The scene opens to John Madison passed out, sitting on a toilet with a hooker's face buried into his crotch. There's no better way to describe it. It's literally John sitting on the crapper while a woman who looks as dead as Sid Feder's wife is on top of him. Thankfully, John is wearing a gray v-neck, but everything else is on display.

It's 3:00 AM, and this was our last chance to get John Madison's take on tomorrow night's show. But from the looks of it, John isn't even capable of pulling his pants up. What is he on? Who knows.

John hadn't spent any time training for his match. Hell, I doubt he even remembers being booked for a match. John partied all week as his mansion was pumped full of booze and hookers by Shane D. .

There will be no promo from John Madison. Just a shot of him in his most pathetic state. Is this the type of lifestyle that you Shitheads support? What about the wife and son that John has chosen to leave behind for this lifestyle?

John will be at Shove-It. NAZI has already been informed and is on his way over so he can throw John onto a plane to Sydney. John doesn't fear Lexi Sheckler. He doesn't fear Mister Mystery, Unknown Soldier, or whoever else is a part of the crusade against The Black Circle. Let them build an army, and have them chase after John.

Lexi Sheckler has a date with John and the guillotine. That's all there is to it. Nothing else on the show matters. No one cares what Donathan is doing just like no one cared about what Sheckler was doing. Mister Mystery will continue to run around with a briefcase that no one else but him cares about. Tyler Decker will run around and no one will care.

Why does no one care?

Because John Madison is the center of the show. It's all about him. Everyone is focused on John Madison.

Unknown Soldier wants to drink John's diseased blood.

Mister Mystery has John on his hit list.

Tyler Decker came back just so he could fight John.

Donathan wants John to challenge him so that his title means something.

Crimson Crest wants to kill John over spilled coffee.

Mr. Natural wants John's attention.

John determines what goes down on Saturday Night Shitheads. John didn't like how Sheckler handled business, so he ordered her to lose to Donathan. So she lost to Donathan like the good little doggy that she is. No one cares that Sheckler lost to Donathan. No one cares that Donathan even holds a title. Here's a challenge: Without forcing yourself to actually watch his promo, can anyone tell me what Donathan had to say last week? Of course not because none of you care. I don't either. I watch a Donathan promo and immediately turn it off when I notice that John Madison isn't involved. In fact, that's the story for every promo that gets taped here. If John Madison isn't in your promo then it doesn't belong on the air.

Sheckler doesn't belong here anymore, plain and simple. In fact that's the reason why she doesn't belong here-- she's plain and too fuckin' simple. What kind of a Shithead is that to have around? Yawwwn. John wants entertainment. That's the only purpose that any of you serve, is to entertain John.

As far as the XWF is concerned, John is just shitting all over it while the roster sucks his cock. That's it. There isn't any prestige or honor in place. It's just turd after turd that John drops on this shit hole. Some of you idiots even go on the XWF website and drop ideas in our suggestion box like anyone gives a shit. NOTHING is changing. This horrible set that you see in front of you every Saturday night will remain the same.

John loves you Shitheads the way you are, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

What's the theme for this week's show?

Decapitation.

That's all. Skip the rest of the card, none of it matters. It's just "Shove It: John Madison and his Guillotine." John is even being gifted with a slave. He's being given his very own Mister Mystery in the form of John Black!

John doesn't care about the match that he has. It's just Lexi Sheckler walking out to put her head in the guillotine. That's it. There will be no technical masterpiece of a match being displayed. It's just John wrapping his fingers around the neck of Sheckler and shoving her into the guillotine. He doesn't even have a good reason for what he's about to do. He's just bored with Sheckler.

Sheckler, you failed to entertain him. Don't even say anything. Just stay quiet, show up, and die.

Look at John, sitting there on his throne with puke on his chest. That's your future King of the XWF. While the rest of you are out training, doing your one hundred push ups every morning, John is going to drink and shit all over himself through the next two weeks.

Shut up Bryce.