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**Vincent Lane** · **07-26-2014, 03:39 PM**

((As a scene opens up on camera, we hear the familiar disembodied voice of the man who is quickly, and unfortunately, becoming "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane's go-to favorite for on air discourse.))

Voice: So, I'm trying to have a quick lunch when I get a text message from new XWF talent and self-titled 'megastar' "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane. Well, two texts really. The first told me to meet him in someone else's dressing room bathroom, which is pretty terrible, and the second was just a picture of some naked blonde chick, which was actually kind of cool of him.

((The camera work gets shaky as our voice takes us up a flight of stairs and then into a hallway lined with dressing room doors.))

Voice: I guess it's a nice little peek behind the scenes for XWF fans who might be curious to what life is like on the road to various arenas across the country, but the last time someone asked me to meet them in a strange bathroom I woke up with a rash and a criminal record.

((After walking past a few doors, the camera view stops and a cell phone screen pops into the bottom of the view showing a very nude, very unconscious blonde splayed across the screen.))

Voice: Oops!

((A thumb swipes the image away, and the screen shows some blurred text.))

Voice: Ah, good, here we are, this is the right room.

((Turning to the left, a hand reaches out and pushes the door to the dressing room open. Inside is a sparse room with nothing much more than a bench, locker area and small dressing table.))

Voice: Mister Lane? I got your text, are you in here?

Loverboy: For sure, man. Come on in to the john.

Voice: Ugh.

((The camera then pans to right side of the room and through an open doorway into a tiled bathroom. Passing the shower stall and a pair of urinals filled with stagnant, yellow water, the camera finally stops in front of the sinks, looking into the oxidized mirrors behind them. We finally see the poor face behind the voice: a pudgy, balding guy in an XWF Crew t-shirt as he frowns in front of a row of toilet stalls scribbled with random graffiti.))

Voice: Where are you, Mister Lane?

((Suddenly, one of the stall doors in the mirror image swings open to reveal "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane, pants around his ankles and with a two month old Rolling Stone magazine barely concealing his nether regions, perched on top of the tank of the toilet inside with his sandal-clad feet tapping on top of the lid of the seat. As usual, a ridiculous grin is spread across his ruggedly handsome face. The camera view spins around suddenly to face him.))

Voice: Whoa! What the hell are you doing? And... JESUS, that smells terrible!

Loverboy: Yeah, man, me and the boys had Indian food last night. Curry tastes great but it gives me some pretty bad grease shits.

Voice: Oh, God...

Loverboy: But yeah, man, I was having a blast with the band and our roadies, Derrick the Pill Shovel and Itchy. You know them?

Voice: Itchy?

Loverboy: Yeah, he rescues all these stray cats all the time and gets scabies a lot.

Voice: That's... oh man...

Loverboy: So anyway, we're sitting around and having a good time burning through some of this sweet WWX signing bonus, and Derrick -

Voice: The... pill shovel?

Voice: YEAH! You DO know him!

Voice: NO! Not at all.

Loverboy: Well, if you want any knock-off Xanax, he's the guy to talk to. Anyway, we're relaxing and eating some curry and butter chicken, and they all start ribbing me about not having a match booked yet. They keep busting my chops about all these other new guys, like Aaron Reign and Socrates, getting more TV time than me. I'm like, yeah, of course they're on TV, they walked in the door and just started trash talking everyone!

Voice: Just a second... are you sure you're okay? That smell...

Loverboy: I know. I know. I'm good though, promise. Just a little mud butt.

Voice: I think I'm going to be sick...

Loverboy: Look, stay with me, I'm gonna keep it short.

((Loverboy's face momentarily twists into a grimace just as a loud splashing noise comes from beneath him.))

Loverboy: Aw, yeah, that's the big one. What I needed you here for was to document this challenge I'm laying down here. This isn't just a regular old upper decking of a toilet. This is a message, filled with Bengali herbs and spices. I don't know who's rooming with who in this arena, and I don't care. It can be anyone - Dawson, Leteri, Gilmour, Gator, Smackins... I don't care if it's the champ Morbid Angel himself. Whoever comes to use this can and flushes himself a tidal wave of Indian food shit can consider himself challenged. I'm here to make a statement.

Voice: With your ass?

Loverboy: Yeah. With my ass. Then my fists. Now get out of here, I gotta stand up and wipe, and I don't want to make you suicidally envious of my whammy bar.

Voice: You don't have to tell me twice...

((The camera view swings toward the door again and fades to black as Loverboy calls out in the background.))

Loverboy: Oh, dude, there's so much in here... this is going to be EPIC.

Socrates · **07-26-2014, 03:55 PM**

Hey, with half the poncey characters around here who just seem to piss around 24/7, trash-talking will soon end up bigger than the actual fighting, and with these five tips, you can guarantee at least 14 days of satisfaction, from your favourite XWF Superstar, Socrates!

1. Do not mock Socrates, he is your multiple-use get out of rape free card.

2. Do not insult Socrates, he has a large penis and it may not go down (your mouth) very well.

3. Use the term 'fuck you' to ease any tension you are feeling in your body.

Tips 4 & 5 cost $9.99 each, and are available for purchase at the XWF website.

~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · **07-26-2014, 09:14 PM**

"I'm engaged, I'm not rooming with anyone. Although, I do sometimes bump ass and cock with Azrael. And wanna start rooming with Zoey Ryback, and have played hide the sausage, or Snatch and tickle with Shelby Cobra. I also fucked Peter Gilmour once. Anyway, I'll fight you some day."

**Vincent Lane** · (08-01-2014)

The thing is, Socrates, that if there's one thing I know about Greeks... and there is, like, literally only one thing I know about Greeks outside of the movie 300, it's that they never, ever prevent things going into a man's anus.

Also, Socrates, you really missed out on the opportunity to have a finishing submission hold called "The Figure IV Hemlock."

**Vincent Lane** · **08-01-2014, 08:26 AM**

Sweetheart, you remind me of the kids in school who yank the pretty girls' pigtails to let them know they like them.

If you wanted to yank my pig tail so bad, baby, all you had to do was ask.

**08-01-2014, 05:05 PM**

"Shelby, I've been checking up on your matches. You keep losing like a bitch. You're not attractive, you're not intimidating to anyone, and the only time you got half a win was when your opponent was fired the day of your match. How the fuck do you get off trying to sound tough? Just shut the fuck up already. I don't have the best record, but yours makes me look undefeated."

Alex Richards · **08-01-2014, 05:16 PM**

I will still dive in that puss thou.

**08-01-2014, 05:31 PM**

"Go on. Use the go to insults for everyone who's beaten. Talk about how much more cock you get than I do. Because I'm not gay. Tell me how tough you, Miss I lost to the Mafia Men. Go on, tell me you're a bad ass, putting all the guys to shame. Tell us how good of a mechanic you are, when we all know you're less than an eighth the mechanic Griff's left nut is. Tell something impressive about you. A reason we should be afraid of you. Can't, can you? Cause you're not shit."

**Vincent Lane** · **08-01-2014, 05:35 PM**

It's a good thing I have professionals like Shelby to learn the art of promo cutting from.

Let's see, call someone a

, call someone a racial slur... got it. I'll be champ in no time!

**08-01-2014, 05:37 PM**

"I've got an idea, Loverboy. Let's have a match between you and her. She's so tough, she can take you. Tv title rules where she gets to be the champ, and you're challenger. I'll ref it. Keep it fair. Whatchu say?"

**Vincent Lane** · **08-01-2014, 05:40 PM**

I'm always willing to put my money where my mouth is. I don't really want to be anywhere near where Shelby's mouth is, but I'll definitely take her on is someone gives can assure me she's had all of her shots.

What are the TV Title rules?

~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · **08-01-2014, 05:41 PM**

(08-01-2014, 05:16 PM)Alex Richards Said: I will still dive in that puss thou.

"Had it. She's got skills. She's so good I had to keep myself from cunning like 6 times in 30 minutes. Man, thinking of Tim Curry from It really helps."

Alex Richards · **08-01-2014, 05:45 PM**

(08-01-2014, 05:41 PM)Frodo Smackins Said:
(08-01-2014, 05:16 PM)Alex Richards Said: I will still dive in that puss thou.

"Had it. She's got skills. She's so good I had to keep myself from cunning like 6 times in 30 minutes. Man, thinking of Tim Curry from It really helps."

Sounds like a ass I need to tap for sure.

**08-01-2014, 05:52 PM**

(08-01-2014, 05:40 PM)Loverboy813 Said: I'm always willing to put my money where my mouth is. I don't really want to be anywhere near where Shelby's mouth is, but I'll definitely take her on is someone gives can assure me she's had all of her shots.

What are the TV Title rules?

"TV Title rules are: 15 minute time limit, and challenger may only shoot one promo a day."

**Vincent Lane** · **08-01-2014, 05:54 PM**

Oh, ok, gotcha. Is there a TV Champion hiding somewhere?
or did Shelby's vagina actually swallow him?

**08-01-2014, 06:06 PM**

"Steve Davids is TV Champ. He took it from Santos. Her vagina swallowing him is too close to a win for her."

**Vincent Lane** · **08-01-2014, 06:10 PM**

Oh, that's right. My brain's a little foggy from all the sex, drugs and rock n' roll... plus, Davids is kinda forgettable in a "Ronny James Dio in Black Sabbath" kind of way.

**Vincent Lane** · **08-01-2014, 07:21 PM**

Check efukt.com, Shelby... I think you're on the main page.

**08-01-2014, 07:24 PM**

"See, Vinnie. I'm calling you Vinnie because we're friends now, that's the attitude of a skank that got beaten so badly her mind turned to that nasty mixture of Jizz, Lube, Blood, Shit, and regret that happens when you have unprotected anal sex with a whore. Remember that."

**Vincent Lane** · **08-01-2014, 07:32 PM**

Bro, I followed Motley Crue cross country in 2006 - I know exactly the mixture you're speaking of.

((air guitar))

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