((Monday night, Columbus, Ohio. “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane is standing in a dark parking lot of Port Columbus International Airport. In the background, a small prop plane taxis to a stop just a few dozen yards from Loverboy, who waves his arms in the air as the warm night air of early September whips through his flaxen hair and tosses the corners of his long, tan duster in the breeze around him.))

Loverboy: Finally. You charter a plane and pay everyone involved double, and you still end up waiting in a damn parking lot for two hours.

((As the propellers slowly come to a stop, the plane’s small side door opens. From inside the plane, a cherubic, smiling face emerges. The form of Dave “Ace of Belts” Millican stands in the doorway of the airplane as the pilot lowers the small staircase, allowing Dave to descend to the tarmac.))

Loverboy: Dave! Awesome you could come out with such short notice, dude!

Millican: Well, Vinnie, you make it pretty hard to say no when you offer me three times my usual asking price.

Loverboy: Don’t forget the bonus you’ll be getting if you can pull off this miracle and get me what I need by tomorrow, in California.

Millican: Definitely a tall order, Mister Lane, but I understand the need for quick work. I’ve been making belts for the XWF as well as WWE, TNA, UFC and others for years now!

Loverboy: Yeah man, I wanted the best, and you came highly rated, dude. But I NEED these belts tomorrow. I know you can pull it off. That’s why I already let Roxy know what’s up.

Millican: You sure she’s willing to go that far? I never would imagine a girl like her doing that with me…

Loverboy: Dude, trust me. Roxy Cotton will do whatever the hell I ask her too. That chick is hypnotized by my cock, man. It’s a guarantee.

Millican: That’s so cool, Vinnie. You can count on that belt being there tomorrow.

Loverboy: Belts. Two belts.

Millican: You want two?

Loverboy: Yeah, man, it’s a tag team title. Clean Lucena still has his belt, but I got mine taken.

Millican: I don’t understand… your partner gets one belt, but you get two?

Loverboy: Trios Championship, man. Look, just make the two belts, and make sure the name plate says “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane, just like it should.

Millican: No problem. What should it say on the second one?

Loverboy: “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane. They’re both mine, man. Jesus, pay attention.

Millican: This is real confusing, but I’m going to get you those belts. You have the photos? And the down payment, of course?

Loverboy: Dude! Of course I do! I’m an XWF Champion, a wrestling megastar! I chartered this plane for you, and another for myself to get to Cali. You think I don’t have the money?

Millican: Hey you never know in this business. I once got a rubber check from Paul Heyman.

Loverboy: True. Here though, man, just run this card. You take Amex right?

Millican: Of course! Don’t leave home without it!

((Loverboy hands Millican the card, as well as a few glossy photos.))





Millican: Ah, cool. WG WF? Never heard of them. Whose card is this?

Loverboy: Don’t sweat it man, the guy owes me and he, uh, gave me his card in the ring earlier tonight.

((Loverboy pulls off his aviator sunglasses, revealing a swollen, blackened eye. Millican’s mouth drops open but he turns his attention to the photos instead of rudely staring.))

Millican: Ah… uh… these pictures… did you take them yourself?

Loverboy: No, dude, selfies are for chicks. There was this broad in Phoenix, right after I won the titles? She worked for Glamour Shots or some shit and she really wanted to take some pictures of me with them. They look good, right?

Millican: Well, it’s just that you’re naked…

Loverboy: Yeah. That chick was a ton of fun. Look, dude, don’t be intimidated by my good looks or the blessing of my massive endowments, okay? Just focus on the belt.

((Loverboy folds the photo up and hands it back to Millican.))

Loverboy: There. See? No homo.

((Millican looks at Loverboy again after sliding the AMEX card through his mobile card scanner. The cell phone in his hand beeps and a green light illuminates.))

Millican: All set, Mister Lane! Can I ask… what happened to you? And why are you in such a hurry if you don’t mind me asking?

((Loverboy smirks as he lightly touches the bruised eye. He nods and looks Milllican in the eye.))

Loverboy: Nah, I don’t mind, man! I got my ass kicked, that’s what happened to me. I had a hell of a match with the rookie, Johnny Heartsford, and then my partner Zoey Ryback came out and unleashed a pile of sexual frustration on me. I’m really starting to think she likes me, dude.

Millican: Wait. Your partner?

Loverboy: Yeah, we’re partners, don’t interrupt dude. Anyway, then this dildo headed freak came into the ring and slapped me like Freddie Mercury trying to put out a fire. Funny that a girl half his size hit me twice as hard. Anyway, that’s when he took my belts, and why I need you. Four people kicked me around the ring tonight, and I need to get to South Korea by Wednesday, and I need those belts with me! You got it?

Millican: Oh, wow, that’s a hell of a night! Yeah, don’t you worry, Mister Lane. Just don’t forget me whenever you need some good beltwork done!

((Loverboy shakes Dave Millican’s hand and walks toward another plane, idling on the tarmac and waiting for him to enter the cabin. Climbing up the small staircase, Loverboy removes his duster and sits in one of the few small seats inside of the airplane. For a moment, he scowls while looking down at his beltless midsection, running his gloved hand over the area where the two Trios Title belts rested earlier in the night. Then, just like always, the ten mile wide grin returns to his battered face as the door to the plane closes.))

Loverboy: What a hell of a night this was indeed. Another triumphant victory in the world of the XWF! Finally a chance to shine on my damn own in the ring, and I sure as hell didn’t disappoint. I’ll give that rookie Heartsford credit where it’s due, he had a lot of fight in him, but the end result was exactly what I said it would be from the beginning. I mean, come on, dude, I even told you on national TV exactly what I was going to do to you! You’d think with Zoey’s tiny little ass standing nearby you’d have some sort of advantage, right? Nope. Turns out, I like it when she watches me. That chick’s got more moxie than I thought, and it kind of turned me on a little bit, to be honest.

((Loverboy reaches into the small drink area inside the plane cabin, pulling out a bottle of beer and holding it against his blackened eye.))

Loverboy: And Pest? Boy. Don’t you think for a moment that you’re getting away with what you did to me tonight. Pussy little coward. Cringing behind the hard work of people better than you. I wasn’t even planning on taking this trip to godforsaken South Korea, but you stuck your herpes-covered nose in my business, and anyone in this company can tell you that’s a bad move, man. Don’t you think for half a second that Clean Lucena needs my help against that kid Gunnar. He’s got that in the bag, one on one, but you getting yourself involved the way you did and the way you claim you will Wednesday? Not happening on my watch, pal. Not to my partner. My friend.

((Again, Loverboy’s gaze drifts down to his empty waist.))

Loverboy: You know why I was so proud to display those title belts, you little shit? Because I went out there and I earned them. And in the process I earned the respect of three guys whose name’s you aren’t worthy to spit out of that black toothed mouth of yours. Azrael Erebus? Sebastian Duke? Enigma? Those guys are going to be talked about around here forever. You? You’re a bad joke with no punchline. I didn’t want to get in the long, long line of people waiting to beat your ass, but I’m not one to turn down an invitation to a party, man, and you took something from me that you don’t deserve. I took care of some place holders for the time being, dude, but I’m coming to get what’s rightfully mine back too. Why have two belts when I can have four?

((The plane has begun to move forward on the runway, and Loverboy leans back in his seat as the ascension commences. The flight from Ohio to California only one leg of an exhausting global expedition – San Diego, then Korea, then Illinois, and finally Los Angeles – but it’s one the megastar knows he has to endure to live up to the hype he has built for himself.))

Loverboy: Some men would probably fall apart with the schedule I’ve been on lately, man. But you know what? I thrive on it! This is rock n’ roll, dude, different town every night, different chick, different bed. Stage after stage after stage, just lighting up the crowd and bringing down the house. Week after week, I’m just going after better and better talent. Monday I’m in the ring with the TV Champion, Gator! And my boy, LH Harrison, one of the best young up and comers here. The two of them would be more than a match for anyone, man, but then you add in one of the XWF’s toughest vets in Luca Arzegotti too? Dude, I love a fight like this. Watch how everyone writes me off, just like they did against Cain and Mastermind, or especially how they did at Relentless. Then watch the real cream rise to the top, just like it did those times.

((Loverboy twists off the bottle cap of his beer, taking a long swig and thinking quietly for a moment, just allowing the sound of the plane’s engines to fill the void. Finally, after what seems like ages, he smirks and chuckles to himself.))

Loverboy: Anyone who thinks they’ve seen the best of me is sadly mistaken, man. They just think a smile is too silly for a serious competitor. Look at all the dark, creepy shit coming from all of these guys on the roster. None of it matters though, dude. The only thing that matters to me, and pretty soon to the rest of the XWF, is “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane getting his hand held high night after night after night. Take that to the bank, sweetheart.

((Loverboy turns away and looks out the airplane window at the dark clouds flying by.))