To borrow a line from one of the most profound movies of all time “Dumb and Dumber”, “Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be any dumber you go and do something like this…and totally redeem yourself.” That is what I would have liked to have said to Frodo Smackins after I punted him back down to reality in my last promo. You remember the one right? If not allow me to give you a quick recap in the form of some short sentence fragments:

Frodo Smacks is a loser much like Gilmour, except worse.

Frodo Smacks is God awful at picking teammates.

Frodo Smackins actually spent time railing against one of his own teammates instead of focusing on his opponents.

And what was Frodo’s response to these factual accusations?

To cut a promo where he spent the majority of it further ripping on Zoey Ryback and then in what I can only assume is an effort to sabotage his own team Frodo then went on to rip into Jasmine, also known by his actual wrestling name as Mastermind.

Just to recap at the beginning of the week Frodo was all about winning the trios with his handpicked partners and now after reality finally set in and he was able to see clearly who is in front of him he would rather talk about what his partners are not doing as opposed to what his opponents are doing. I can see now why Frodo struggles to win matches against anyone worth their weight in air.

But hey, at least Frodo made some effort to talk about the people that are going to embarrass him and his team, if you can even call it that. Isn’t that right Frodo? You tried talking about your opponents, and when I say tried I mean you said some words, some of which made sense, most of which did not.

First you offer congratulations but then you tell us that we will feel the wrath of your new found hatred. But not all of us. Just Sebastian and I because you would not want to hurt the pretty little face of your sometimes power bottom would you? No of course you would not. Lucky for Azrael the one who probably least needs you to go easy on him is the one you are too shy to raise a hand to you. I hope you know that Azrael will not show you the same kindness.

Just ask your friend Luca, one of the two guys who were supposedly your other choices for partners except for some reason you elected not to ask proven winners and instead asked someone who has yet to have an actual match and a person who wins as often as he loses. There we go, back to that whole “Frodo is terrible at picking partners” thing that I spoke about earlier. Seriously go ask Luca if Azrael has a problem beating down his friends and then see if your strategy of playing possum in the corner is a good idea.

What else did you have to say about me Frodo?

I am an obnoxious cunt? I certainly will not argue with you there. You are not a fan of me? Not sure how I will ever get over that stunning development but rest assured I shall. Attack me a little you say? No, fuck that you vertically challenged pole smoker, attack me a lot. In fact, I want to bear the full brunt of your hatred. All of it. This way when I systematically beat you down in front of your team mates and mine you will not have any excuses to use such as “I wasn’t giving my full effort.” Do you hear me Frodo? Bring it. All of it. As those fake tanned, spiky haired dago trash from the popular MTV show “Jersey Shore” liked to say, “Come at me bro.” Please. Please come at me. Allow me to be the one to put you down. The Black Circle is for pussies you say? Well that would explain why you tried so hard to become a member of the group.

Now how about we talk about Mastermind for a tick, after all he did spend a few seconds talking about me. You asked why did Azrael and Sebastian pick me to be a part of their trios team and the truth is I really do not have a good answer for you. Outside for the obvious of course, which is that I win. I win a lot. I win a lot more than most. And my trophy case has the hardware to prove it. Who knows, I may just cash in my briefcase during this tournament and take Morbid Angel’s recently acquired Universal Title from him. Universal Champion Enigma, has a nice ring to it? Na, another time perhaps. What do you think Mastermind? Am I being enigmatic enough for you? Try harder Mastermind, please, try harder, you are making this too easy. Though based on the words of your team captain I completely understand why.

Before I go I do want to speak on the latest line of garbage to come spewing out of the energizer mouth that is Peter Gilmour. Seriously Peter your mouth is the gift that keeps on giving. Please do me a favor though, please do your best to never again try and talk to me about logic, we know it is not something you are very good at, like wrestling for instance. Now I know I originally said I was not going to talk about you, and I meant that…at the time. But you see then you did exactly what I knew you would do, you responded to the few words, and let me repeat that, the few words I said about you. No Peter I did not go on and on about you. I said a few sentences if that and then moved on but I did so for one very specific reason. I wanted to give you something to respond to because we all know that the easiest way to get Peter off his game, outside of asking him to take part in a one on one wrestling match is to say some stuff about him.

Peter let me repeat what I said in my first promo about you, I did not say that when you talk I get fatigued, I said that talking about you gives me fatigue. Do you understand the difference? I honestly think you do not, otherwise you would not have said the following “and how you get fatigued of me speaking the TRUTH.” See I never said that, first because it is not accurate and second because you do not actually speak the truth. Sure you may believe the things you say but they are not actually truthful words you speak.

I am a joke you say? I won the X-treme title but because I did not hold it for very long that makes me a joke? Ok I’ll bite. You are right Peter. I lost the X title after four weeks when I was pinned by Mandi Rider after I had just won the United States title. Do you remember that happening Peter? She did not beat me one on one in a match to take my title, she pinned me after I had just won a gauntlet style match for the United States title because those are the rules of the game. The X title is to be defended twenty four seven. Unless of course you are Peter Gilmour and then you have matches where you refuse to defend your title. Speaking of jokes, does losing a three on one match in which you are a part of the team of three make you a joke or a legend? Which is it Peter? Because from where I am sitting up here on my perch you are the joke. Not me.

I would love to see you bring honor to the United States title as you claim you would do. Especially after seeing how quickly and easily you disgraced the X-treme title. I am glad you noticed that I have one of the twenty four seven briefcases that have been earned not given, I want you to understand the difference. You see earning something is what I did to acquire the twenty four seven briefcase. Being given something is what happened when you walked out of Leap of Faith as one half of the tag team champions thanks to your partner and the Black Circle. Do you see the difference? Again, I am assuming you do not.

You are right about a few things though Peter. I will not be cashing in on you guys in the trios event, I have no need to, I mean who cashes in on the team that loses the event? That sounds like something Barney Green might do, if he were ever motivated enough to get a briefcase. And you are also right, I will not be cashing in on you and your partner Dim. Though I will tell you right now I will be taking those belts from you, you can take that to the bank. That will be so easy to do that it is not worth the effort of cashing in the briefcase.

I would love to go through all of your matches one by one and talk about how little you have actually earned the title shots you got but sadly I do not have all day. So in closing to you I will say this, the only thing you have earned and rightfully so is your reputation as a sore loser and a bitch. And I am fairly certain that after the trios event is over and the team I am on walks out the champions and yours does not that we will see a little bit of your reputation first hand.

As for the other twelve people participating in this event, anytime you folks want to speak up and throw a few barbs my way go for it. Seriously, no need to be shy. Frodo’s promos should have been all the motivation you need to cut one of your own. Seriously, did you watch those promos? Any idiot can stand or sit or hop up and down in front of a camera and throw some words at the wall in hopes that maybe a few of them will stick. And if not, well then just change course and shit all over your own teammates, that seems to be the thing these crazy kids do these days right Frodo?