The following is an XWF99.com YouTube exclusive…

The camera opens up onto Steve Sayors standing in front of some sort of church.

Steve Sayors: It’s Steve Sayors here and I’m reporting from Atlanta, where this week’s Madness is set to take place. In the Main Event, Aidan Collins will make his XWF return and go one-on-one with the always dangerous Eli James! Aidan requested to be interviewed here on Auburn Avenue, a historic area of Atlanta dedicated to Martin Luther King, Jr. Dr. King’s birth home is located here as his personal gravesite. The church I stand in front is the famous Ebenezer Baptist Church, where MLK and his father pastored. It’s my first time here and I have to say that I’m honored to be in a place of such historical significance.

Steve looks around.

Steve Sayors: Now, I’m not sure where Aidan is, as he made very specific demands on what time we’d be meeting under threats of a nuclear wedgie…

From the distance, the sound of a muffled song being played starts to amplify. The song gets louder and louder until the song is identified as Daft Punk’s “Harder Better Faster Stronger”. The song gets louder and louder to a near obscene level and a Lamborghini Veneno pulls into the frame. The music is being played from the car so loudly that the Church in the background seems to vibrate from being assaulted with sound waves. Steve puts his hands over his ears to protect his eardrums and one of the church’s stained glass window bursts from the noise.

Finally the car shuts off and the music stops. The suicide doors to the vehicle open and Aidan walks out from the driver side. From the passenger side, two skimpily dressed women emerge.

Aidan Collins: Sayors! Ya nerd, get over here!

Aidan runs over and puts Steve in a headlock while giving him a noogie. This goes on for an uncomfortably long time, Aidan squeezing on Sayors’ head until it starts to turn a shade of purple.

Finally Aidan lets go and Sayors catches his breath.

Aidan Collins: Wow, so this is where MLK grew up huh? Pretty sweet, I wonder if he ever ghost rode a whip down this street!

Aidan notices that Steve’s standing there kind of awkwardly and it confuses him. In the past, Steve looked up to Bliz in a way, almost creepily. But now, Steve seems a little wary of Da Bliz.

Aidan Collins: What’s wrong, Steve-o?

Steve Sayors: You don’t remember the last time we spoke?

Aidan shrugs and Steve seems a little offended that Blizzard doesn’t remember.

Steve Sayors: The last time we met was before your match with Bigg Rigg at that XWF Reunion show a couple years back. We met at a bar and you proceeded to slip LSD into my drink! I was arrested shortly after being found naked in the streets yelling for my mother!

Aidan looks concerned for a second… and then bursts out laughing.

Aidan Collins: Jeez, Steve, really? Well, hey, at least I blessed you with an awesome story, that’s the coolest shit I’ve ever heard from you. Now, let bygones be bygones… I brought you a girl!

Aidan points towards the trashier looking of the two females he brought. She’s a black woman, around the age of thirty, wearing a pink dress. Her weave has strands of purple that match her nails. She’s a little run down but still attractive with a giant ass. She has big hands and a defined jaw but still kind of pulls off a Sexy Oprah look.

Aidan Collins: I picked her up on Fulton Industrial Boulevard, just for you buddy! This one’s on the house. We cool now? Her name is Lascivious!

Steve looks at Lascivious and she bites her lip while letting out a small queef… A love fart, if you will.

Steve Sayors: You… You brought hookers here? To Martin Luther King’s burial site!?

Aidan Collins: Hookers, Steve? Come on, who do you think I am? Tiffany over there…

Aidan points to the other female, a young Asian model in a yellow dress.

Aidan Collins: Tiffany is not a hooker. I would never sleep with a hooker myself. Are you crazy? I found Tiffany on Tinder, dude. Only Lascivious is a hooker. Now are we going to go somewhere to do this interview or what?

Steve Sayors: Yeah… I guess so.

The camera cuts, so Bliz and Steve can go somewhere to sit down and do their interview.

…

The camera opens up to a close up of Steve and Bliz sitting next to each other. Steve looks uncomfortable.

Steve Sayors: Do you think this is the best place to conduct our interview? We might get in trouble.

Aidan Collins: Steve, please. We’ll be fine.

The camera zooms out and reveals that they’re sitting on top of a gravestone. Specifically, Aidan sits on Martin Luther King’s gravestone while Steve sits on top of Coretta Scott King’s tombstone.

Steve Sayors: So… um… where to start?

Steve shuffles through a pack of index cards that he has on his lap. Aidan slaps them off.

Aidan Collins: Ask me about my intentions to impregnate a hundred women by the end of this year.

Steve Sayors: You’re trying to make a hundred women pregnant this year!?

Aidan Collins: Why yes, Steve, and I even have a show that we’re recording right now that will be airing on UPN in the fall. It’s a reality competition of sorts… I’ve decided that since I have the most desirable genetics on this planet that it would behoove me have as many children as possible. I can’t confirm any pregnancies right now but what I can confirm is that I’ve did the dirty with no less than 5 qualified females who have been tested and proven to be fertile. By the end of the month, periods will probably start to be skipped and Aidan Collins will go from being Big Daddy Bliz, Conqueror of Sluts, to Big Daddy Bliz, Mass Impregnator. Genghis Dong, if you will.

Steve Sayors: Wow, that’s certainly something. How do you plan on managing your time between wrestling and… um… impregnating.

Aidan Collins: That’s a good question, Steve. Now that I’ve returned to wrestling full-time, I’m going to have to manage my time. While I can probably get away with not training since most of the XWF roster is scrub-tastic, it’s something I’m not willing to give up. I want to perform to the best of my own abilities, even if it won’t produce a tangible difference. Since I need to schedule sexing sessions, training sessions, and weed smoking sessions, I’ve hired the NFL’s scheduler to sort everything out for me. I even have a “bi week” where I’ll only have sex with bisexual females, two at a time.

Steve transitions to a new topic.

Steve Sayors: Now, this week you face Eli James. He, in his time here in the XWF, has quickly gained notoriety as being one of the fiercest in-ring competitors in sports entertainment today. Are you concerned about having any ring rust? You haven’t competed in a year and a half, wrestling wise.

Aidan Collins: It’s pretty safe to assume that I won’t be at full strength until I get my legs under me inside the ring. However, to spout some dumbass cliché, it’s like riding a bike. I’ve competed in absolute classics, matches that Eli James could only pray that he’ll be lucky enough to experience in the future. My natural instincts will take over and there will be absolutely nothing that Eli will be able to do once I’m in the ring. It’s my domain, mayne… It’s funny, HIS name is Eli but I’m basically Eli Manning in the clutch. We just perform, bro. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. When the going gets tough, Aidan Collins gets bro-ing. Hallelujah.

Aidan points at the gravestone below him.

Aidan Collins: MLK would know what I’m talking about.

Steve manages to read his next question off a card that lies on the floor in front of him.

Steve Sayors: This past week, Eli James lost his first match in a tough encounter with Mark Flynn. Do you think that will give you an advantage in your match this week?

Aidan Collins: It’s going to be a test of his integrity. A lot of people would give up in Eli’s position now that the aura of his invincibility has been completely demolished. He’s not some unbeatable beast. He’s just a man and a wrestler. Now, the dude is tough as nails physically but mentally we’ll see how strong he is. If he’s someone who actually is prepared for the long haul, he’ll use his loss as a motivation. It’s not like his career is completely ruined.

Sadly for him, it isn’t going to fucking matter. I hope he gives me his all so I can get the warm-up I need going forward. Kicking the shit out of someone who’s lost faith in themselves really won’t do much for my cardio. I want to face and beat Eli at his absolute best.

Steve Sayors: Aidan, do you think the XWF in the past was tougher to compete in? Do you think your experience there will help you in the current competitive environment?

Aidan Collins: My intentions here aren’t to start a war about what era of the XWF was the best. While many of the current XWF roster latch onto the identity of being part of a contemporary era, I don’t hold such burdens. I’m not a representative of the past, nor am I a representative of the present. In some ways, I represent the future of the company… but, in reality, I only seek to represent myself. I don’t want to be known as the best of the past or the best of the current, I want to be known as the best of all time. That desire will push me past Eli James and it will push me past anyone who has the audacity to get in my way. The XWF has to choose whether or not they’re going to embrace their new leader or whether they’d rather have the truth, that I’m the best wrestler in the world today, beaten into them.

Eli, while I don’t think you’re anywhere near talented enough to stop me from picking up a victory on Monday night, I respect your courage. You’re stepping into unknown territory and I doubt you’ll back down from me. I just hope that when I pin you in the middle of the ring, you will have the decency to start alerting the rest of the XWF that The King has come back and the Universal Title is the crown that I will make my mine. Serve a purpose and proclaim the truth… Aidan Collins is back and he plays for keeps.

Aidan winks at the camera.

Aidan Collins: Truth Until Death.

Steve Sayors: Well, you heard that here first, XWF fans. Eli James and Aidan Collins are going to tear the house down this Monday in Atlanta!

Aidan sighs.

Aidan Collins: I’m glad this shit is over. I have a fat nut to bust and I’m going to take Tiffany behind this rock and unleash a fucking gallon of mini-Aidans inside of her. With any success, she’ll be able to confirm that she’s pregnant by the end of the week!

Steve looks perplexed.

Steve Sayors: You’re going to sleep with that girl on top of MLK’s burial site!? Don’t you think that’s disrespectful?

Aidan seems taken back by the accusation.

Aidan Collins: Disrespectful, Steve? I’m going to do it, literally, as a tribute. What better way to honor one of the most important figures in American history than by impregnating a beautiful American woman near his ashes? Hopefully, his spirt mixes with my splooge and I birth some sort of Civil Rights’ Activist. Tiffany did a semester at community college as a Political Science major, you know, so she knows all about that shit. Honestly, I can’t think of a nicer thing to do here. As I make her orgasm, I’m sure MLK will be looking down from heaven with a bro fist extended!

Steve looks at Aidan, partly out of spite… but also with respect towards Aidan’s absolute alpha male behavior. Aidan really does not give a fuck.

Steve Sayors: Can… can I watch?

Aidan Collins: Steve, get the fuck out of here! And take Lascivious with you, I didn’t pay her 15 dollars to lick your butthole for nothing!

Steve hops off the gravestone and scampers away, taking Lascivious with him. Aidan jumps off the back of the gravestone and Tiffany walks behind to meet him.

Aidan Collins: I have a dream… that you’re at least 18. You’re 18, right?

Tiffany: I’m 17 but the age of consent in Georgia is 16.

Aidan Collins: Good enough for me! Schwing!

The camera fades as Aidan presumably starts to get his dick wet.