((The lights come up to the interior of a messy motel room, clearly a cameraman testing his equipment. You can hear someone speaking into a microphone off screen, testing the audio as well. The scene is shaky and jerky as the techs move about, trying to find a good spot in the room.))

Voice: Test test… test test test…

((Donny, the drummer from Casanova, is walking around the small motel room picking up empty pizza boxes and liquor bottles. A half-naked redhead with a harelip is snoring on one of the twin beds.))

Voice: It’s like four in the afternoon. Should we wake her up? I don’t think she should be in the shot.

((Donny shakes the redhead and tries to rouse her, but she doesn’t react other than for her rather large breasts to jiggle around. Donny snickers like an eleven year old kid in the bra aisle of a K mart when he notices, and then puts his hands on her chest and shakes her harder.))

Donny: Hey! HEY! Wakey wakey, big white snakey…

((The girl rolls onto her side and starts to vomit onto the exposed mattress. Donny shoots a look to the camera and tosses a sheet over the girl, then fluffs a few pillows around the lump of her head. Finally, he pulls the comforter off of the floor and spreads it across the whole thing.))

Donny: Good as new, right guys? Chick said she wanted to rock like Janis Joplin last night, so we split a bottle of Beam and, like, half an eight ball. I made her call me Bobby McGee the whole time.

((Donny laughs and throws his hand up for a high five, but puts it back down after realizing no one is going to give him one.))

Donny: Well, look, get your gear set, I’m going to take a shit. Vinnie should be back from his meeting with that Madness GM any minute. He don’t do mornings too well, so I’m sure he won’t take all day.

((Donny slips out of the camera view. Only a moment later there’s a knock at the door.))

Donny: ((calling from the bathroom)) Dude, can you get that? I’m can’t pinch this bad boy.

((The camera wobbles as the tech behind it bumps into it while getting up and walking to the door. When he swings it open, a pizza guy is standing outside with five large boxes.))

Pizza Guy: Vinnie Lane? I got five large supremes here for ya. It’s 85.60.

Camera Tech: Whoa, no, I’m not… I didn’t order…

Pizza Guy: Fucking white trash prank calling sons of bitches…

((Just then, an older model Econoline van with a huge, airbrushed picture of three wolves howling at the moon on the side swerves in to the lot in front of the motel room door. An excited looking “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane pops out of the passenger’s side with a plastic bag sagging from the weight of three liquor bottles hanging from one hand and a large manila envelope in the other. Vinnie jogs up to the pizza guy.))

Loverboy: Dude, hey, hold up! I’m Vinnie Lane… I’m the newest FXW megastar, and I just got back from finalizing my deal with Ozzy McManus. He told me just go ahead and tell you to charge the pizzas and the room and everything to Paul Heyman, so, like, he’s gonna take care of everything, cool?

Pizza Guy: Oh, Heyman? Yeah, okay, cool, he always gets like three large just for himself whenever he’s in town – I have his card number.

Loverboy: ((takes the five pizzas and hands them to the camera tech)) Sweet man, alright, good times.

((The pizza guy stands at the door with an expectant look on his face, with a hand held out, obviously waiting for a tip.))

Loverboy: OH! Right, man, what am I thinking…

((Loverboy pats sets the bag of liquor down, pulling out the lengthy receipt and pats his jean pockets until he finds a black sharpie in one of them. He leans the receipt across the pizza guy’s chest and scrawls across it quickly, slapping it into the guy’s hand and pulling him in for a quick man-hug.))

Loverboy: That autograph is gonna get you a ton of pussy, man. Later, bro!

((Before the pizza delivery guy can protest, Loverboy struts into the motel room and slams the door shut behind him. He takes the pizza boxes from the camera tech, who shakes his head and walks back behind the camera, out of view. Loverboy grabs one of the liquor bottles from his bag on the floor, twists open the cap, and takes a long pull on it, then slaps open a pizza box and grabs a steaming slice before sitting on the corner of the bed and stuffing half of it in his mouth.))

Loverboy: ((through a mouthful of cheese and peppers)) Guys, cool, glad you got here in time. I just got back from signing my huge deal with FWX. Ozzy told me he sent a crew over to my place for a quick intro interview, you know, to talk about what I’m all about, what I plan to do, who I want to wrestle… you know, the regular stuff.

((Loverboy takes another long sip of his liquor and then burps loudly, smiling like a goon.))

Voice: Nice to meet you Vinnie, I’m just gonna ask you basic questions, we’ll have to edit this pretty heavily anyway so no worries, just speak your mind. Talk about your goals in XWF.

Loverboy: Dude, in WFX, I’m gunning for nothing less than championship gold. I’ve been in the wrestling business for long enough to know that you can’t sit on your ass and wait for titles to be handed to you, unless you’re related to someone. You’ve either got to screw or fight your way to the top of the mountain, brother. I get enough screwing from the hundreds of Loverboy groupies across every city, so I’m here to fight.

Voice: So you expect title shots right away?

Loverboy: No, man, listen, I know I’m the new guy, right? But I’m not the only new guy. I saw other rookies when I went to the arena to meet Ozzy McMahon. I know I have to stick out of that crowd first. Guys like Socrates, Scott Charlotte, Kyle Star, Dustin Clay… but I will. I’m way more than a ridiculously pretty face, man, I know how to kick ass.

Voice: What do you think of the current title picture?

Loverboy: I dig that Mike Flynn guy, that dude’s alright. It’s a shame I’ll have to whip him sometime soon, because I bet he would be cool to party with. Steve Davids, the new TV champ? I think he’s a decent midcard talent, but he’s never getting anywhere else in this business. As for the Universal title picture, I don’t really know Azrael and Morbid Angel too well yet. I’m going to be right there in that hunt soon enough though, buddy, believe you me.

Voice: So you’re going after Flynn?

Loverboy: Maybe, maybe not. Hell, me and him could make a kick ass tag team and go for those belts too. The point is, whoever it is I get my shot at, gold is gonna be around this sexy waist real soon.

Voice: Okay, moving on, are you going to be at Madness next week?

Loverboy: Hell yeah I’m gonna be there! I already booked a room – a WAY better room than this one, bro – up in Raleigh. I’m working out a deal for me, Donny and Alex to play live entrance music for the crowd, so they don’t have to just listen to all that “In This Moment” screamo BS. Hey, does that Brink chick really have AIDS? I don’t like condoms, man.

((The camera view nods up and down. Just then, Donny comes back from the bathroom spraying an aerosol can behind him.))

Loverboy: Donny Brooks, my drummer and best friend, man. Did you do the Joplin thing?

Donny: Yeah dude, she was so wasted.

Loverboy: Awesome, bro! I told her we would play Kurt and Courtney later! I just wanted to show the fans of the WWX what a real interview with a real megastar is supposed to look like, since they’re so used to seeing a bunch of garbage from so-called wrestlers who talk like 13 year old boys playing Call of Duty Online for the first time, just screaming nasty words as loud as they can with no meaning behind them, you know?

Donny: Yeah, for real, what’s up with that?

((Suddenly, the motel door pops open and Alex, the third member of the Casanova band, walks in with two young looking twins at his sides.))

Alex: Hey yo, Vinnie, these two chicks said Vinnie Lane answered their Craigslist ad and they were looking for our room?

Loverboy: Yeah dude, this is gonna be great. They’re sisters, bro! Izzy Mandarin gave me a cash signing bonus for my contract, and he even doubled it when he remembered my expenses were covered by Heyman. We’re rich, dude.

Alex: Awesome!

Loverboy: Hey guys, thanks for coming and all, but we probably need to turn the cameras off for now… you sticking around though, right?

((The camera nods again, quicker this time.))

Voice: NO. No, we’re not.

Loverboy: Bummer. Alright then, see you all Monday night in Raleigh!

((Fade out.))