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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Relentless Day 2 (August 23rd) PPV RP Archive
Dinner Served Cold. Toast Served Buttered. Promo 101: Relevance
Author Message
Guppy Parsh Offline
Person Against The Rape Of Lizards



XWF FanBase:
Kids, disabled people, casual fans

(fighting the odds; helps others; disliked by most adult male fans)


#1
08-15-2014, 11:14 PM

(06-22-2014, 01:23 PM)Paul Heyman Said:

Cain lifts him up, on the way down, Parsh reverses the slam and delivers an arm drag to the much larger Cain. Cain flies across the ring and rolls out of the ring. A side effect of which, sees Cain smack his head off the fan barricade.


Guppy gets back to his feet. Waylon is back to his and putting a dip of Beechnut in his mouth. Guppy closes in just in time for Waylon to spit the dip out in his direction. Guppy, being the super hero that he is, catches the Beechnut between his teeth and spit its to the mat.


Waylon charges in hard and receives a kick to the midsection for his trouble. PACKAGE PILEDRIVER!



JOEY STYLES: “STRIKEDEATH!”



Guppy goes for the cover.


1...


















2...



















3!



WINNER: Guppy Parsh – NEW RTX Champion




JOEY STYLES: “Guppy Parsh! He's done it! He's got his hands on the championship he's coveted!”





I had high hopes. It was a fight for my life. Dogma’s Ben Affleck’s wishes had to be carried out by me. Sure, I didn’t need to take Cain’s championship, but to the victor goes the spoils. The better bat won. The strength of the free is the strongest force there is. I went from the smallest fish to the biggest fish in the RTX pond, but everyone wants to knock off the biggest fish.

....

Or no one does. It doesn’t really matter. The RTX Championship is very prestigious, but no one seems to see the diamond that it is. It’s a very shiny belt and it’s Gotham’s. It’s a belt I must protect. It belongs to the greatest city in the world. It’s our greatest treasure.

Whoever holds this belt not only becomes the most feared wrestler on the Road To Xtreme, but they also become the sworn defender of everything that can’t defend itself. I am more than just a champion. I’m a parent. I have duties. Like Batman’s uncle once said, “With great power comes great duties, but don’t let that power make you a villain.” It’s true. Even though Gone Baby Gone’s director Ben Affleck’s uncle is not my own I will still heed his words. I respect my elders. I respect the dead. I respect Gotham.

Miss Joy and I will meet in the ring. I had to hold an open challenge to even get on this show. She's the only person, besides the man I took this belt from, that sees the belt the way I do. The RTX Championship is a prize.

The match itself will be a very joyous occasion. It will be a celebration of where the Road To Xtreme has taken me. If all goes well I’ll get my match against the Ruler of the Realm of Xtreme, but I can’t look ahead of myself. I haven’t reached the end of the road yet. There are still speed bumps and there are still potholes. My entire life has been a bumpy road, but soon I will sail smoothly.


Mr. XWGWF Said:“Give me your shitty XWFaggot gold. It's worth more as toilet paper.”

Mr. XWF only speaks in good fun. He only wants to make people laugh and he always succeeds. Everything he says is in jest, but that doesn’t mean it can’t affect me. The fact it has almost been two months since I defended the RTX Championship makes me feel the furthest from Gotham I’ve ever been. I feel like I left my child in the gutter. I feel like I’ve been ignoring my destiny because I fear my fate. I can’t tell for sure if I’m afraid of losing Gotham or death from this curse.

Miss Joy wants my baby, she wants my city, and she wants my destiny. If I can’t win then I don’t deserve to any of those things. I’d have to happy for her from my grave.



“You’re so grim, Bats, it’s really quite cute,” the voice was the last thing Guppy wanted to hear.

“Can you leave me alone? You remind me of my past.”

“Oh? That makes sense. I am from your past after all,” the owner of the voice stepped into the light.

[Image: 1911835_10152112126301026_238494358_n.jpg]

“I think you owe me a pizza. Don’t you?” the masked man’s skulled robes of disaster blinked at the newly reformed hero of Gotham.

“I never owed you anything,” Guppy bit the crust of his slice of Supreme with Pineapple pizza. He then chewed it with his mouth closed.

“Is that what you think? Do you know what happened at that pizza party after you left? I was promised the best pizza party of all time, one that would blow Donald Trump’s out of the water, but I didn’t get it that night. Apparently it takes four months for you to re-order a pizza?”

“That pizza is dead. The Sum of All Fears' Ben Affleck killed it.”

“Give me a slice of this one then.”

Guppy slid the tray with the remaining seven slices of pizza to the masked man. “It’s yours, I’m not hungry.”

The masked man set down his umbrella and sat at the table.

“What’s that gleaming metal thing on your lap?” asked the masked man, “It looks like a napkin.”

“It is rather shiny, that’s true enough.”

“Maybe I could use it to wipe my face?”

“Go for it.”

The masked man picked up the RTX Championship Belt and moved it across his face, smearing the tomato sauce all over his mask. Satisfied, he set the belt back in Guppy’s lap.

“Thanks, the name’s Stevil, by the way.”

“Stevil?” asked Guppy. “Like in that episode of Family Matters?”

“No, it’s like Steve, but evil,” the masked man winked sadistically, “Do you remember the night we met, Guppy?”

“I do, and I’m pretty sure that’s what they were going for in that Family Matters episode. Stevil was an evil doll that looked like Urkel.”

“My parents thought of the name first, okay?”

“Is that really your birth name? How did they know you were evil the day you were born?”

“Guppy, I don’t feel like telling you my life story right now.”

Stevil chewed the crust, and Guppy used a napkin to wipe some tomato sauce off his belt. Even with the sauce the belt gleamed as beautifully as ever, but a clean belt makes a clean slate. Parsh's cursed shoulders ached. He had a match for the first time in months, and that meant he had to make more promotional videos. It was a contractual obligation. Guppy sipped at his glass of water, but the thought didn't go away. He needed to shoot a promo of some kind, and he couldn't just sit in this pizza parlor for his entire life. He had to take action.

Was Guppy Parsh capable of cutting a promo? He wasn't an actor, an alien, or a vampire. He was a vigilante. He didn't really have time for promos or wrestling, so Guppy needed to make time.

“You’re right, maybe you could tell me it later, and we could shoot it scene for scene in a promo?”

“Why would you make a promo about my life story? Am I an important part of your upcoming match?”

“No, but I’ve been getting nothing in the way promo ideas lately. I was never the one who made the promos, that was all Mr. Racist Remarks. I think part me wishes he was alive so shooting promos would be a lot easier. The deadline for promos is just getting closer and closer; I’m out of practice too.”

“Just turn on a video camera and call her a whore, no…a slut!”

“Isn’t that mean?”

“Does the shoe fit, Guppy? You were a doctor; just give her the bad news. That would make a pretty good promo.”

“Maybe I could say something about her, but I think I’m going to go in the direction of something more artsy. I could be on the beach and the waves come crashing in, then I say something metaphorical about the ocean and talk about how it’s such a pretty day out.”

“I have a better idea. How about you’re trying to write a letter to a loved one in pencil and you bite the tip of your eraser? That’s when you hear a knock on the door, you answer it, and at the door is an actor portraying your father. Your fake dad starts begging you to let Joy Giovanni win, but you tell him you’ll bring no mercy.”

“Why does my dad like Miss Joy?”

“What if she reminds him of the only thing he ever loved? Get creative, Guppy. It’s your promo. Have fun with it, then give her the beating Hunter never gave her.”

“Right, I can make whatever promo I want. I don’t have to fight Superman or break my curse right now; I could save those scenes for when I’m better at directing promos. Thanks Stevil.”

“Don’t mention it, kid. It’s the least I can do. This pizza is the greatest gift a man could have,” the masked man smirked devilishly, “Remember that promo you did that I was in?”

“I do, that was the day we met. Mr. Racist Remarks never said your name, but he said that you were very important. He made me read a combination of random words off of a card and then told me to open a door.”

“He was an odd one, that Racist Remarks fellow.”

“He made me rape people. I always resented him because of that.”

“We shouldn’t speak of the dead if we have nothing positive to say," Stevil picked up another slice of supreme with pineapple, "I'm sorry for your loss. Hollywoodland's Ben Affleck was a great man.”

"He saved my life, but it was his time."

Stevil raised his sickening glass of death.

"To Ol' Benny."

"To Ol' Benny!"

CLINK!

The mutual acquaintances of a demon spawned by God and Satan became acquaintances of each other. The pizza was amazing. Supreme with pineapple is truly a gift. Any pizza party that doesn't have at least a slice on hand can barely claim the term. A party like that one can change a person's life. It was a 4 month long excursion, but all the days I spent in captivity were worth it. It turned out I was waiting for one of the liveliest events I've ever attended, accompanied with a taste that could seduce children. - 8/10

Guppy fin.

[Image: H1oMImx.jpg]

16-4
XWF Top 50 of All-Time (#22 on 2015 and 2017 editions, #26 on 2021 edition)
1x RTX/Ruler of the Road to Extreme Xtreme WORLD Champion
2x Trio Tag Champion (1x as Tri Bute /w Ms. Diaz, Ms. Snow Pharaoh, and Mr. Supernova) (1x /w Benito Angelo and Jervis Cottonbelly)
1x Ark of The Covenant Champion
Winner of Gaybe Lincoln's XWF Tag Team Tournament /w Scully
Leader of the PAT-RO-oL's Anti-Rapist Division




Shoutout to Graves for the banner

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