitch on this roster, and I am his opponent. If he thinks I scared him before when he saw he would face me, he's going to lose his mind when he realizes that was nothing."


"But he's not your only opponent."


She went from annoyance to epic sarcasm in .0003 seconds.


"Oh yeah. Right! Because a no talent druggie with a hard on for group sex cos-play is going to be a problem! Nail Capra , or Neil Capra or whatever the hell his name is, is worthless. He runs around in spandex and pretends to be a super hardcore person...that wrestles? He's worse than the others! And that is pretty bad! I've been in the ring with potheads before. They're worthless. A hit to the head and they're useless. He'll lay there on the mat int he corner while I do away with Agony, and that'll be the end of it. Seriously, he runs around being Sick! I'm sorry but that sounds like a person that don't believe your not a match to me. Maybe a little crazy too, seeing as they apparently "Sado-Masochistic" . Which I can only assume is code for "Ass raping one another". I'll be in and out of there in next to no time. I won't break a sweat. It'll be a cool down match. I've have been running in the past ."


"Here we are."


The taxi pulled up the arena, and came to a stop. Ursula stepped out, followed by Cerb and grabbed her things. She handed him a fifty through the window.


"Keep the change and be ban here in a hour to take me back. This will not take long."


She turned and headed towards the building, Cerb walking beside her,


[screen fades]