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Walter "Waldo" Wilcox · (08-25-2014)

It's been quite a time when we last saw Waldo lurking around. What has he been up to? Oh, plenty of things that you might find interesting like learning how to play Magic: The Gathering. He isn't very good. That pretty much sums up what he's been up to the last several months.

Ever since Kaley Cuoco put that restraining order on him for supposed stalking, he hasn't been the same. He hasn't made many friends in the XWF where he hoped to find some, so he's locked himself away apartment 201. He wanted a first floor room, and was told there were a few available. They gave him a second floor. The poor guy couldn't muster enough courage to argue so he settled.

Waldo hasn't shaved in a long time. Before you start picturing what he looks like or how long his facial hair might be, let me be honest with you so sit down and take a deep breath. Waldo cannot grow a beard. He has a few hairs coming from both sides of his face that, after 5 or 6 years I'm sure, he could get some sideburns. His chin grows just enough to cover it but the length stays put less than an inch away. He doesn't look homeless or like a hunter in the woods. He looks like a business man that just woke up after one night.

Pizza boxes are everywhere. Left over spaghetti still sits on his kitchen table. Oh, I almost forgot! He use to be a complete neat freak and feared germs. Kaley's split from Waldo has helped him in that sense. He no longer uses a tissue when opening a door. He no longer folded his clothes nice and neat after the dryer cycle. If he did wash and dry them, he'd grab them out and throw them on the floor.

Yes, our beloved Waldo has gone through a change. He's no longer the...

:: screams coming from outside ::

Waldo stops playing his Magic: The Gathering once he hears screams. I wonder what our hero is going to do.

Waldo peaks out the window and sees two men holding a lady. This is your chance Waldo. Shine! Shine! The Waldo symbol is out.

:: Waldo burps. He watches from the window like it's a movie ::

Come on, Waldo! Be the man we know you can be. Be...

:: Waldo looks like something hit him in the head. He rushes to his phone, which is an iPhone 5s but does have a cracked screen, and dials 4-1-1. ::

Oh for pete's sake! 4-1-1? Really, Waldo? It's 9-1-1. 9.... 1.... 1.

:: Waldo stops. He listens to the call and realizes it wasn't right. ::

"Did someone just say 9-1-1?

What's going on? Did he just hear me?

"Ahh!

:: Waldo runs into the bathroom for some reason. ::

"I heard you! Don't kill me. Take whatever you want.

So, you can actually hear me?

"Take anything!

We'll talk about this later. But Waldo, do me a favor would you? DIAL 9-1-1.

"O-Okay.

:: Waldo, who is quite scared hearing a voice from someone who isn't there, does what he's told. He dials 9-1-1. ::

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?

:: Waldo looks shocked. His mouth is wide open. ::

"Hello? 9-1-1, what's your emergency?

:: Waldo hangs up the phone ::

Um, Waldo, it's me again.. the voice you're hearing. Why did you just hang up the phone? There's a girl in trouble.

"She's not in trouble. It's Kaley Cuoco. She lives in my apartment. That's just two of her guy friends.

Should you really be living in the same apartment as Kaley? I mean, she has that restraining order.

"Oh, we made up since then. We're taking things slow. Wait! That's not why I hung up. Did you hear what the lady said voice? She said 9-1-1 and emergency.

Yes. And?

"9-1-1 ... 9/11 ... September 11th. It was an emergency. Don't you see voice? The people who did it have a phone number!

Waldo. 9-1-1 has been in existence for a long time.

"A long time? So they've been planning attacks forever! We have to stop them.

Waldo. Seriously? You call 9-1-1 when you have an emergency, and they dial into the police, firemen, and so forth.

:: Waldo dials 9-1-1 again ::

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?

"I'm onto your games. I'm on the case.

"Excuse me?

:: Waldo's phone vibrates. He hangs up again and looks. It's an incoming text from XWF. ::

"Woah. Cool. I have a match. I'm back!

Thank God.

"Oh, don't worry voice. We're on the 9-1-1 case too. Kaley and I will find out the truth.

Boo.

"Ahh!

:: Waldo jumps when he hears the voice spook him. He realizes he's been talking to a voice and not an actual person. He starts looking around. ::

"How are you talking to me?

I'm not...

"Shh! There's no time. We have to get on this case immediately!

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