Scott takes us up to 90 as we cruise along the expressway en route to Motor City. Pac is in the passenger seat with a bitch stretched out between the both of them as she goes down on his knob. Pac takes a drink out of their bottle of Patrón Silver before he passes it off to Scott. Scott can't even grasp the bottle; it slips through his fingers and hits the floor mat.

RAZOR Hey Pac, you spilled the drink on my new boots, maing.

X-PAC Dude, I handed it right to you- EYES ON THE ROAD!

Scott nearly kills us as the high beams of an oncoming tractor-trailer light up X-Pac and his ho. Pac has to dive across the center console to jerk the wheel back on course.

RAZOR Dude, I'm trying my best but your ho's foot keeps bumpin' into my crotch.

X-PAC Here, I'll get the bottle for you...

Pac has to work his way through the legs of his date in order to reach the bottle. He doesn't even realize it, but in the process of moving her around, he accidentally tosses her ass over the side of the car like it's the 1998 Royal Rumble or something.

RAZOR Oh shit, Pac! I think you just eliminated your ho from the car.

X-PAC The fuck are you talking about- OH shit! I didn't even realize what I was doing, man.

RAZOR We're flyin' too, man. It ain't gonna be a pretty sight back there.

X-PAC Well, we're not going back. Fuck, dude. It probably wouldn't have happened had you not spilled the drink.

RAZOR Whatever, dude. I'm takin' this exit, I need to get some food in me.

A minute later, the duo pulls up to a Jack in the Box drive thru.

RAZOR Hey chico, give me a couple of them bacon ranch tacos.

X-PAC Hey dude, get me a drink too while you're at it.

RAZOR Hey and a coke too, chico.

They go through the process of paying at the window before driving off with a bag full of tacos. X-Pac has the Jack in the Box soft drink in his hand and dumps it out of the car.

RAZOR Hey I spent like two bucks on the shit, Kid. What the hell are you doing?

X-PAC Chill dude, I gotta shit.

RAZOR Hey man, are you serious? You're not really gonna shit in that cup, are you?

X-PAC I really gotta go, so yeah. I'm gonna shit all up in this cup.

RAZOR That's pretty nasty, Pac. If you needed to shit, all you had to do was say somethin'. Let me take you to a gas station, maing.

X-PAC Hey no! You keep us on the road. I've got this.

RAZOR Why are you so determined to shit in the cup, Pac? You can't use the facilities like a normal person?

X-PAC Dude, look. It's for our match.

RAZOR What do you mean it's for our match? You gonna wear it like war paint or something, chico?

X-PAC No! I'm gonna take the cup of shit and then throw it in Maverick's bags. That way after he loses, he gets a mouthful of my shit when he opens his bag.

RAZOR Awwww chico, that's horrible.

While this conversation is taking place, we've heard X-Pac defecating into the cup.

RAZOR Sounds pretty rough, maing. You better not get that shit on the seats.

X-PAC Relax, I've done this many times. I'm a pro at it.

RAZOR Sounds pretty rough, chico. You better not get that shit on the seats.

X-PAC Just drive, dude. Try not to hit anything.

Razor says something but it's muffled due to his slurred speech and mouth full of food.


Scully, what the fuck was all incessant rambling about?

Why didn't he just shit in a cup?!

Fuck... You give these kids a mic and they take it as an opportunity to talk non-stop about nothing.

Seriously, the production crew gave you an ample amount of time to cut a promo on the best wrestlers in the business, and that bullshit was the best that you could come up with?

I could have recorded myself shitting into a Wendy's cup for 5 minutes and it would have had more substance than what you put out.

You devoted the first half to sucking our dicks, like me and the KLIQ aren't aware of our title wins and accomplishments..

And then when you weren't sucking our dicks, you were directing threats towards your own partners!

Quote:If Derrick doesn't pull his weight, I will personally beat the crap out of him.

Oh shit, Derrick... Are you gonna let him talk to you like that? Man, if Shawn ever talked to me in that tone, I would personally shit in his fucking bags!

But yeah, it just baffled me how this guy did his promo. His gimmick must be that he's the exact opposite of Maverick. Instead of being a book filled with lies, he's filled with useless wrestling facts.

Like he's a wrestling encyclopedia or something.

Or what do they call it now?

... Wikipedia? Is that it? Am I facing the Wrestling Wikipedia this week?

You see, this is why promoters have to turn to the old guard instead of trusting you young bucks.

Ratings are in the shit-filled Wendy's cup because people like Scully never learned how to cut a proper promo. Instead he just crammed his brain full of as much useless wrestling facts as he could.

And then you got Maverick going around doing punches and senton bombs while lying about being trained by my good friends Lance Storm, Chris Jericho, and William Regal.

Go have a look at Maverick's move list. It's the most pathetic thing that I've ever seen. There's no way that either of those three men trained him. I'm 100% sure that Maverick is just a mark for the three of them.

Apparently, one of his biggest moves is one that he can't even perform on anyone from my team. Yeah, that totally sounds like something Lance Storm would teach.

Quote:6. Powerbomb (only does this to smaller opponents)

Wait, so this motherfucker can't even do a powerbomb to anyone larger than 6' 1", 187 pounds? Well, I'm pretty sure everyone on my team is over the 200 pound mark.

Let's see what other moves that Regal, Jericho, and Storm "taught" him.

Quote:4. Scoop Slam
5. Body Slam

Wow, you'd think that one of his trainers would have explained to him how these two moves are essentially the SAME FUCKING THING!

Quote:8. Double Underhook Suplex
15. Amateur Wrestling- like takedown
Spinebuster

Dude, if you can't even do a powerbomb to someone who's bigger than you, then you won't be able to hit anyone on my team with these moves.

Why even use that, or the 9 other suck ass moves that you attempt to perform?

I think you're lying about all of this.

You say that you only powerbomb guys who are smaller than you, but I'm thinking that you don't even know what a powerbomb is since you think a body slam and a scoop slam are two different wrestling holds.

They might be two different holds according to someone with zero in-ring experience like Michael Cole.

I bet that's who really trained you, isn't it Maverick?

Well guess what!?

Come Monday night, it's gonna be VINTAGE KLIQ in the house!

And after I put you and the rest of the job squad down, I'll have only two words left for ya...


SUCK IT!