((Outside a nice Los Angeles home, we see a big pool patio with a nice, clean pool. It’s one of the good ones, like at expensive apartment complexes. You know, with the little waterfalls and the separate hot tub? Like that. Roxy Cotton is there, not wearing much more than dental floss for a bathing suit and a pair of stripper-height heels. Also, she is walking a couple of plates with hamburgers on them over to “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane and Diesel, who are sitting in deck chairs and wearing matching speedo swimwear. (Loverboy, as always, is also wearing the three Trios belts)))

Loverboy: Awesome, babe! You make a great waitress!

Roxy: Aw, thanks sweetie! I wish I had a platter to lay myself on just for you!

Loverboy: That’s ‘cause you’re the best, babe! But, uh, look I don’t wanna be rude or, like, a buzzkill or anything sweetie, but can you throw a cover on or something before Gator and Todd get here? I don’t want to upset anyone, you know? Gator just got a girlfriend, and I don’t know if she’s coming or not but either way – he’ll feel bad about staring at all your awesome girly bits.

((Roxy pouts for a second, but then leans forward and kisses Loverboy on the cheek, handing him and Diesel their burgers and smiling.))

Roxy: I understand, babe. I don’t want to give that Todd guy a heart attack, either. He seems…

((Loverboy raises his eyebrows at Roxy, obviously suggesting she watch whatever she is about to say carefully.))

Roxy: … nice. He seems really nice. I’ll be right back guys!

((Roxy slinks away as both Diesel and Loverboy raise their sunglasses off of their eyes to watch her walking. As she slides open the glass door to the house and vanishes, Diesel takes a massive bite of his burger and then nudges Loverboy with his elbow, almost knocking him out of the chair.))

Loverboy: Ow! Dude, you almost made me spill my coconut Mai Tai!

((Oh, I forgot, Diesel and Loverboy each have little Mai Tais made out of coconut shells with umbrellas sticking out of them. Sorry for the interruption.))

Diesel: Shawn, I think it’s really cool that you and Jenny are still together.

Loverboy: Jenny?

Diesel: Yeah, man. After what happened at WrestleMania XI, I wasn’t sure if you two would be able to work through it.

((Diesel’s lower lips starts to quiver and his nose begins to run. A single tear falls down his cheek.))

Diesel: I just… I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I’d ruined your chance at love, Heartbreak! And I swear I didn’t touch her, man, Jenny McCarthy’s innocence was still fully intact! I didn’t mean to hurt you! YOU SHOULD KICK ME IN THE FACE RIGHT NOW!

((Diesel leaps up from the deck chair, spilling his coconut Mai Tai and spreading burger bun crumbs everywhere.))

Diesel: DO IT! DO ITTTT!

Loverboy: What the hell? What’s that in the pool?

((Looking over at the beautiful blue water in the deep end of the pool, a red cylinder is seen moving toward the edge of the water. As it nears the side, the classic JAWS theme starts to play.))

((Suddenly, popping out of the water with a big splash is Gator! He’s got his mask on with a snorkel over it!))

Gator: Wot wot! Pip pip pip! ‘Ello, gits, are you all-roite?

Loverboy: Gator!
Diesel: Aldo!

Gator: Right-O! ‘E’ve been ‘ere for a bit now, me and Todd have. Just takin’ a bit of a splasher in yer pool now, aren’t we?

Diesel: Aldo, is Harvey Wippleman with you? He owes me money. I bet on him in that tuxedo match with Howard Finkel. LOL Who loses to Finkel?

((Loverboy steps closer to the pool and looks in, seeing the form of Hot Todd down at the bottom, he gasps and starts to dive in.))

Loverboy: Todd, no! This is just like what happened to Tommy Lee!

SPLASH!

Todd: Hey guys.

((Todd surfaced as soon as Loverboy jumped in.))

Gator: Wot wot! What were y’ goin’ down there f’so long, ye scallywag?

((Gator grabs Todd in a noogie and the two begin to splash fight, laughing.))

Todd: HEE HEE HEE!
Gator: HEE HEE HEE!
Diesel: OH MY GOD, HBK IS DROWNING!





((Gator and Todd spin around and look in the water behind them. Sure enough, Loverboy is at the bottom of the pool, struggling under the weight of all his Trios Championship belts! He’s thrashing and clawing at the water but can’t seem to float to the top!))

Diesel: I’ll save you Shawn! CANONBALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

((Diesel runs to the pool and dives in like a hero, sending Gator and Todd against the steps with the force of his wave. Todd sheepishly looks away, ashamed, as bubbles float up next to him.))

Gator: Dude….

Todd: Sorry.

((Suddenly, Diesel pops back up from below the surface holding Loverboy in his arms like a newborn baby. He plops the rock n’ roll megastar onto the side of the pool and immediately starts administering CPR with mouth to mouth, even though Loverboy is clearly conscious.))

Diesel: No Shawn no! Stay with me little buddy!

Loverboy: Dude, I’m fine, stop kissing m-

((Diesel has already brought his tear streaked face back down onto Loverboy’s. Gator and Todd uncomfortably turn away to give them privacy. Diesel raises his arms over his head and screams into the sky.))

Diesel: TAKE ME INSTEAD, GOD! TAKE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Loverboy: Dude! Dude I’m alive! Uh…

((Loverboy thinks of something and snaps his fingers.))

Loverboy: You saved my life, Big D! Now we’re even for WrestleMania XI!

Diesel: YAY!
Todd: YAY!
Gator: Yes, quite.
Loverboy: YAY!

((Finally, Roxy comes back out of the house wearing a demure pool robe over her skimpy bathing suit and carrying a plate of cookies! EVERYONE GETS COOKIES AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY!))