Soundboard: You’re listening to 19.99 XWfm the home of Xtreme!

Kip: “Hey what’s up marks this is Kip Clarence and you have the pleasure of listening to XWfm, where the action never stops! That was Radiohead with There, There, and up next we got some Rival Schools for you; but first we have a very special guest, ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages please welcome Gator!”

Cheers and a round of applause

“Yo.”

Kip: “And his cameraman Todd.”

Toilet Flush

“No one can see you awkwardly waving Todd! Put your damn hand down.”

Kip: “So Gator how’s it hanging?”

“Low and lazy.”

Kip: “Wuh-oh!”

Boing-oing-oing

“Stop that.”

Kip: “Sorry. So Gator you’ve been in the XWF for a month now. How you finding it?”

“It’s been good, happy be part of the fed.”

Kip: “That’s good to hear. So you’re up against Mastermind! Worried at all?”

“No actually. I’m not worried at all. You see I got taught a lesson here early, I am not going to perceive a man, who knows nothing about his opponent and auto-assumes victory, a threat.”

Kip: “Wow. Strong words from the Gator.”

“Drop the ‘the.’

Kip: “Sorry again. So no worries about Mastermind; is there anyone who does worry you in the XWF?”

“... Morbid Angel. He’s never lost a match. Not one.”

Kip: “Ermmmm... Yeah right. Enough about the XWF, what about your personal life? You and Todd ever going to get hitched?”

T: “Well actual-“

“Maybe one day. Anything for my bottom bitch.”

T: “Woah Wh-“

Kip: “Careful on the language there Gator please.”

“Sorry Kip, just wanted to talk about how Todd get’s pounded every night. Didn’t Frodo visit you once as well?”

T: “NO! This isn’t true!”

Kip: “Okay Todd, no need for all the X rated homosexuality! Haha okay guys we need to wrap this up. Gator, any famous one-liners or catchphrases you want to throw out to the people at home?”

“Nobody listens to the radio at home. This isn’t 1942.”

Kip: “It’s just an expression. Come on, one-liner, we only got a minute left.”

“...”

T: “...”

“... 9/11 was an inside job.”

Kip: “Get out.”


*Gator leaves a building through large doors. He’s stuffs a piece of paper into the suit he’s wearing. He greets Todd holding the camera following Gator, the pair start to walk down the street*

“Well, it’s official. I am now a US citizen! Just like you Todd.”

T: “Actually I’m Canadian.”

“Uuh! You immigrants disgust me! You’re ruining this country with your work visas and dedicated attitude towards hard manual labour!”

T: “Right... So, any big plans now that you’re a citizen?”

“Maybe buy a pickup truck. And a gun... A licensed firearm anyway; hang out with a bald eagle. Not sure really.”

*Gator lights up a cigarette*

“I do want to talk about Mastermind.”

T: “Wait. How do you know he did a new promo?”

“I watched it before I took my test; it was only like 3 minutes long. I like that about Mazzy, toilet break promos, so considerate.”

T: “Okay, but can we sit down somewhere to do this, my feet hurt.”

“We’ve been walking for a minute! Fine, there’s a park across the road, we’ll do it there.”

*The pair cross the street and enter a playground. Gator sits on a bench with Todd facing the camera at Gator. Some mothers on a bench opposite seem worried about a masked man being so close to their children*

“Mazzy you goddamn commie! I am now an American citizen and I can call you that because I’m not a peasant foreigner anymore... Sarcasm, in case you didn’t get it, which knowing you, you probably didn’t. It’s not the matter of one person copying another. You said I copied Mark Flynn, no. I like his t-shirt. I don’t make my own t-shirts you see; I let XWF handle my merchandise, because I want to see my fans wearing my t-shirts.... Like that kid there.”

*Todd points the camera at a child going down the slide with a Gator ‘The Walking Disaster’ t-shirt. Now available on XWF.com/merch! Buy it now while stocks last!*

*The camera turns back to Gator*

“I don’t want to keep them as 10 dollar trophies in my study. You say I copied Flynn, I didn’t. Hand on heart that’s the dog honest truth. The fact is you open yourself up to this reticule, doing the same thing over and over. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s still the same thing over and over and over expecting different results, that is the definition of insanity my friend. I didn’t copy of Flynn, Flynn didn’t copy of Zoey Ryback, Zoey didn’t copy of Ashe Dawson etcetera, etcetera. You do the same thing all the time, it’s just too easy to point out and poke fun at. That wall, that chair, the whistling, the t-shirts and your overall personality; it’s too easy to mock. It’s sad really, I feel like I’m kicking a polio ridden Ethiopian kid on the floor. Life has already done the worst for you, but everyone else keeps on kicking.... Kinda like that kid over there.”

*Gator points and the camera goes to 3 kids kicking another child on the ground*

“Fuck. Someone should do something about that.”

*Camera turns back to Gator inhaling the cigarette smoke*

“Anyway Masterbate... No that’s stupid, sorry about that, Mastermind. They way you act, reminds me of that kid from school, or that kid crying on the floor... GUARD YOUR FACE YOU FUCKING MORON! ... Did you get bullied in school for being an arrogant asshole? The kid who thought he was too smart for everyone so ended up being a loner and throwing insults at the other kids, only to end up getting the shit kicked out of him for being so high on his own pedestal. Then to defend yourself, you said the other kids bullied you because they were jealous of your intelligence. I knew a kid like that in school, he was a dick. He wasn’t even that smart, just like you.”

"I do feel a little bad for you, all things considered. You're pulling double duty this week, must be the reason why your work is so sloppy. Trying so hard to keep up with Cain, who is dragging you through your match, and the others who are exceeding you in every way possible. Both in humor, trash talk and creativity. So, because you look so tired from all this poor work I'm going to give you a compliment, cheer you up a little, put a smile on that ugly mush. I like your accent. And New Zealand is a beautiful country, I'd like to visit one day... We both dislike Zoey Ryback, or at least I do. She fucked you, and not in the good way, made you lose the tournament for the trio belts, she sandbagged you in your one on one, same way she kinda sandbagged Gator and the Greek. Hey, that should cheer you up! You have something in common with me! What an honor."

*A mother and daughter walk up to Gator and Todd*

Mother: “Excuse me mister Gator, my daughter here is a big fan.”

“You let your daughter watch XWF? You’re a horrible mother!”

Mother: “... I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. Would you mind signing something for my daughter?”

“I’ll sign your tits.”

*The woman gasps and covers her giggling child’s ears*

Mother: “Well I never!”

*They begin to walk away*

“You never what!? Sucked a dude’s dick for meth! Fuck you! I’m trying to enjoy a nice day in the park and you ruined it!”

T: “That was a little harsh.”

“Nah, they knew I was joking. Anyway Marcie. I tried to give you some advice. Do something different, it’s all I asked. You didn’t follow my advice so now you’re stuck in this hole you’ve dug yourself into. You’re t-shirts are what piss me off the most about you, hoarding them like idols. It’s .” *Gator clicks his fingers* “That’s it! I know what you are now! Not a fisherman, not a sick Ethiopian, not a crying beaten child. You are the fat guy at the beach, walking round with his smug grin, far too small speedos and his favourite ‘Female Body Inspector’ t-shirt. Loving that shirt, thinking you’re so original and creative, instead everyone is bored of you, laughing at you, not with you. Showing off that novelty shirt because you lack the creativity to think of something unique by yourself. Haha, you’re right; I’m not on your level, I am above you. You are below me, how you made it as far as you have is a mystery to me.”

*Gator throws the cigarette to the ground, exhaling a large amount of smoke*

“Wednesday night, I will tear you limb from limb... Put that on a fucking shirt.”