Maria is sitting in her kitchen reading the newspaper when she notices that there were one hundred AIDs researchers in the Malaysian Aircraft when it went down. She took a sip from her coffee.

Billy, did you do this?

Oi, I did. I reached deep into my soul and pulled it down, to save you, Maria.

Save me? Save me from what?

Them. They were going to cure me, which would have taken me from your body. You would be just another fat musician who lost whatever looks you thought you had. Maria, you're a shit wrestler without me, and you're a shit singer. You need me, and they wanted to kill me off. I did it to keep us strong, now you must do something to keep us strong, as well. Strengthen your body, Maria.

How? How can I make us strong? What should I do?

Work out, Maria, work out and lose the fat. You're the physical body we share, stop taking your meds, work out, and together we can destroy this federation. Teach them the error of their ways for not signing me to the Heyman Alliance. Teach them for not putting me in power when they had the chance. I AM THE DESTROYER OF MEN! AND YOU ARE MY VESSEL!

I understand, Billy. I will get strong, I will make my body pure for you, I will inhabit the world of AIDs, and let it inhabit me. I will spread my seed to random men on the street, and I will help bring Ezekiel back to his full force. Together, I think we could be unstoppable. With the power of you, Billy, we could easily crush Paul Heyman. We will make this federation crumble. Because if Vader and Luke can rule the Galaxy we can do anything.

Um, that's not how it happened.

What? Yes it is, Vader makes the offer, then chops of Luke's hand, and then they kill Palpatine. They then rule over everyone and eat the Ewoks.

Have you even seen the movies? That's not how it happens. Vader makes the offer, after revealing who he is, and after Luke loses a hand. Luke jumps down an exhaust shaft, onto the Millennium Falcon, gets a robot hand, and goes back to Dagobah. When Yoda dies, he rushes off to help join his friends, and kill some shit. He faces Vader in the still being built Death Star orbiting the moon of Endor, and the pair battle. Vader then kills Palpatine and dies shortly after. He redeems himself.

Oh, when he redeems himself, that's when he brings balance to the force. I get it.

No, Vader did that in Episode Three when he brought the Jedi order to its knees. The prophecy claimed he'd bring balance to the Force, and the Force was always unbalanced as fuck. Did you seriously not pay attention in 3? They explained it all. Throughout time there was always 1 Sith Lord and his Apprentice, against an army of Jedi. Anakin made it 2 and 2. Then Luke cocked it all up. What a little bitch, typical spoiled kid. Has to go and shit on his daddy's hard work. I hated that fucker, when Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru died I laughed so hard.

Ok, but when Magneto took him to Hogwarts to destroy the Horcruxes, what was that supposed to be? I got lost there.

What the actual fuck? I am going to strangle you, you dirty cunt. Magneto is in Xmen, Horcruxes are from Harry Potter. Neither one has anything to do with Star Wars. Where do you get your facts? You ignorant bohunk slut.

Woah, no need to get offensive. I am not a hunky slut.

BOHUNK! Bohunk is a slur for Czechs. God, how did you manage to survive this long. No wonder you married Peter.

Billy, you're not a nice person. Why are we friends?

We're not. Now, I'm going to leave you. You go work out, get strong, and crush your foes. Crush them hard.

Maria got up and changed for her exercise regime. She went outside and began to do like three push ups. Three whole push ups. Then she tried to do a pull up, but her door frame broke. She's too fat for that shit, but she did set up a game of tug of war with the whole neighbourhood. She won that shit. Not just because she's strong, cause she's not that strong, she's just too fat to be pulled. It was actually pretty epic, you should watch it in slow mo. You can see the look of shame in her neighbour's faces. Not because they lost to her, no, because they live by her. None of her neighbours like her, cause she's fat and smelly. Plus, she watches XWF really loudly. Especially the matches involving black guys, and Kiwis. Then she masturbates using her 14 inch three speed dildo with Clit bunny. Fuck yeah. No, not really. That shit is gross.