(("Loverboy" Vinnie Lane didn't stick around after his victorious title match at XWF Relentless. He knew he'd made a statement, both with pinning Sebastian Duke, one of the legends of the XWF, and also in blasting Zoey Ryback, one of the quickest new rising stars, with her newly won title belt. Backstage cameras caught sight of him, rushing down a hallway from ringside just a few moments after the match with both belts slung over his bare, sweaty shoulders. Steve Sayors rushes up to him, pressing a microphone into his face.))

Sayors: Loverboy! Why did you knock out Zoey? What happened out there?

((Loverboy gives Sayors a look that could kill a rhino, then places his palm over the journalist's entire face and shoves him backward where he goes crashing into a catering table.))

Loverboy: THAT is what happened out there, dude. Champions rise, and the weak get victimized.

((Loverboy storms off down the hallway, leaving a messy and confused Steve Sayors lying in a pile of food.))




Monday afternoon, 8/25/2014

(("Loverboy" Vinnie Lane is sitting at a table insde a local Wal-Mart in Oklahoma City, about halfway between Phoenix, Arizona and Columbus, Ohio. Having just released their new toy line, the XWF asked Vinnie to make the stop as a promotion once they found out he was going to be driving to the next show rather than using the complimentary first class plane ticket the champions usually receive. A grinning skinny guy in a blue polo shirt and plastic name badge claps his hands together and addresses the throng of people gathered in front of the table covered in XWF figurines.))



Wal-Mart Manager: Ladies and gentlemen, please stay in an orderly line and wait your turn, our special guest will only be able to stay for a little while and we want to accommodate as many of you as we can! Alright? Good! Welcome to your Oklahoma City Super Wal-Mart, where we roll back low prices each and every day! On behalf of the management here, we are pleased to welcome our very special guest of honor, here to introduce the new line of XWF action figures and fresh off of a hard fought victory at Relentless this past weekend - ladies and gentlemen, one third of the XWF Trios Champions, "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane!

((Cameras flash as Loverboy walks out of a back room, dressed in wild Zubaz pants and a Poison t-shirt cut off to show his toned midsection. Most noticeably, though, he is wearing TWO huge gold championship belts around his waist, one right over the other. His eyes are covered by dark sunglasses, but it's evident from his scowl that he isn't thrilled. He sits down at the table and immediately points one of his black, fingerless gloves at the manager.))

Loverboy: You need to do your homework, dude! I'm TWO THIRDS of the trios champs, which is why I'm wearing two belts, and you'd better keep that in mind, man!

((The manager shifts on his feet nervously, but Loverboy soon loses interest in him and turns to the first kid in line with a smirk.))

Loverboy: Hey there little dude. Came to meet a megastar today? Whatcha got for me, bro?

((The kid walks up to Loverboy nervously and hands him an XWF poster with Azrael Erebus proudly displayed on it. There are a few other signatures already on the poster, including Erebus and Sebastian Duke's.))

Loverboy: Awesome poster, little man! It looks like you're a little out of date just like Mr. How Can I Help You over here though. Azrael ain't the Universal Champion anymore, and he sure as hell ain't the Trios Champ anymore either! I hope you like watching tag team action involving a woman doing all the hard work if you're a fan of this guy, man.

((Loverboy takes his Sharpie marker and signs his name in huge, swooping letters, completely scribbling over both Azrael's and Duke's signatures. The kid looks confused but happy at the same time before walking off to find his mother near the bathrooms.))

Loverboy: Next! Hit me with your best shot, baby!

((Another kid walks up to Loverboy, this one holding a Trios pack of action figures. Of course, the figures are of the former champs.))

Loverboy: Man what is it with you kids today? You all need some Ritalin or Prozac or something? Are you listening to that goth music garbage? Why do so many kids wanna cheer for men wearing black eyeliner and leather trench coats? You all need to cheer up!

((Loverboy actually crosses out the faces of all three action figures with heavy black lines across the clear blister packaging, then writes "Loverboy Owns These Losers!" over the thick, black line. The kid seems happy enough to have met an XWF wrestler and runs off to the side.))

Loverboy: Alright, dudes, are there any fans of the new Trios Champs in the house tonight? I don't have enough ink to write about how lame the old ones are, so come to the front of the line!

((There are a few groans as a little girl comes running to the front of the line. She's wearing a brightly colored Zoey Ryback t-shirt and clutching a stuffed Zoey XWF Brawlin' Buddy in her hands. She excitedly jumps up and down and hands the toy to Loverboy, who looks at her with disgust.))

Little Girl: I love you! When are you going to give Zoey her belt back?

Loverboy: Are you guys shitting me right now? Is this a rib? Kid, Zoey Ryback isn't a champion! I'M a champion! You're as bad as the GMs back in the XWF! Look me up on the XWF website and they don't even have me listed as a champion yet! Clean's on there! Zoey's on there! But me? It's like I can't catch a lick of respect from any of you! They've got me babysitting a preschool class in godforsaken Oklahoma, and they've got me wrestling a cartoon knight on Monday! Did you watch the pay par view, kiddo?

((The little girl nervously nods her head.))

Loverboy: And who won the Trios tag match?

Little Girl: Well, you, Zo -

Loverboy: That's right. ME. I won the damn Trios titles! Me and Clean Lucena carried that little punk Ryback and won the match IN SPITE of her and her shitty work ethic! IN SPITE of her attitude and IN SPITE of her weak ass wrestling! Where was Zoey Ryback at the end of the match, girl?

Little Girl: You hurt her! She was lying down asleep!

Loverboy: God damn right she was.

((Loverboy writes his name quickly across the Brawlin' Buddy, then reaches out and draws a big "L" on the girl's forehead.))

Loverboy: Have fun in school tomorrow, loser. Next!

((Suddenly, a voluptuous girl in tiny cutoff shorts strides to the front of the line, cutting off some fat kid with a Frodo Brawlin' Buddy. The woman is wearing what looks like an infant sized "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane t-shirt, and her ample assets are spilling out of the top.))

Loverboy: Hell yeah, now we're talking! A REAL fan who knows what time it is! What's your name, babydoll?

Girl: I'm Guinevere. And I'm, like, you're biggest fan.

Loverboy: Well, isn't that a coincidence? I've got a date with King Arthur's finest on Madness this week! And honey, you're definitely big in the right places! What can I sign for you, sweetheart?

((Guinevere leans forward across the table, lifting one high heeled shoe off the floor so she can reach all the way across and put her ruby red lips inches from Loverboy's. She frowns and looks down at her chest, squeezing her massive boobs together with her elbows.))

Guinevere: I didn't bring my favorite toy... my vibrating Loverboy... All I have with me are these!

((She wiggles her torso back and forth for emphasis as the faint metallic pinging sound of something hitting a title belt comes from beneath the table. Loverboy takes his time writing his full name across the mountainous bosoms before looking up into Guinevere's eyes.))

Loverboy: Damn girl, what are you doing tonight?

Guinevere: I'm working my shift at Little Darlings - you should come by. I'll show you the respect a champion deserves, honey.

Loverboy: I'll be there, for damn sure! And how about afterwards, you ride with me and my boys the rest of the way to Columbus, Ohio? You wanna watch me beat up a knight?

((Guinevere arches her back and leans all the way across the table, getting Loverboy in a greco-roman liplock with plenty of tongue for flavor. All the kids in line "oooooooooooooooooooo" like someone in class got caught doing something bad. After a few lustful seconds, Guinevere lets go.))

Guinevere: I'd love to see you teach him a lesson in jousting, Loverboy. I would love to polish your lance for you, too.

Loverboy: Oh shit, sweetie we have got to get out of here right now! Excalibur is ready to get pulled out of the stone, baby!

((Loverboy pops up from the table and rushes around to grab at Guinevere, who giggles as he squeezes her around her tiny waist. As the two start to leave together, the fat kid at the front of the line pipes up.))

Fat Kid: HEY! It's my turn! Sign my fuckin Frodo doll!

((Loverboy laughs and kneels down next to the obese little boy, rubbing him on his protruding belly as he answers him.))

Loverboy: Kid, sometimes a grownup has got to do grownup things! But hey, you know what? Your stuffed toy is actually a life sized replica of Frodo! Good deal right? Go eat some Ho-Hos, fatty.

((Loverboy gives the zoftig adolescent a rough noogie before jumping back up to his feet and grabbing at Guinevere again. As they start to walk off together, Loverboy turns his head and calls back over his shoulder to the agitated crowd.))

Loverboy: Don't forget to turn in to Monday Night Madness, everybody! Your Champion Megastar, Vinnie Lane, against a Medieval Times reject! Those autographs are gonna be worth a lot of money someday!

((And the beautiful duo scamper off into the Oklahoma sun.))