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~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · (07-08-2014)

"Joey, I really don't get you. Really, what the fuck are you attempting to accomplish here? You're talking some really insane things. Like coming to my home expecting anything good can come from that. What research did you actually do on me? Especially the part about me fucking a black girl in Burger King a few days ago. Seriously, what? I don't get it, Joseph. I tell you what you need to do, and instead you ignore it 100%, and instead just go back and take what I accuse you of and throw it back on me, badly. That's the same plan Hank Lane had, and it ended up with people seeing he was a liar. And a pedophile. Are you a liar and a fat old lady panty sniffer? If you're different than Hank Lane then please, never again use his plan of attack again. It's only worked for you before because you didn't face an opponent quite like me. There's not many opponents quite like me.

I want to discuss some things with you, some things to help you stop sucking so very much. It's OK, not everyone can be good, but most people can improve. You, we're not sure if you can improve or not. We'll have to see. Let's discuss your claims of spotting me at BK. When? The other day you say. Was it when I was in Grayling, Michigan, which has a total of 1 Burger King, and a population of less than 2,000 people. Chances are, if you were in Grayling with me, I'd have known and drowned you in the Creek. Also, there's less than 100 black people in Grayling. Did you know that? So, the chances of you seeing that are extremely slim. Also, I tend to not sleep with things with Vaginas as of late. You've even less likely to see me doing that. My girlfriend, she has a penis. The last time I slept with a female was when I raped Iggy Azalea like 2 weeks ago. Yeah, I said I raped someone. Don't be surprised. She isn't the first person I've raped on camera, and I don't think she'll be the last. Add that to your list of things to try and discuss poorly. I can see it now in your next Promo, 'Frodo Smackins is a mass rapist. Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. Hide yoself. They raping errybody in the Frodo house.'

Yeah, my name is actually Smackins, not Swaggins. I'm not sure where you got I was Swaggins. Especially when you didn't know Charles, who uses the stage name Swagmire G. Swaggington Swaggins was my brother. How did you honestly get that confused with Frodo Smackins? Quick, what race am I? Am I black, or white? These things matter, Joey. I need to know you're actually sure which brother you're facing. Because you might be thinking you're supposed to be facing Swagmire. You are sure you're not facing him, correct? You are mentally sound enough to know who your opponent is, right? You're not going to tard out and attack a kid in the audience? Because that'd be horrible. Don't do that. Please. If you're not sound enough in the head to identify your opponent we don't need you in the ring. You could get us sued. Which would then cost the company money, which would trickle down to pay cuts. But the worst part is that we wouldn't be able to fire you, because of the ADA, and the EEOC, and if they tried there'd be another suit, and I'd lose more money. You'd be somehow considered a hero to the Tard Babies everywhere. We do not need people hero worshiping Joey Hawkins. I'm gonna call Giovanni when I finish recording this. Make him pull you out of the match if you can't pass a competency test. It's a simple one.

Anyway, you want to say your muscles are bigger than my face, and it means what? I'm sorry, you lost me there. You really did. Not only that, but I'm finding some hardcore issues here. You've mentioned your body, and size, in a very odd way. You're Five Feet Eleven inches tall, and two hundred fifty seven pounds. That's a lot of weight for that height, Joey. That's not good. Especially when you take your claims of muscles as big as a human head into consideration. Joey, either your fat and confused, or you're on Steroids. Which one is it, buddy? Because neither one should land you at the weight you claim to be. That puts in the obese category, deadly close to morbidly obese. Buddy, put the needles down and run. Run hard and fast, Joey. You need to lose a lot of weight. No wonder you can't keep up with me, you're close to double my weight. That's far from good, Joey. I'm seriously concerned for you and your heart at this point, fat boy.

Imagine that, the guy who smokes Meth, and Crack, does Coke, takes every pill he can find, and eats Fancy Feast is lecturing someone on their health. What a world we live in, Joey. When I have to be the voice of reason for you, and your body. It's a sad day for you, Hawkman. You're going to get beat by someone half your size, after you're getting your mind's ass kicked by a drug addict. I am on Crack Cocaine as I record this, and I'm somehow kicking your ass at wordplay. Imagine what I'd be doing if I was sober. Oh my god, I could cure AIDs if I was sober. Then Peter's wife wouldn't have to die. Good Golly Miss Molly. Joey, you've inspired me. I will sober up and cure Maria Brink's AIDs. Thank you, Joey. Maria will thank you, and I'm sure Peter would if he could stop sucking his own dick for five minutes. But the world will rejoice when I cure AIDs all because Joey Hawkins was too stupid to put down the Cheeseburger for five minutes.

Actually, this begs the question, fat boy. How do you Brogue kick someone? You're much too fat to get your legs up there. Do you just kind of fake it and hope no one notices? I will notice now. I'll be watching you try and do these maneuvers that someone of your size should never be able to pull off. And I will be ready with an AED when you have your heart attack. Just not like the Demi Lovato song, that song is too good to be connected to you. Stop trying to ruin pop culture with your shitty health problems. Go eat an apple. Or rather a Tomato, those things help speed up metabolism. That'll help you burn off all of that fat you've got. Go on, get that fat ass jiggling on an elliptical. Get your Tony Gazelle on. Jiggle them buns, big boy.

Oh, and speaking of size I have to ask this important question, where did you get that I'm a midget? I'm 5'6, which is 5 inches shorter than you. If I'm a Midget, what does that make you? You're definitely not a giant, only thing giant on you is your lower GI Tract. And maybe them poops you use to make crayons. Being as fat as you are, I bet you drop some massive poop crayons. Don't try and deflect your Poop Crayoning, and Panty Sniffing on me, I know you do it. We all know you do it. If you didn't you probably would be able to come up with a better answer than your, and Hank Lane's, patented 'no u' defense. You sick bastard, you.

But let's wrap this up, I'm going to win tomorrow night. Easily, you won't even be putting up a fight. You'll prolly have a heart attack on the way to the ring, and I'll have to giving you CPR in the ring. Don't worry, though Joey. I won't fist or rape you in the ring. Probably couldn't get passed your fat rolls anyway. By the Diaz, how do you masturbate? Do you just flip through your fat rolls like a telephone pole? Find the one that turns your fingers brown and go back a couple? Or is it only one roll between them? Honestly, I've never had taint fat so I'm not sure how it works. You should explain how your taint fat wins, everyone of the XWF fans wants to know about that. So do a lot of the wrestlers here. I am very certain NAZI wants to see pictures of your taint fat, High Definition ones. As many as you can get. He loves that shit. He's a Doctor, you know. Not a fake one like that dude from Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes, Jerry Cummings I think his name is. He claimed to be a doctor or something. Anyway, fuck off fatty. You're too fat to keep up with me. Peace out, nigga."

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Jerry Hawkins wishes he could be me so hard he's stealing my work and claiming it.
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