(("Loverboy" Vinnie Lane has decided to take a day off from preparing for his match with Johnathan Heartsford on Monday Madness, and has rented a car to drive the two or so hours from Columbus to Cleveland, Ohio, and visit the iconic Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame. Although the day is dreary, in a torrential downpour, really, Loverboy was excited enough to be as close to the Hall as he was and simply couldn't resist. Arriving at a parking lot across the street from the Hall, Loverboy parks and exits the rental - a bright red Mustang convertible - and steps out of the car Wearing a huge yellow raincoat, sunglasses and wide brimmed hat to shield himself from the rain. Not even terrible weather can dampen his spirits, though, as he looks across the street and beholds the glow of the Louvre-esque entrance to the Hall of Fame as the dusk horizon glows around it.))




((As he walks toward the massive structure, Loverboy speaks loudly over the driving rain, giving a bit of a soliloquy on his way to the grand entrance.))

Loverboy: Man, here I am at last. Cleveland, Ohio and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame! These guys have some of the coolest shit from some of the coolest bands and musicians ever, man. From B.B. King to Bon Jovi, Guthrie to Guns n' Roses. I can't believe I'm standing so close to the spot where "Moondog" Alan Freed first used the term "rock n' roll" to describe the music he was playing on WJW radio back in 1951. Did you know that dude's ashes were right here at the Hall until just a few weeks ago?

((As usual whenever Loverboy leaves the safety of his hotel room, a group of young girls come screaming up to him, recognizing him even in his odd attire.))

Girl 1: Like, oh my god! You're, like, Vinnie Lane! Get me pregnant!

Girl 2: I want to lose my virginity to you!

Girl 3: I do too! At the same time as her! We're besties!

((Loverboy grins as the three obviously underage girls grab and hug at him, but manages to think with the right head for one of the few times in his life.))

Loverboy: Girls, girls... you chicks are obviously way too young to handle a stallion like me. You want to do me a favor, though? When you little ladies get back to school on Monday, I want each of you to pay attention and look around for the nice boy that you don't usually pay attention to. Give him a shot. I was that kid once, you know? And I turned out good!

((The three girls' jaws drop, obviously unable to imagine Loverboy as anything other than the sexy rock god that he is today. Loverboy reaches inside of his raincoat and pulls out three glossy 8 x 10 photos that he's autographed and started carrying around for occasions such as this. He hands the photos out, gives the girls another quick hug and starts moving toward the door again. A security guard standing nearby at a metal detector smiles as Loverboy approaches, obviously having heard the entire conversation.))

Guard: Loverboy Lane! Man, I'm a big fan of yours. Is what you told those girls true?

Loverboy: Ha! Hell no, man, I was always cool. And nice boys don't play rock n' roll! I got my sixth grade teacher's phone number, for fuck's sake. I just didn't want to end up catching some triple-statutory charge.

Guard: I hear you, man, but this is Ohio. The age of consent is 16, and pretty much every girl ends up pregnant by 17. Anyway, welcome to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Mister Lane. Just walk through this metal detector for me and enjoy your visit.

((Loverboy struts through the metal detector with a wide grin, stopping suddenly when a loud buzzing emits from the machine.))

Guard: Uh... Loverboy, geez, this is embarrassing, do you have any... weapons on you?

Loverboy: Haha! Only if you count these two guns!

((The guards reach for their tasers as Loverboy's hands move quickly, but they relax when he just flexes his arms at them.))

Loverboy: Right? Haha. Anyway, no, dude, I don't have any weapons. You're just picking up a signal from these.

((Loverboy whips open his raincoat like a flasher, revealing the three shining championship belts underneath. The security team looks starstruck and all try to reach out and touch the belts. Loverboy swats their hands away.))

Loverboy: Hands off the merchandise, fellas. These bad boys are all mine.

Guard: That's so cool, Loverboy. Are you feeling good about your match with the Knight this week?

Loverboy: For sure! Even with his suit of armor on, he doesn't have as much metal around his waist as I do. And there's a pretty damn good reason for that, dude - I'm better than him. The guy thinks he's going to make a name for himself ending my undefeated streak in the FXW, and he thinks I'm just lying down for him. You see, Johnny thinks he has to impress everyone by showing us how he's hitting a heavy bag in the gym all day. Big deal, right? Everyone knows I train, and if anyone doubts it all they have to do is go rewatch Relentless and watch me kick three different legends' asses in the ring. This dude has definitely bitten off more than he can chew. Although, honestly, he does have a pretty big damn mouth. He's part of the reason I decided to come here, actually.

Guard: He is? How so?

Loverboy: Well, I've been dying to see one of your exhibits - the "One Hit Wonder" display. You see, Johnny Heartsford is just a flash in the pan, whereas I blew up straight to the top of the charts and intend to stay there. The Aerial Knight, little Johnny, is just that. A one hit wonder. Hell, he's not even that much, because he's not going to get that one hit off the ground. Right now it's hard for anyone to take anything away from the guy because nobody's had a chance to say they've beat him - but after Monday? The dude is gonna be 0-1, staring up at the lights instead of flying through them after I crack his skull on the canvas, you know?

((The guards all nod and smile as Loverbiy hands them all more of the glossy photos he has with him. Just then, a random muscular man in wrestling tights runs up to Loverboy and throws him on the ground. He jumps on him and hooks his legs as a second man throws off a raincoat to reveal a referee's shirt. The ref starts counting.))

1...



2...


((But Loverboy kicks out from under the muscular guy. Looking frustrated, the random wrestler helps Loverboy to his feet, shakes his hand, and walks away with the referee shaking his head.))

Guard: What the hell?

Loverboy: Happens all the time, man. This Heavy Metalweight Championship is defended 24/7!

((The guard looks pensive as he taps his fingers on his taser.))

Loverboy: Dude, don't even try it. You're fat and short. I like you and you're cool, and I don't wanna have to drop you headfirst on these concrete steps, you know man?

Guard: Yeah, you're right... that makes sense. And you did just give me this cool photo. I'm going to hang it up next to my Owen Hart as the Blue Blazer action figure from 1998!

Loverboy: Good deal man! So, the Hall?

Guard: Oh! Yeah, about that. The Hall closed while we were talking about Heartsford, man. You'll have to come back tomorrow.

Loverboy: What? But dude! I had the whole promo planned around the one hit wonder thing! It's important! I'll let you touch the belt!

Guard: Sorry man, I need this job. Do you know how quickly people go from gainfully employed to homeless here in Cleveland? Bernie Kosar lives in the park!

Loverboy: Man, that's a load of crap! But whatever, I'm outta here. I'll be back tomorrow to cut that sweet ass promo, you just watch out! I'll just find a cheap ass hotel here, and find an escort on Craigslist...

((Loverboy kicks at a puddle and walks back off away from the Hall of Fame, back across the street, and back into the parking lot. Unfortunately when he gets there, the Mustang is gone. Only a small pile of broken glass in the space is left.))

Loverboy: God damn it Cleveland!!!