It wasn't fun being tied up in the back at Wednesday Night Warfare, but it was nice too. I don't recall who tied me up or what happened. It doesn't really matter because I'm free now and it was just a temporary act on a scared little puppy, who evidence seems to point at the current Universal Champion known now as Shades. You don't tie up a person you don't fear. You let them be because you know in reality you can easily take them down at a speak of a word. I decided to rest and, man, did I get some rest. Whoever tied me up gave me a few hours of relaxation and solitude even if that wasn't their intent.

I'm not sure what I had to eat or drink prior to walking into the arena, but whatever it was it had to be something different. Some would call it drugs. I don't see food or drugs affecting my mind all that much. It is far too strong to be under the influence of anything other than simple truth. It was a dream. It was a vision given from above to show how the people really are...-----------------------------------




How did I end up in Kansas? There's nothing here. I own property here, but that's about it as far as my ties go to this state. I walk out of one of my homes that I haven't seen in years. I'm not sure how I ended up there. It was the first thing I noticed. The bricks were cracked. The windows were barely staying in place. The roof looks like it had been through several hail storms and no repairs. After I shook my head trying to recalculate what had happened, it was then I noticed I was in Kansas. It's hard to tell you how I knew exactly where I was, but the sign in this field that said, "Welcome To The Great State of Kansas" seemed to be a good indicator. Plus I could see a few miles away the property I owned that was strictly unique to Kansas. All my property is that way.

It wasn't cold nor hot. The wind seemed to have been strong a few seconds ago but had seemingly dwindled down. I looked to my left and saw the strong wind moving in that direction. It had been without question a strong wind storm. It carried my house from one state to another somehow. I didn't see any other destruction in the path of this wind so I was still trying to gather my thoughts together.

I sat down in the grass and began trying to make sense of all this nonsense, but it was just the beginning. I knew it wasn't going to be a mundane day. Just then, I heard a strange noise coming from underneath the house. It was hard to make out what exactly the noise was but it was rather high pitch. When I saw what came out from underneath my home... I wasn't sure if I were dreaming or awake. Really? A minion? I wondered if Dr. Zero was lurking around with his briefcase waiting to cash in. He looked to be alone. He was a bit startled by what he say as well. I knew what we needed to do. We were to go on a journey together to find answers.

We started to walk in this open field but kept our eyes on each other. After a few hours of walking in the same direction the wind went... we were looking at a large forest. The trees were as tall as a skyscraper. They appeared to be countless like the stars in the sky stretching from east to west. The minion was a bit terrified, but I wasn't. It was trees. We pushed through and strangely enough, after about 50 yards, the large forest was finished. We were in some village with houses everywhere and so close together. We both heard noises. It sounded so damn famili.... oh no.


They were everywhere. Was this Dr. Zero's secret hide out where he had been since he vanished from the XWF? They all came towards me and accepted me as one of their own. I guess it due to the fact I had one of them with me. They were a strange bunch. You could easily hate them or love them. I wasn't sure what I thought about them, but they were annoying. That was for sure.

They took me into their little village and showed me around without really saying any words I understood. This was a foreign tongue I have never heard. I understood what they were telling me due to their eyes and body language, so it wasn't that difficult to communicate. Then came a strong wind-like noise and they all scattered away to hide. It was a black guy dressed in what looked to be hip hop gangster clothes. [/color]

"Muh name, brah, is I'mma-nig-muh, man. Whatchoo doin' on my turf?"

What the hell did I just hear? These minions may fear this 'eh-nig-ma' man, but he looks just like an ordinary person trying to start something with the wrong guy.

"The name is Eli James. And you, homie... you are standing in my world on my land. Two options."

"Chill dawg. I gots brothers in the hood near by, ya feel me? I ain't scured of ya. I gots cash in briefcases all over this place. That's why this universe is mines. I gots the briefcases to show it. Whatchoo gots, mang? You ain't got nada, dawg. You got these little small ass yellow belly minions.."

"I don't care how many brothers in the hood you have. Your hood goes only for so long. Your briefcases only last but a season. What happens if a fire came and destroyed all your briefcases? Then who would you be? What would you own? You think your boys will still get your back? Heh. No. They are with you because you can help get them where they want to go... thanks to your briefcases. Without them, you're just another minion who can't talk correctly, dawg."

I was a bit shocked at what happened afterwards... he started to cry. He ran away with tears falling from his face. The minions cheered and began showering me with gifts. It wasn't a lot but they were definitely appreciative. I was still ready to go home. I had a lot to do, but questions were still lurking in my mind as to why I'm here or how I got here.

The minions felt it. They simply pointed in the direction I should go to get home. It was opposite of my home, but what the hell I guess. The one that was under my house decided to tag along with me. Off we went into the journey of the unknown, but there was no need to be afraid. Little did anyone know the truth about me.

After an hour of walking, we came across a field. The minion noticed a very fat guy with a beard. A sign below the man who was just standing there read, "Fat Ass Without A Dick, aka The Bitch of Fatback." He was definitely a man of laziness and gluttony. The minion walked up to him and he tried to eat him. The Fat Ass was startled and tried to chase the minion, but ran out of breath after a few short steps. He sounded like he was dying from lack of oxygen. There was a oxygen tank near by, so the minion decided to help. He took it to the The Bitch of Fatback. He was able to catch his breathe.

"What are you two doing here?"

"Well, fat ass, I'm trying to get home. Did you eat it?"

"Fuck you! You both can suck my dick!"

"Are you a homosexual?"

"No! I'm not fucking gay you ! Suck my dick!"

"Why do you want me, and the minion here, to suck your dick then?"

"Because no one else will!"

"Mmmmuuuiiilllnnnnddddeeeetttt."

" talk!"

"So talk is when someone's education is above yours, and you just can't understand the language?"

"Huh?"

"How did you get so big?"

"I ate, and I ate, and I ate. I was going to be the most extreeeeeeme eating champion in all areas! WINGS! HOTDOGS! PASTA! CHICKEN! ALL THAT SHIT!"

"Don't you want to walk normal? Ya know, not like a pengiun?"

"Suck my dick! And I use to be skinny thanks to a surgery. My fat wanted to come back so I embraced him. Well, more like I became my fat's bitch and we united again. Bitch!"

"In math, do you know what pie is?"

"Of course I do. What kind are you talking about? Blueberry? Pecan? Chocolate?"

"In math."

"They don't serve pie in math, . It's numbers and shit. What kind of math did you learn? Gay."

"I figured you'd say that. Well, mister extreme eating champ..."

"I haven't eaten a thing in 5 minutes and I'm starving! Do you have anything?"

"Nah, man. I don't live on merely breads and yeast. I live on the word of truth."

". Suck my dick!"

"So, if you're not a homosexual and wanting another man to suck your dick... then I guess any mouth would do? Why not throw some peanut butter and let a dog come do it?"

"That's so gay. .... And if I had peanut butter I'd eat that shit!"

"Well, you enjoy staying here and never going anywhere in life. Have a grand day."

It was quite strange meeting a man that fat and stupid. He reminds me of someone else, but I can't quite place my finger on it. The minion and I continued our journey passed the Bitch of Fatback.