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Guppy Parsh · **08-22-2014, 12:01 PM**

The days moved by slowly. Stevil’s artistic vision continued to grow stronger broader as the days passed on. He just got pushier and angrier. We shot hours upon hours of footage, but nothing was good enough for him. Nothing else that we made was strong enough to be attributed to the Guppy Parsh brand. I thought we were out of ideas, but that was all before Stevil’s 2nd magnum opus.

It wasn’t something I was proud of, but Stevil told me it was the best promo he was ever involved with. It was a very artistic promo I guess because I pooped in his mouth. I’m not sure if I understand this whole art thing. I think that’s why I need someone with the leadership abilities that Stevil has. The man is a world-renowned pizza party critic so obviously he knows what makes a wrestling promo good. Stevil is a very kind man; I don’t know what came over me when I thought he kidnapped my dad. There isn’t any artistic merit in kidnapping someone! Come on!

Anyway, Stevil has become a part of me. We bonded. We are now one man. We are now one entity. Stevil is Gotham. He swallowed my poop. He earned my goodwill and my trust. Stevil is more than just my promo director; he’s my friend and mentor. I need Stevil to lead me down the Road To Xtreme. What if there was a fork in the road? Where would I go? Where would I be without Stevil’s guidance?

“You’d be promo-less.”

“You’d be nothing.”

Exactly that. Stevil is fixing me. He's molding me into the greatest hero I can become. I was walking down this road at first, but Stevil let me in his car. He's giving me the lift I need. I can't walk alone. The Road to Xtreme is a pit of danger in its own right. We need to drive through it. We need to floor it.

“Shit in my mouth, GUPPY!”

“I WANT 2 taste ur SWEET ASS chocolate.”

“DROP your fucking PANTS

.”

“UR BUTT food is good.”

Why can’t you leave me alone? I destroyed you. You don’t own me anymore. I belong to my city.

“We have an IRON CLAD CONTRACT on ur life.”

“You KILLED the messenger, PARSHIEPOO, but GOD and SATAN live on.”

“We’ll EAT YOUR SOUL and ur butt food.”

“Guppy, MISS JOY WILL END U.”

Just like Cain was going to? I’ll take my chances. I know you want me to run, but I won’t run. I told you I was ready to die.

“OH? WHO said you die?”

You just did. You said Miss Joy would end me.

“That was mind games GUPPY. THIS is GOD speaking. SATAN and I LOVE getting in ur head.”

“YOUR head IS SO GAY on the inside.”

“YOU HAVE A lame fucking head, guppy.”

You guys aren’t in my head.

“Guppy, can you shut up in there? I’m trying to write another promo for you.”

“Sorry Stevil!”

“You’LL REALLY want to APOLOGIZE to him soon.”

“STEVIL is gonna die.”

“Stevil is u guppy.”

“U said it URSELF GUPPY.”

No one is going to end Stevil.

“JEFF HARDY RIP-OFF has it coming.”

“HE HAS sinned. WE WILL REJOYCE when u get pinned and he dies.”

No one is going to p-

The door recklessly swung open and Stevil mercilessly stepped into the room of riot. He had a wicked smile on his masked face. “Guppy, I have a promo.”

“Do we have to do another one? Was that other one not enough?”

“What other one?”

“The one where I poop in your mouth.”

“Oh, right,” Stevil winks wickedly, “Guppy that wasn’t a promo; that video was just for me”

“What do you mean?”

“I just wanted to have a wank over that later.”

“What about that stuff about being involved in the high art of pornography helping me win matches?”

“It is helping you win matches. Something doesn’t have to be a promo to be artistic or helpful. Trust me, you’re going to win.”

“Alright.”

“Anyway, for our first promo, and I may be over thinking this, but I think a lot of people like funny shit in their promos. Making people laugh is an art, Guppy.”

“How do you make a promo funny? Isn’t wrestling always serious business?”

“I’ll tell you. I’ve hired several actresses and sent them to various hotels where the XWF roster is staying. I told them to pretend they were the mothers and girlfriends of XWF wrestlers and to improvise when they felt it necessary. We’ve been filming their actions, Guppy.”

“I don’t get it. What’s so funny about that?”

“I’m getting to that, so the gullible idiots will fall for this trick. They’ll think they’re banging one of their piers’ mom in one of their promos but it will actually be an actor I hired.”

…

“So, the funny promo?”

“We show the footage and that it is a fake mom or girlfriend in our promo and then you say ‘PRANKED’! It’ll be really funny because you ruined that guy’s promo.”

“Are you sure that’s funny?”

“Watch for yourself, Guppy. Darren Dangerous already fell for it.”

Stevil sickeningly started playing one of Darren Dangerous’ promos. Darren Dangerous made the actor playing Scully’s mom cream her panties and then he banged her.

“See! Isn’t it funny if you know going in that it was an actor and not actually the British guy’s mom? I even told her to pretend her son called for more laughs.”

Stevil seemed to think it was really funny, but why did Guppy feel so conflicted?

“I have an idea! Maybe we can make that other promo with the pooping our promo and this one can be the one you watch later and not make it a promo?”

Stevil demonically shuts off the promo, “I already used our entire promo budget on this budget on this. Imagine the headlines, 'Stevil does comedy,' everyone will be laughing at this promo, Guppy.”

There was something missing. Guppy had to show Stevil another avenue. There had to be a different direction this promo could go in to make it more complete. He felt like he had to make a suggestion, any suggestion at all.

“We should do that promo where I go to the beach and talk about the ocean. We could make that funny.”

Stevil’s fist of chaos viciously rammed into Guppy’s table of turmoil. Stevil then flips the table sadistically.

“THE BEACH ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY. Okay? We’re going to do good promos with artistic merit like the wank material we made earlier. YOU WERE OKAY WITH SHITTING IN MY MOUTH, BUT WHEN YOU DON’T GET THE JOKE IT’S THE END OF THE LINE? You know what, Guppy? FUCK YOU. You’re a BETA piece of shit. You’re the WORST fucking actor of all time. You’re IM-FUCKING-POSSIBLE to work with. I REFUSE TO WASTE MY TALENTS WORKING FOR A MAN-CHILD,” Stevil cruelly kicked the downed table of solitude. “You’re lucky your shit tastes so fucking good, Guppy, or I would have left you a long time ago. I'm packing up my TRAILER OF TORTURE and I'm leaving forever."

Stevil manically walked out of Guppy’s bedroom. He was gone. Guppy didn’t know how to keep his friend and without a promo he’d have less of a chance at achieving the artistic high ground. His baby would get a new mommy. His city would have a new protector. His destiny with Peter Gilmour would be put on indefinite hold. His best friend would die.

DING-DONG!

Ding-dong? Then Guppy remembered the pizza he ordered. It was his only hope.

“Wait, Stevil, that’s the pizza! Stay for dinner and we can talk about this, alright?”

Stevil hellishly froze as his stomach of stipulation ravenously rumbled. Guppy’s shit was very filling, but that meal was days ago, “Fine, but if this pizza party isn’t objectively better than the last one you’ll never see me again and you’ll never throw another pizza party in this town.”

Guppy fin.

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