Scene open*Crimson Dong laid out on bed*pants off of course but underwear tighty whitey*

The Crimson Dong breaks the silence with an epic promo nobody saw coming with their thongs wrapped around their eyes!

THE CRIMSON DONG::: Well well well look you've the key here here. It looks like my match has had a replacement putting it in the name of JP Carino, and no longer is staggered Jones in the match with David Scully and myself! I wonder what happened to standard Jones that had him removed from the match and I wonder why JP Carino thinks that he can somehow measure up to the length and hardness of the Crimson dog. I am the one that will be walking out of this match Victorias… And do you know why? It's because I was adopted last week bye queue. Last week after I won my match the alien known as Q abducted me from the starship enterprise and took me to the land of the Transformers where I was greeted by Megatron, Starscream, soundwave, and even unit crime himself. I was given powers by the Hells Angels and also a leather jacket and vest. Now that I am the member of the gang known as the vice Lords, I am pretty much guaranteed to win every encounter I am slept into. They got my back G, they got my back G, just like I got that plus that's purpose that Puss Puss Puss give me give me give me that Puss Puss Puss. So let me start out by saying this David Scully – I am going to take you and I am going to punch you in the throat. After I punch you in the throat I will kick you in the ribs and give you a DDT or onto the map.

Next up is Jay P Carino – – what makes you think that you can pull some bullsh*t you f*cking get in my g*dd*mn matching mother f*cking a**hole instead of stagger Jones? Who are you anyway and what happens to your mohawk why do you look so different than you did your first week here I just saw a picture of you and it looks like you got a lot of new tattoos and had a tan and have a different hairstyle and you look a little bit more gay I'm sorry less gay. What's going on? Are there multiple JP Carino is running around what are you going to look like by the time you step into the ring with me are you going to love looking like a pile of vomit by the time I am done pummeling you into submission? Who will you look like then a French poodle named Toi Balla clean towel come watch TV more?? I don't even know what I just said, but I do know that it makes a lot more sense than you coming in and getting plastic surgery to change yourself from looking like a manly woman into a gay dude. Now why don't you take your a**hole and open very wide and put your own fist in it so that there's no room for my boot? Because guess what? Go ahead and guess?? That that did you guess what? JP I am going to feed you your first submission loss because when I get you in the cobra clutch and turn it into a camel clutch that I h*mped during there will be nothing left for you to do because I going to get even a chicken wing into an arm bar into a Camaro lock into a neck clock into a half Nelson half chicken wing combination into a chokehold into a rear naked choke and then I'm going to headbutt you in the back of your head for the win. I don't think that there's anyone on the planet that has any idea how powerful I am after I was a abducted by Q, because he infused into me an unbeatable undeniable strength called super lock Korinbo Ch'Boogie Nemo on the freeway team I cannot be beaten now you know why. And now you know not to even try!!! I'm going to take some gasoline and spread into your faces and then I'm going to make you both make out with each other while I like the match and I'm going to put the match under my own balls and send me my own ball hair. Then when it finally hurts to much for me to continue holding it under my balls…

Do you know what I will do? That's right I will keep the match and swallow it. Then I will take a lighter unlike both of you on fire while I spray my own p*ss all over you to put you out and then I will pour gasoline all over you again and relay due at midnight
The flames and do a Honkytonk a dance while I spin crackers and cheese out of my g*dd*mn nipples and mowing more Nonnina well you know the fans will get into it and I'll be clapping and singing and dangling filling in with the Crimson dong dong dong dong dong I can't be beaten tonight or tomorrow or the day after and I don't even know what they are matches but I know that I do know I have the win. I am just like Charlie Sheen… Winning! Winning winning I win. Do you know why? No JP Carino and David Scully cannot even double-team me if they try to double teabag me or double penetrate RDP me I am going to squeeze my orifices so tight that both of them creating in pain and have to tap out at the same time. So with that said where's that Puss I need that plus get that Puss Puss Puss I need to post give me that pussy can meet at post Puss Puss I depression blow me blow me blow me now.

 ☻ I will eat a Listerine strip and have fresh breath when I come to town this Saturday because I am coming to the show assistant I will show the deep I will show it very deep and I don't mean the name of the show I mean I am going to shove JP Carino and David Scully deep deep deep down into a hole in the ground and then I'm going to fill it with the fans after I murder all of the fans because that seems to be what goes over on Saturday night is sick sh*t like murder instead of a good classic interviews like the Crimson Dogn used to do so now I'm bad m*therf*ckers, I got abducted by Q and he made me a bad f*ggot and I'm going to show all of you just what I mean by that when I snap my fingers and he shows up out of thin air and puts it bleed through each of your nipples and then puts those nipples on display for sale and then after that I'm going to do a little more who the envelope accounts like I was Hawaii and holiday holiday moyamoya and E Mimi Nino Moorcock who do it you will leave the musical touches each inside needs Emiles Seablue Otori Otori evil is Titus Jim she cheated good old lid? So now you know pretty much my whole plan and my strategy and what I am going to do! I'm not; dime Homo Cheesefactory I'm working with quarters and their Bicentennial's and I also have quarters that are solid silver so take your pennies and your nickels and your wooden nickels and your two dollar bills and shove them all up JP Carino's a**hole or his mohawk and his last dildo one because I don't know what in the world can be done to make meaning, Honda, Toyota Tom don't honey don't ignore do not forget or ignore the bundled cowboy boy balloon balloon stuff my balloon with your hair color and your cheese fries and your cologne that stinks my iPad, I don't even care if you give me an inducement or some sort of beverage like a morning downtown I am the Crimson dingdong I am the bloody d*ck I am unbeatable and I have never lost. This weekend I will show you why!

The Crimson Dogma does a backflip into a karate ninja style breakdance kick spring into a jumping pelvic thrust of doom all over the camera man to end this cut.