I leaned back in my pink recliner and I put up the foot rest as I clicked on the TV to watch JP Carino's latest promo. Fuck the wrong way you pronounce your own name, ho!

The first thing I noticed is that this reject seems to think it's cool that he owns the 2004 Mercury Marauder. Isn't that the gay ass car that people used to think looked cool if you couldn't afford an actual police car with a corvette engine? Go buy a police car if that's what you want bitch or fuck just settle for a used taxi! You talked about your 2005 move set calling to ask Gilmour for its move back, fuck, I feel like there's a joke in here somewhere...

Oh yeah it's JP Carino! CAR-I-NO! = as in = I NO own good CAR! CAR I NO. Fuck your gay ass Barbie car!

Everybody knows the Marauder got discontinued because it was a worthless piece of crap and even if you put more money into it and than you know how to count on 10 hands you still are looking like quite a Toody loony Homo.Now let's get one thing straight... now I'm watching this JP promo and I get to the trash talk about him talking about Wallace Witasuck?

Do this forget what show he is fucking on?

Wallace has nothing to do with the Shove It Saturday night!!!

Hey Dick bag Wallace is the G M for Wednesday night warfare! Correct me again on your name though you queer while you go around making every other mistake in the book!

Why the fuck would Wallace be the one that called you up? I'm betting the person who called you up was probably Shane or the new general manager for Shove It who also most likely is not Wallace Watasuck because he does not get along with Shane so why would he be the new GM for Saturday? Are you stupid? Are you a Homo? Are you sucking a dick and so when you got the names confused it was just because there was so much saliva in your mouth dripping all down your chin and lips and neck and feminine chest? Because that's pretty sad but at the same time it's also pretty sexy!



I kiss my box of wine before I pour myself a hefty glass so I can continue the unbearable torment that is watching a Gay Pee Careenoh prono. Yeah I said pro-no because it got me saying no-no-mo! No mo!

Wait I spoke too soon it's getting a lil' better?

I have to admit that as I'm watching your promo right now and I am getting to the point where you're finally done mentioning Wallace 800 times, now I finally popped a Boner. Congrats on that! You got me hard finally. And you know why I popped a Boner? It's because you winked at the camera and then you went and yelled at some kids touching your shitty old car and I was hoping you would go over to them and be raping them. Come on JP admittedly you enjoy the young dick… Admit to us all… You like the dong dong dong just as much is the next guy. And you know who is in the backseat of your mercury Maraintr? Yeah I had to make up a new name for it to make it sound cooler. It will be me in the back seat, the Crimson dong, and I have only a pair of stained underwear on and nothing more. So that's the situation. Deal with it.

Now the next part of your promo goes ahead and finally starts talking about David Scully who is a complete fucking and I agree with everything you said about that pissed hand grub tub. That guy is going to be the one taking both of our dicks up his ass at the same time. Do you know what's funny about that? Is the fact that he actually is going to come into the ring Saturday night thinking that he has a chance at winning. Hahahahaha! Ha ha!!! Have I exclaimed enough how funny that really is? At least you and I can agree, JP, that even though your name isn't spelled right at least both of us know we both are gonna dick the living shit out of David Scully's asshole. So that part of your promo was okay thank you very much… I give it a B-, no wait, I think I gave it a C- or a D for DICK.

I keep watching your shit promo...From there you go and you start to spin around like a psychopath and you start hallucinating which I liked very much. I hope that when we are in the ring together you start hallucinating and crying on my shoulder so I can cut your hair and rub your ass… I'll rub you just right… I'll give you rub rub and a little bit of Doug tug here and some Thug tug if you tap tap on the mat mat in my sub sub-mission hold Hahahahaha the same one that you going to talk shit about and tell me that yours is better. While you know what? I'd like to take you up on that, let's find out who has a better submission hold when I slap you into my over the shoulder boulder holder back breaking down to the knee dropping fist anal bead cracking skeleton cracker. I'll slap you in the submission so fast you won't know whether you're driving a Mercury marauder or if you're getting driven by the Camaro lock. When I lock you in the Camaro lock you are not going to have shit you can do other than rev your engine and vibrate my balls for me while I go yeeeee haaaaa baby and wave my hand in the air and bring a whole fucking town across the back of your head and smack the crap out of you like a big Homo. And just to be clear on that you are going to be the bottom boy you're just a bottom boy. I will be on top I will always be on top and there's really nothing you can do about it other than wiggle and make me feel good in the process.

Here's a big middle finger for you to stick up your ass if you can't get the point that I'm out to kill you nigga!I'ma fuck you up Saturday and make you tap tap tap!


So the next thing I do after I'm done watching that shitass promo is take the remote control and I rub some Vaseline on it and I start trying to shove it up my asshole. Why do I do this? Well it's a lot better than having to sit around and think about the promo but you're just shocked because it made me get a wizard flaccid limp dirty dick. I really must say it's a good thing that I'm on my way to a KaiKai. What's that you ask? A KaiKai is a party for playing with your swerves with dashing teeth and cleaning off our cocks to reassure, and though the dick is hardening I don't give a damn, just put your piece inside my mouth and let it go full-on lamb! Go full-on lamb on me, Carino.

So what's that you say about the JP Carino name? You know Oh Oh Oh OOOOOOO O-O-O-O yeah I'm glad you say so many O's because you'll be going oh oh oh oh OH OH OH once I lock you in the Camaro lock! Try correcting the way I say your name again Homo boy and I'll correct the way you cut your hair by taking the razor blade out of my boot and scalping you alive so I can beat off until your blood is all over my own genitalia! How do you like the sound of that? Not go take your mercury marauder to the damn chop shop and get rid of that shit... come back when you own a real car like a Volkswagen bug! Until then let's have a KaiKai!

So after that I finish everything on the Homo, I called my date for tonight and she tells me where to meet her. I go to 76th and Broadway with a hardon already knowing that this bitch is hella hot. I enter the building and I greet the doorman with a smile as he looks at me like I am some sort of sick freak. Maybe it's because I walked past him in just my underwear but don't you think if he has a problem with that he should've stopped me from entering the building? Oh well… I go to the elevator and I push the button and I scare a few children along the way because they don't like the fact that my underwear has shit stains on the back and blood stains on the front. Fuck 'em. I get into the elevator and I let out a big long sigh as I rub my chest up and down and I also touch my stomach while I lean against the wall of the elevator. Once I get up to the floor where my date lives I exit the elevator and I make my way down the hall to her door which I knocked on hard with my boner. After several knocks she opens the door and greets me looking as beautiful as ever with her blond hair and her light baby blue blue glasses that always drive me crazy ho ho ho ho Carinooooo oh oh oh let's have a KaiKai that's what I'll be saying tonight! I enter and we close the door leaving the camera man behind even though we invited him in. I guess he doesn't want to see two sexy ass motherfuckers making out and getting each other off… That's weird… I guess he's going to go look for JP Carino so he can see close-up how fucking shitty is mercury marauder really is right? Or maybe by the time the cameraman finds Carino his marauder will no longer be running because it's such a piece of crap and he's the one that put all the work into it which means it's even in worse condition than it was when it was brand-new and we all know that they were pieces of shit when they were brand-new right?

How about this JP Carino… I'm going to put you in the Mercury marauder submission hold and I'm going to have you tap tap tap tap tap tap holy god oh oh oh yeah baby that's right because I'll be waxing your back and massaging your muscles and loosening you up whether you like it or not and then you're going to look to ringside and see my new valet flicking you off and spitting in your face and you're just gonna want to die! Hahahahaha!


OWNED GAY PEE BITCH!