^DOCA HVP's current theme




Camera opens up on the face of The Troll.

Camera pulls back and brings "Mr. Proxy" DOCA HVP into view, sitting at a silver metal table with The Troll. The room is brightly lit and behind the men on the wall are some poster sized photos of Mr. Proxy in action, performing hits on random people from before his time in the XWF and even a few shots of his recent XWF hits. There are shots of him making people drink gasoline straight from a pump, stabbing them, beating them with batons and other weapons, and even one where he's taking a flame thrower to a naked woman's breasts- with a huge smile on his face as he's doing it.

The posters go on and on, telling quite a story of a staggering amount of money that has been paid to Mr. Proxy over the years to carry out the dirty deeds of those who are either too busy to do the work themselves or just prefer the added effect of bringing in a professional to handle any given situation. People tend to think twice about going to war with someone who can hit you out of nowhere by proxy and be free of any strings tying it back to them if they so choose.

Mr. Proxy and The Troll both glance over many of those memorable shots before The Troll begins his address and steers this promo along:

The Troll, in his deep movie narration voice: As we draw closer to Mr. Proxy's second match in the XWF, the competition seems to be getting more and more confused about who and what DOCA HVP really even is. Good afternoon, XWF, my name is The Troll and I've taken the time out of my busy day to talk one on one with my client so you boys and girls can get a better understanding of this situation. You see, anywhere I look this week I see people getting confused about my client's name, my client's ability, my client's intentions, and knowing some of the people around here I wouldn't be surprised if they're getting confused about the size of his dick. I mean if the main page of this wrestling company's website often asks its visitors 'how big is Batista's dick' and Batista isn't even on the roster, then you can believe they're wondering about DOCA HVP Mr. Proxy's dick.

What happens when we focus solely on the three men who are slated to face my client in the ring tonight? What is it that they've been saying about my client? Well so far we've seen my client called "Dova" with a V, and we've seen his skills doubted and compared to that of a small girl.

"But what can you expect when the most outspoken member of the opposing team is an eggplant that learned how to speak?"

Are you sure about that? Has Khalif learned how to speak? Didn't you watch his last promo?

"Good point, Troll. I don't think he has gotten there just yet but he deserves credit for trying so hard to sound like he can use his mouth for something other than smoking a crack pipe. If you pay attention closely to his lingo, you start to notice patterns and can put the pieces together. So far I've been able to figure out that when he says 'chedda' he is trying to say 'cheddar' which in turn is supposed to reference cold hard cash. I did some research on this an it turns out a pretty good portion of the ghetto really does understand that term and they see no problem with using it in the year 2014."

Well that's good. At least the young brothers in the hood can understand him. Did you figure out anything else he has talked about lately?

"Well I figured out that when he says the number two, he really means the number three. Beyond that, I've got nothing. He's not really that full of interesting sayings to decipher and spends most of his time in the ghetto with his boys, raping women and stealing to support his crack habit. That's what Khalif is about, because he's an eggplant and that's what eggplants do."

True, but tell me about this number situation? When he says two he means three? What the hell?

"Yeah it's pretty strange but I caught him in his latest promo talking to me about how the only thing I've done in the XWF is beat, and I quote, 'two guys who can't even fight without being in a tag team match' and do you know what I say to that, Troll?"

Oh my lawdy, I can only imagine.

"No I was really asking, what can I say to that? I mean I had just gotten done explaining to him how I took down the Mafia Men in a situation where I only had one partner and the Mafia Men had a total of three.

Three.

And I even mentioned how that was the only match I've had so far. So I guess my brain kind of exploded when I heard Khalif talk about me beating two guys who can't fight unless they're in a tag match. Is he even talking about Mafia Men there? Or who? Plus if the match I won was a tag match and the guys I beat only know how to fight in tag matches, doesn't that mean Khalif is complimenting me on defeating them when they're at their best?"

I see your point there. It is a little bit confusing. Maybe he was high on methamphetamine and crack?

"But would that even be a legit excuse here? Do those drugs make you that stupid? I'm willing to bet I can do a ton of meth and crack and I'd still know how many Mafia Men I've beaten, and I'd still know that if I'm trying to insult somebody I should not tell them how they defeated another team while said team was at their best."

Sounds like Khalif was better off when he was just making up random stories about how you fight like a little girl.

"Yeah, ha ha, true. He actually was better off in his first promo when he was just making shit up off the top of his head. Now he tried bringing real logic into play and it turned into a situation like a toddler playing with a handgun they found in their daddy's drawer. Blam blam, nigga. Khalif just pulled the 'trigga' on himself."

Kind of like this?

And that was when The Troll pulled a hand gun out from under the table and started firing shots in random directions while Mr. Proxy dove out of the way and rolled to safety. The Troll starts shooting the gun at his own face when it becomes clear he's just shooting blanks. Ah, a true Khalif impression to the T.