((Backstage, after Wednesday Night Warfare. “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane runs out of his locker room and sees his good buddy Diesel leaning against a wall, flexing his hand. Loverboy grabs a nearby mic used for back room interviews.))




Loverboy: Hey Diesel!





Diesel: Yeah, Shawn?

((Loverboy folds his arms and looks annoyed at being called “Shawn” again.))




Loverboy: Man, it’s good to see you, dude! I am feeling so good about Warfare, and really looking forward to my title shot in two weeks against another really cool guy, Guppy Parsh! You know what I want to do?

Diesel: No man, what’s up? Do you want to train?

Loverboy: Nope!

Diesel: Do you want to find some girls?

Loverboy: Nope!

Diesel: Do you want to go find Bob Backlund and beat him in eight seconds? Because I do!

Loverboy: No, no, no, silly! I want to hang out with my other buddies Gator and Todd!

Diesel: Wait… Gator and Todd? But those are the guys you and me are supposed to have a fight with on Sunday, Little Buddy! Look at the adjective – Sunday! That’s like tomorrow or something, man!

Loverboy: Sunday is four days away, Big Man, and we aren’t going to fight with those guys – they’re our friends! We’re going to put on a cool exhibition match for some Make-A-Wish Foundation kids at Disney, we aren’t mad at each other!

Diesel: So I don’t have to Jackknife anyone?

Loverboy: No way, Diesel, you won’t have to Jackknife, snake eyes, big boot or corner-elbow anybody on Sunday!

((Diesel look confused, and then a little worried.))

Diesel: Well… wait a minute, HBK… will I still get to use my horn?

((Loverboy smiles at the big goof.))

Loverboy: Of course you’ll be able to use you horn, BDC! Everyone loves your horn!

Diesel: HORRRRRNNN!!!

Loverboy: Yeah! Just like that! We’re gonna have a great time this weekend, dude, because this event is PERFECT for me!

Diesel: Better than WrestleMania 12?

Loverboy: WAY better! This Sunday is called “Love It!” And what’s my name, Big D?

Diesel: The Heartbreak Kid!!!

((Loverboy frowns, but lets it slide.))

Loverboy: Loverboy. My name’s Loverboy, and we’re going on a show called Love It. It’s perfect, D! What a great show for the New Dudes With Attitudes to make their official debut!

(Diesel smiles from ear to ear while rubbing his leather gloved fist into his palm. His lower lips begins to tremble and his eyes well up with tears, then he whimpers loudly and collapses into a hug with Loverboy, sobbing onto his shoulder.))

Loverboy: Dude! Diesel! What’s wrong, man, this is great news!

((Diesel struggles to speak between his bouts of crying.))

Diesel: It’s…. just… so… BEAUTIFULLLLL!

Loverboy: It really is. It’s going to be a great time. But you know what we should do first, man? Before Sunday’s show?

Diesel: No dude, what should we do?

((Loverboy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded up piece of what looks like construction paper. He opens it and shows it to Diesel.))




Loverboy: We’re gonna have a POOL PARTY at Roxy’s place! She lives pretty close to Disneyland, and she has a great big pool and a lot of pretty friends that can hang out with us! I bet we can even set Todd up with one of them!

Diesel: Can I bring Pamela Anderson? And little twelve year old JTT?

Loverboy: Yeah man, sure. Whatever. Just got and put this invite into Todd’s mailbox before he leaves the arena, and then we’ll wait and see if he and Gator RSVP.

Diesel: I get to deliver it?

Loverboy: Yep! I trust you, big guy!

((Diesel’s lip begins to quiver again.))

Loverboy: No more crying, dude! We’re having a PARTY!

((Fade to unicorns.))