((Steve Sayors is in a frenzy, running from one locker room door to another, trying to get in on the last minute action.))

Sayors: What a bunch of crap. Nobody is even here in the arena yet. I’m just going to try this one and then I’m going to go find me an escort on the internet…

((Sayors: Knocks on one last door, and then turns to leave after only waiting a moment. However, just as Sayors is starting to walk away, the door swings open inwardly and reveals “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane, naked except for a pair of white boxers with big red hearts on them. There also appear to be a few lipstick stains around the waistband. As music blasts from some unseen stereo, Loverboy is brushing his teeth as he stands in the doorway, and also holding one big gold title belt over each shoulder.))

Loverboy: Sup?

Sayors: Loverboy! Awesome! I didn’t think you’d be here yet! Hey… do you ever put those things down?

Loverboy: No, not really. I earned them.

((Loverboy spits a mouthful of toothpaste and saliva onto the floor.))

Loverboy: And I always get to the arenas early. You now that, dude, we’ve talked about it. So, like, what do you want?

((Sayors looks nervous, and also can’t seem to stop looking at the bulge in Loverboy’s shorts, which is occasionally moving.))

Sayors: Are you… do you have a hard-on?

((Loverboy smiles and stretches out the elastic waistband of his boxers, looking down into them and then shrugging.))

Loverboy: Yeah, man, looks like I do. It’s morning wood, you know? I haven’t gotten to spank the monkey yet. You know what I mean? Wax the weasel? Salute the commander in chief? Play the slide whistle? You know?

Sayors: Yeah, yes, I know, I get it… but it’s after one in the afternoon!

Loverboy: Yeah, well, I was out late last night with these two chicks who were trying out to be Ice Girls for the Blue Jackets. They seemed to have the impression I could help determine a winner between them.

Sayors: Oh. Well… uh… did you?

Loverboy: Oh they both won. Multiple times. You should check them out on Facebook. I’ll send you a friend request later. Now, dude, what do you want?



Go Be Friends With Loverboy's Sloppy Seconds Now!!!





Sayors: Well, Loverboy, as you know today is Monday, and Madness is tonight! This time of day, usually everyone comes rushing around looking for stray camera crews and interviewers trying to get some last minute words in before bell time I figured I’d see what you had to say to Johnathan Heartsford at the last minute!

((Loverboy looks pensive, screwing his mouth into a smirk. He adjusts the lump in his shorts again as he wipes some stray toothpaste from his lip.))

Loverboy: Last minute trash talk, huh? You wanna know what I’ve got to say?

Sayors: Yes! Of course, you’re a champion and about to have a match with a newcomer who has been a real nuisance to you lately! What do you have to say?

((Loverboy smiles wide.))

Loverboy: Nothing, dude. See you in the ring!

((Loverboy slams the door to his dressing room shut, leaving a perplexed Steve Sayors standing in an empty hallway, until he makes a cutting motion with his hand and the scene fades to black.))