september,'13,Nazi Said:When you address me you can call me Nazi or you can call me sir. Nazi is what I go by as name of sorts but it is not my legal name, it's merely a acronym. But since you're both a negro and infected with homosexuality I assume you also can't read. You aren't intelligent enough to speak properly so why would you be able to read? So since you're an illiterate monkey pretending to be a human this means public files in the XWF, that would have stated things like that wouldn't have helped you.

You're a brain addled waste of space mixed with incompetence and impurity. You speak of me not being creative. I don't care what you think. I don't take the thoughts of those I find unfit to breathe the same oxygen as me into consideration. You aren't suitable to exist. You say you're pure. That's like looking down into the sewer and saying the sludge and shit floating around is good enough to drink. It's not and you aren't pure. You aren't strong. Your impurities make you weak. While I have no impurities. I'm a pure blooded and strong German. My hate and my long line of Aryan decent makes me pure. I am like a well refined machine and I won't fail in eliminating you because of how efficient and powerful I truly am. While you're no more than an ant or a flea by comparison. A spec that can easily be crushed beneath my boot.

But please think that somehow explaining you're bi-sexual makes a difference. That being a man who wants to look like a woman and acts like a woman but still goes for having sex with women, will change my opinion at all. Keep wasting your breath. It changes nothing about your fate and it still shows your mind is warped and therefor makes you unsuitable for survival.

raYne Said:The scene opens... to the Apollo. Yes, THAT 'Apollo'. THE Apollo. raYne is standing outside, trying to get in... his hair is straightened, he's wearing a pair of shredded jeans, a dark brown shirt with the 'Anarchy' symbol emblazoned across the front in white stitching... and he wears a spiked choker. As well as a pair of dirty black & white sneakers. He looks much less feminine this go 'round... playing toward his masculine side. He steps up to the bouncer...

"Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, YO! Wassup homie! Wassup G-Dawg?! Wassup mah NIGGA'?!"

At this, the bouncer's eyes become as wide as saucers, and he heaves raYne to the cement on his ass. "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, WHITE BOY!!!", screams the bouncer.

raYne is left in a crumpled heap. He looks slowly toward the camera... "Nazi-- does that prove anything to you? That I'm not exactly your typical 'negro'? Because I seriously hope it does... I don't wanna try heading into the near by Popeye's Chicken... those bastards have hot gravy... HOT GRAVY..."

After a few moments of introducing himself to the sidewalk, face to... gravel... he begins to pick himself back up to his feet. He dusts himself off, before shoving his hands into his pockets, and then begins trekking along the path. As he walks, he speaks, "Naz'... I honestly couldn't care LESS about what you WISH for me to call you. I'm calling you Naz'. One? Because I give everyone nicknames, dude. It's just who "iAm". And secondly...





"Soon... you will have a new name to refer to me as.
Victor.
And I don't mean Hugo."

... Keep Trollin', Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'...Keep Rolie Polie Olie Rollin'...
________________________________________________________

Promo Title:
Dead Fatty Walkin'
Promo Sub-Title: "Belie' Dat."
________________________________________________________

Next Event: LEAP OF PARM 06/21/14
____________________________________________

All kids outta the pool... it is now time for [adult swim] Adult Swim. Up next?
DeathLab 2021. Gonna be 'Phenom-enal'....get it? ....

(06-19-2014, 07:29 PM)Frodo Smackins Said: For the XTreme, it's either gonna be Flynn or Nazi. No shame to the other participants, but I think it'll be one of the two. And to be honest, I don't know why Hoff was added. I thought this was for past and current Champs only. I can't find raYne, Reeve, or Hoff in the XWF history page.

(06-19-2014, 02:00 PM)Mr. XWF / Dr. Validity Said: Guess I'll go with my buddy Jack Hoff! Maybe he has a big end of the week planned. He did great when I tagged with him so I know he has the skills to take this late in the game.

OOC: So it was written....so too, shall it come to pass. It's Showtime, folks.....
























JH:....Well. IRREGARDLESS!! Reeve might be try'na TAKE OVER my promo, but gat dam, the only thing takin' ANYTHING over 'round here is the PARM.WORLD.ORDER. Not Legion, THE LEGION OF HAM SAMMICH HEROES BITCHEZ!! ....muddafukka try'na take MY heat. Bitch-ass nigguh.... YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!! Nobody's takin' MY TIME, MY TIME TAH SHINE............that fucker scares me, but anyfuck, KEEP RICK ROLLIN', PARD-NAH!!






---jumpin-jack-flashbaxx---

Time: 6:66pm / Date: 6.9.14 / Locale: P.U., O.K.


Lights
+Camera
=Action.

~ ~ ~


Jack Hoff. A man of action.

Actions such as eating, sleeping, eating, and ripping people off. Along with eating. 'Specially Ham Sammiches. And blood.

But when it comes to cutting a promo....Better late than never? Naw.......It's called making an entrance.


He sat in his comfy, cozy, recliner, on his big, fat, nasty ass, watching 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo'. On 'The Learning Channel'. Srsly, what kind of fucking world are we living in? I mean, I don't wanna go off on a rant here, but didn't TLC used to have 'Pappy's Land' and shit you could actually show your kid to shut them up long enough to do your thang? EDUCATIONAL SHOWS, chachi. Like Sesame Street. Not 'Jersey Shore: Redneck Edition'. Real talk, yo. Dennis-Millah style.

Jack sat in the middle of the living room, in his fancy, schmancy double-wide trailer that he'd earned through six hard years of forcing idiots to compete in terrible wrestling matches in front of empty arenas for chicken feed. No, literally, he always maintained a strict budget when it came to running World Sports Entertainment as its Chairman of the Bored. The wrestlers get chicken feed for pay. He gets solid gold bars and filthy, dirty hookers. This man has always had a superior mind for the business. I.E., the workers are replaceable, so toss whatever scraps you can at 'em, and save the REAL loot to line your fat pockets. And also, keep the belt where it matters. Snug, right around yo' gat dam, blubber-encrusted waist. Truly 'one of the greatest minds in pro-wrasslin'. A real 'mad scientist' if I've ever seen one. A 'visionary', in every sense of the word. In other words I'm making fun of Paulie.

Jack rested his feet upon the glass surface of his coffee table, which never actually held an ounce of coffee. But what it did hold, day after day, was cans upon cans of cold, frosty beer. He grabbed one, lifted it to his lips, and poured it down his gullet. Finishing off the last drop, Jack crushed the can, and tossed it over his shoulder. He let out a sigh. And then a loud belch... before flippin' the tube. He'd had enough. And it was time for a change. He changed it to the XWF airwaves.

He did not like what he saw.


Reliable News Reporter: It has been said by a very reliable source in the industry that this is Mr. XWF's final week in the XWF. His match on Wednesday will indeed be his final match, and the promo that is about to be released sometime within the next 24 hours will be his farewell promo.

News Reporter Type Person: This news comes as a shock to many and brings much confusion. The self professed Boy With The Big Ol' Dick seemed to be back and ready to go with everything in his favor but an unforeseen circumstance has cut this unique superstar's career drastically short. If Mr. XWF's career was his cock, it just got circumcised way too far and accidentally cut his manhood clean off. We hope to have some kind of answers in that upcoming promo.

Fake-Ass Entertainment-Weekly-Style Bitch: In other super-important BREAKING NEWZZ type news-- A plane crashed earlier today, 150 miles west of Oklahomo City, with 132 passengers on-board. There were NO survivors. And now, on a more serious note, the 2016 presidential election is heating up -


"GAT DAMMIT!!"

What's the matter, Jack, the plane crash near your home bringin' ya down?

"....what, naw, fuck that. I don't know none them bitches, muh-fukka MUST be trippin'....."

....Okay.....The election then? I know you're pullin' for Hillary. Might just be her year. If all the other candidates die...Even Gore......

"No GATDAMMIT, I'm talkin' 'bout X LEAVIN' THE BY GAWD COMP'NY, NEVER TAH RETURN AGAIN!! An' you KNOW, as well as I do, you HAVE to belIeve, just like the inner-net, or a 'Storm' that says he's gunna have three roleplays in on time an' he's gonna startin' takin' care ah hisself, an' he's gonna change an' get his wings an' become a butterfly an' suck Sebastian's Skeletor Cock, YA GOT BELIE DAT BITCH CAKES!!

"So I JUST KNOW that he's gone fer good, an' we had the tag titles within our grasp!!....YES, it mighta just been in my mind an' then in the crappy fuckin' MSPaintJob, and YES, I never actually ASKED if X an' I could face Sweaty Petey, FroYo an' the boys at Leap of Faith.... and YES, he wanted Maddy instead, and YES I mighta took a dump in FroYo Fagginz gear bag, and YES......no, that's about it. BUT IRREGARDLESS, I knew he'd come 'round and we'd make a run fer them tag straps! BUT NOW THIS?!"





"I am gunna haffta make a lil ol' ringy-ding-ding phone call tah Louie. Put this shit in check....Ya know... fer six gat damn years, I been watchin' this world slowly collapse in on itself. Honey Fuckin' Boo Boo. The Shore. The Kardashians. Justin. FRACKIN'. Bieber. Petey Gilmo, FroHo Shagginz..... And now the SAVIOR AH THIS DUMP, Mr. ExxDubbyaEff....is LEAVIN' THE ExxDubbyaEff?! The world just ain't what it used to be. Not music, not movies, not tv, not WRASSLIN'... and I am sick to DEATH of it. This world... what it needs? Is a change."

Jack peers off to the side, at the camera. Eyes locked.

"...and I'm gonna give it one."










somethin' against frodo-here i am, rock you like a hurricane [maybe hoff......maybe have a move named that? also, he 'learns moves' as an arch, to build his arsenal, but it is through extensively playing WWE vidja games, sparring w/bob dole, and other completely moronic ideas........IN NEXT JACK RP, have space ghost interview him, letting that be the 'second coming', the reason he was referenced in the jericho parody. "SEE I TOLD YOU I WAS VERY IMPOTENT! important even." ............jack gets sick from eating old food, just like narrator done said......the precedin' 'nnouncement been paid fer by b.i.t.c.h.

--press conference. lou e. heyman is at the podium, he introduces jack, with four new nicknames--messiah of masturbation, fuhror of fat, the NEW Mr. XWF, the NEXT BEST THING....Jack Hoff!!
--jack is dressed all hollywood style. or at least for him, compared to a wifebeater and sweatpants. still wearin' flip flops, but FANCY flip flops.
--he declares that he will carry the mantle of mr. xwf, he will make him proud, and he will not let his death go avenged. lou reminds him x didn't die. IRREGARDLESS!!
--I AM THE SAVIOR OF THIS BAH GAWD CUMP'NY!! [reporter: who are you? i thought this was a david blaine magic show, dammit I'm in the WRONG building, sorry!]
--if he has to he will nail both ally-cat AND matthew with ham sammiches to the face, he will storm all over their asses!!...rp ends on 'rayne's grave, his hand shootin out [gif of shredder]


#2B.continued[/size]

--jack's reply to predictions: taker/rock mash || l.o.f. parody logo || link to taker rp as response to my match and mr.xwf's prediction....#YallThoughtYaWasntGonnaSeeMe? [quote rapper from rollin (dmx?)]... "ask and ye shall receive" | include puscifer/undertaker[outtaLine]




http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=12988

Reeve-- "Fuckin' Wit' Frodo" | Prepare for Parody....




(...The scene opens upon a graveyard. The same graveyard Frodo had been whisked away to in his confrontation with the entity that refers to itself as 'Reeve'.......)


http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=12887


(And there's a link cuz I know you're a lazy asshole.)












(A figure stands amongst the granite tombs and cold, deadened air of the cemetary. I didn't know air could be dead. Cold, yes, but I digress, this figure is NOT DDP, or Booker T, or JBL, or RVD, or Shane-o-mac, or Vinny-Mac, or Vinny-Ru, or Eric Bitch-off, or Eric Draven, or Raven, or Maven, or The 'Enigmatic Lack of Charisma' Enigma, or Louis de Pointe du Lac, or Jean Claudde Van Damme, or Rob Van Dam's cheap-ass knock-off mixed w/a Dollar Store CM Punk otherwise known as Sal Van Dam, or Jareth, or Gareth, or Ziggy Stardust, or-- )



















(.....or even The Man they Called Stung, NO IT IS NOT.......)















No.









(This figure is one that has grown very, very familiar, to those in the Realm of Xtreme unfortunately.)



















(......kinda. I mean, he's had a match. He IS in the semi-main event of the PPV, right? He's fucked Frodo, but I digress, HERE'S JACK!!)
























(Fresh outta the costume aisle at Hobby Lobby. Take it away, gack breath.)




Jack:
"I told you, boy. .....Not you specifically, cuz I haven't mentioned any names yet, but I'm sure y'all was in the vicinity. The flame comes for us all. The bell tolls, and every one of us must heed the call. Jus' like when The People's Cock gets a ring-ah-ding-ding-dong from a lovely lady, the DOCTAH WILL BE IN. Allll night long, you BETTA BELIEVE IT, DADDIO!! Y'see, there is a curse that falls upon the souls of all Mankind... as well as all Dude Love, and all Cactus Jack. This curse... this... immortal omen... shall extinguish the light at the end of the tunnel... The coldly cold blackity black Johnny Blackness, the Hell-fahr and Keystone Light shall envelope all that IS and all that ever WILL be... till the end of eternity. Or the end of this long-ass promo, whichever comes first.

"And that curse? That immortal omen....is known as Sweetie Petey Gilmour. And believe THIS, you cannot escape... the Parm. For if you TRY, muddafacko? If you think, for even one moment in the back of that MindMeld of yours (?), that you see an opening at the end of the tunnel? He will sit on your face. And the light will be extinguished, OH MY BROTHA, TESTIFFFFYYYY!!!..........Alas Poor FroHo, I knew him well..... poor, dear, sweet, simple, puny, worthless, weak, but still full of hope, FroHo Fagginz. Soon... his soul shall belong to the Dead Fatty Walkin'... Joining each and every one of those who have dared to cross paths with the UnderHoffer. Ally-Dog Calla-Gay. Mat Wart. That damned punk kid paperboy that kept tossin' them Sund'y papers right smack dab at my face like The People's Cock slappin' the taste outta FroHo's mouth AN' YOU BEST BELIEVE THAT HURTS LIKE A SUMMABITCH. FroHo even wrote about it in his feelings journal, but I digest." (And by this, Jack means he let one rip...Oh dear LORD, Jack, not on sacred ground!) "Hey, when ya gotta rip one, ya gotta rip one!! Hell, my farts smell like floral shampoo compared to some of the smells I've come across here... If you think Annie Thraxxalot's poon' was rank ABOVE ground, you should smell it when it's been underground for months on end, with ants and maggots hollowing it out and turning it into a condo!!!"

(Jack! Have some gat damned motherfuckin' respect you fat, foul-mouthed, sweaty, stupid, inbred asshole!!)

"HEY!! I AM THE GAT DAM AMERICAN FATASS, how 'bout I teach YOU a lesson in respect, boy, how 'bout y'all come intah MY yard, son?!"

(What lesson? How to job and how to smell like rotten eggs while doing so?)

"Hey..HEY! You... you... >:-( "

(Oooo, breakin' out the smilies I see! Now I'm DEFINITELY scared, I'm shiverin' over here, you're a regular 'Storm' Whacko-Jacko. And by that I mean I'd be scared to death if I wasn't too busy laughing my omnipotent ass off.)

"BY GAWD, Detached Narrator, you TOO WILL RESSSST......IN......PEACE. And soon, six other bodies shall lay amongst those whose time has come an' gone, like Petey Frickin' Paramore's hopes ah claimin' them tag team titles or any shred of dignity, IT WILL FADE AWAY WITH THE WINDS OF TIIIME!! Take the EX-Champeen, SIR Suck-a-lot hisself, Nesquik Andromeda Zordon Ignoramous, otherwise known as-- "




"You NAZZ-TTee azz HO!! JUST like FroYoHoHo an' a bottle ah cum, YOU ARE A DIRTY ROTTEN COMMIE--"

(Nazi...)

"Commie-Nazi? Well, hell, I'mma be Mc-MUDDAFUKKIN'-BAIN up in this BITCH, RAIN ON THAT SUMBITCH'S CASTLE WOLFENSTEIN, an' go FULL RAMBO ON DAT AZZ!! Bitch, this here 'MURICA, an' you will GO DOWN LIKE THE CLOWN YOU IS--"




"--in case ya missed the point, I'm tellin' ya Hitler was gay. Not tah mention a EMOFAG--"





[img]


"Ol' Emo Adolph, that's what they called 'im, he was EMO BEFORE IT WAS COOL, so not only was he a gay emo, he was a gay HIPSTER EMO. Choke on them chestnuts, Sir Slappy Happy Idenhaus. Which raises the question.... I said it many a time, I'mma wrasslin' fan, first and foreskin, an' I 'MEMBER when y'all ran down Ol' Sparkles RottenCorpse SunShine UnicornShit McButt-erFreakazoid fer bein' a FAGGIT. Well bitch this here's AH-MURICA. Not just A'MURICA, but THE 'MURICA, the ONE AN' ONLY STAR-SPANGLED, RED WHITE, BLACK AN' BLUE ASS-RAPIN' AH-MURICA I CUM TAH LOVE AN' ADORE MORE THAN MY UGLY ASS HO OF A WIFE!! And in this GAWD FORSAKEN LAND AH THE FREEKZ AN' HOME OF THE SLAVES, we have a lil ol' thing called FREEDUMB!! Freedom, even. Might not mean much to an American-Made Foreign Commie-Nazi such as yerself, but I will HAVE YOU KNOW, BOY, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW......I like the cut ah yer jib.

"That's right. I'mma hand it to ya, y'all put that My Little Brony, Raynebow Dash in his place, an' fer that I gotta tip my hat. Or hood. Or whatever I'm wearin' in that pic up there now, BUT LEMME TELL YA SOMETHIN' SUCKA, 'Mean' Nathan Okerlund. If'n y'all like No Hitter Hitler so much, I think maybe you'd go gay fer the guy. Am I right? Am I wrong? Y'all get the chance tah bring A Dolfin back tah life, I'm thinkin' you'd want up in that blowhole, but I could be wrong, I am 100% of the time, so there's a small chance."


Jack paused for a moment. He shook his head, and turned toward the vast row of stones that stood before him in the darkly dark darkness of the darkened cemetary. Which is dark cuz it's nightime.....one of the stones was clearly marked--'"The Jizz Storm", "Raynebow Brite", Sparkles McMuddaLuvvin Buttah-Free'

Jack Hoff: I've been sent on a quest by the one and only Chairman of Parm, The Leader of the pWo Revolution....A man by the name of Lou E. Heyman, the BETTER Heyman... He traveled through the dankest, deepest reaches of the oceans... he traveled upon beaten paths... he climbed treacherous mountains and stony cliffs. He journeyed into the stars, ventured into the deserts. He went to Wal-Mart, bought a bag ah bagels an' saved half-off for the Jack Hoff. He looked high... he looked low... He even looked somewhere in the middle, where all the mid-carders dwell in mid-card land, like The Enigmatic Lack of Charisma, over here lookin' like a Dollar Store knock-off ah GhostRider. He searched for one man... ANY man... that had the power to save this company from the TYRANY of Paulie, as well as the TRANNY of Dwarven Despair that is FroYo Fagginz. He looked for a man... and he found The HOFF. An' I ain't talkin' David.

Jack Hoff: The Hoff-A-Holics have had it up to here, listening to you run at the mouth about how you're on some sorta winning streak, even though the one and ONLY win you've picked up here in the good ol' ADoubleE is over some joker who I can't even seem to find on the roster page... Leading to me only one conclusion ; the guy never even existed! Which means, instead of never LOSING a match, buddy boy, as far as I can tell, you've never even WON a match! Heheheh... Brett Adams. Must be one ah dem imaginary characters, like the Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus, or the Tooth Fairy, or an emo kid who doesn't think the world revolves around him...ain't that the Truth...

[Jack halts his speech... turning an eye to the mound where 'raYne' rests. He chuckles softly....]

Jack: ....Believe me.....





"Have fun not bein' champ, gives ya more time tah listen t'yer wife bitch, an' TRUST ME SON.......That shit takes up a lotta time on the clock. Lot less time than bangin' in the sack, which if yer me an' been married fer twenty-two gat dam years to the hell banshee from hades that IS BRIDGETTE IGNACIOUS TABITHA CALLAWAY HOFF.....or B.I.T.C.H. fer short.... The less time ya gotta spend lookin' at them saggy orangutan tittiez an' crumpled up poonanny pie? Why, tah quote Good Ol' Paige Faulkenburg himself --"












"THAT AIN'T A BAD THING THAT'S A GOOD GAWD LOOKIT DDP LOOKIN' SEXY AS FUCK ALLOFTHESUDDENLY........shit. An' lookin' all emo.....guy sure as hell got better lookin' wit' age.....That's prob'ly the wrong picture....."







"...yup. That'd be the one. Color me disappointed....."





"You wanna bring the darkness? YOU DON'T KNOW DARKNESS, BOY!! I have walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Parm, plyin' my trade, workin' my craft, tryin' tah build a name for myself in this here bidness. I looked the devil in the eye, an' I pissed on his shoe!! Cuz I had a bladder infection, not cuz I was possessed by a demon like Linda Blair. Your fate is sealed upon 'The Crucifix of Destiny'. Starring Morgan Freeman, comin' soon to a theatre near you!!!! Now, I'mma get to you other cumguzzlers later, cuz i got an interview comin' up WIT A VERY RESPECTABLE MEMBER OF THE INNER NUT WRASSLIN' COMMUNE.....communit....committee.......cumdumpster.....Columbine? A well respected basement-dwellin' nerd, an' I WILL BE BACK. To quote McBain Schwarzenpheffer. But FER RIGHT GOOD GAWD DAMNED NOW.....I gotta meet up wit' Louie, Louie an' I gotta go. SEE Y'ALL ON THE FLIP FLOP, FUCKKNUCKLEZ!!!...........But Nutzzy, KNOW THIS. When the one and only Hoff meets you in the center of the circled-square? Son... you'll drop to that mat, back-first, and The UnderHoffer will cover you... 1, 2, 3... and you WILL -

"REST...

IN...

... CHEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!"[/align][/color]

[Jack slowly walks away from the grave... when from out of nowhere, thunder booms in the distance, lighting up the sky just as a flashlight lights a hollow cave. The camera zooms in to the gravestone, our view slowly creeping downward... before finally resting upon the message scrawled into the dirt... The picture of a ham sandwich, in front of what appears to be the image of a cross... and beneath this lies the message...]







--i like tah boogie-woogie at the hookie lookie low--





.......I have no fuckin' clue what that means.






[Jack is seen walking through Seattle, he looks like this--]






[--only with his face instead of Al Yankovic's. Use your imagination. He walks with his manager, Lou E. Heyman.]


Jack: You didn't give a man their just due.

Lou: Yes, I kinda did Jack.

Jack: You did not GIVE a man what was comin' tah him in the names of a wronged people!!

Lou: Yes I did, Jack. You were there, you saw me, you know I did--

Jack: No you did not!!

Lou: I did so!!

Jack: NUH-UH!!

[Lou stops and backhands Jack across the face. Which will probably be the first of many times such a scene is....well, seen, on XWF. I hear there's a line a mile-wide already, to rival even that of Raynebow Dash of once upon ago.....]

Lou: Jack, I TRIED to talk Paulie into getting you the show. I TRIED to talk to him about getting a crack at the tag titles alongside Mister XWF, or Dr. Validity, or Mr. Jeckyl, or whatever the devil that kid's goin' by these days. Paul just wouldn't go for it. Chalk it up to just ANOTHER reason I WILL see that rat bastard brother of mine BURIED ALIVE.......

Jack: That reminds me.....I hear Sebastian Duke's facin' Azrael in a buried alive match. I wonder if Paul'll be involved with that at all.

Lou: ......why would he?

Jack: I dunno. I thought, maybe if I kissed Dukey's ass, and told him he was THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, maybe Paul, maybe he'd give us the show.

Lou: ......Jack. What have I told you about the fourth wall.

Jack: .......................................oh......

Lou: Jack Michelle TANNER!! What have I told you?

Jack: ....that......that it's wrong tah break it....

Lou: Annnnnd?

Jack: ........and Sebby and Paulie are two entirely different people. Cuz Duke is actually a respectable champion, and, and.....

--cue sappy piano music. Jack looks at Lou w/puppy dog eyes--

Jack: ............and Paul's a fat rat bastard?



Lou:










A guy named Paul just happened to walk by. Hands on his hips, he looked quite upset by the remark.


















Jack: Well, if ya ask me, somethin's wrong wit' X. He don't seem the same if ya ask me, AND I THINK HE'S GONE.......An' I've come tah the conclusion that the REASON Mr. XWF is 'gone' is cuz RTX TOOK HIM! They are takin' over control ah ExxDubbyaEff, and what better way tah begin than the very tip tippity tip tippy top, MISTAH X W FUCKIN' F?

Lou: ......Jack, RTX isn't trying to take over XWF, they're just--

Jack: YES THEY ARE!

Lou: ...No, they're not, it's just that--

Jack: THEY ARE TOO!!

Lou: ...Jack, they aren'--

Jack: YES THEY ARE TOO, TIMES INFINITY TO THE THIRD DEGREE BLACK BELT, NO TAKESIEZ BACKSIEZ!!

Lou: That doesn't even... gawd dammit, Jack, THEY ARE NOT!

Jack: Are too, and Alexandra's secret MOLE, not the one on her face but she IS A MOLE, fer ArrTeeExx, that's why she hasn't shown up yet on the promo network! She's PLOTTING. That's what all good little evil witches do they plot and they SCHEME!!

Lou: Jack--

Jack: She's gatherin' intel, she's gettin' ready tah storm intah WarFare and take control in the name of Other Heyman, and BAH GAWD I WILL NOT STAND FER IT!!

Lou: Jack...

Jack: I took all I can stands and I cain't STANDS N'MORE!! That witch bitch is gonna come intah Wednesday Night Wafflez, wit' her flyin' monkies, monkeys even, an' her green-faced guards wit' them funny lookin' hats, an' she's gonna come in there an' drop a gat dam house on ALLLLLL OF XWF'S ROODY-POODY, JABRONIE BALOGNA CANDY CORN ASSES!

Lou: .......Jack, you've got the Wizard of Oz all mixed up, it isn't the witch that drops the--

Jack: I WILL DROP THE BIONIC HOFFSTER'S ELBOW ON ALL Y'ALL RTX MELEE-MOUTHED SORRY SUMBITCHEZ!! AND ALLLLLLLLL THE ROODIE-POO-POO-GAY PANSEXUALS IN THE 24/7 MUDDAFUKKIN' LEAP OF FAITH MATCH. I'mma get me that briefcase. I'MMA BE Mr. XWF 2.0, MONEY-IN-THE-BANK EDITION FOR WORKSTATIONS!!

Lou: ...Jack, firstly. You're not in the L.O.F. match. You win the 24/7 belt, hold onto it for a while, you'll get that shot, but more importantly... why are you staring directly at me and spitting in my face while you say that?

Jack: CUZ I AM CHALK FULL AH PISS AN' VINAIGRETTES [?] AND I AM GONNA UNLEASH HELL UPON PAULIE 'WANNA CRACKA ASS CRACKER' HEYMAN!!!! I'm gonna KILL NAZI AGAIN, just like I'mma do FroYo AND THAT BITCH ASS RAYNE GORDON. An' AlllllllTHEM-UVVA-SUKKKAAAAAZ in the BY GAWD MAIN EVENT OF LEAP OF PARM!!

Lou: .....it's not the main event.

Jack: YES IT--

Lou: IT IS NOT, NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP. Gawd damn, you're worse than Shane....

Jack: .....$hane-o-mac Anon?

Lou: .....nevermind.

Jack: I am GONNA OBLITERATE PAUL EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST GAT DAM THING I DO!!!

Jack: Which it probably will be before they slice muh fuckin' headin' off with a guillotine. ........ Till then, IT'S SHOWTIME FOLKS!!

Lou: Jack, you will NOT get your head chopped off. You might be banned temporarily and haffta promo via PM for a while, especially now that this promo's more than likely gonna be posted one SECOND before deadline.......Prayin' to our lord and savior for that 'Last RP of the week' marker.....Hope Foley has Good hearing, my prayers always seem to fall on deaf ear.....

Jack: Whadya mean, Louie?!

Lou: I mean the guy's got one ear, Jack, it's common knowledge.

Jack: NO NOT THAT YA BIG DUMMY. How can ya jus' stand there and say I ain't gonna git electro-mah-cuted, and have my balls chopped off, an' shot wit' a gat dam needle full ah who the fuck knows what. Who the fuck knows what kinda syringes Miranda MuddaFukkin' Tygress has lyin' around, the damn crack ho.










Jack: so seriously, homeslice, how can ya be so gat dam sure ah yerself? They did it tah 'The raYne Storm', they did it tah Nuttzy Naz, The Incredibly Shrinking FroYoHoHo an' a bottle ah cum, they did it to BY GAWD "The Senator" Eli Carter Fuckin' Williams "Cowboy" F.I.E.L.D.S James Brown Layfield the Four Hundred an' Seventy Second....comes from a long line ah E.C F'n W.C F.I.E.L.D.S. JBL's. His son's named Bobby. Wise decision, but anyfuck, THEY EVEN DID IT TAH SHANE 'THE INCREDIBLE COCK' , anything is possible Louie! ANYTHING!! An' that's how I know, without a shadow of a DOUBT, that Ally Cally is gunna march her curled up lil witchy-poo heels intah The TEXACO BY GAWD MEMORIAL STADIUM IN STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN TEXAS--

Lou: Ya know, I dunno WHY it took you so fuckin' long to cut a promo. You're certainly full of energy, plus a ton of ham, beer, and more than likely ecstasy from the looks of things...

Jack: --AN' SHE IS GUNNA TURN A BENEDETTE ARNOLD ON OL' EX DUB EF!!!!!!

Lou: .....Benedette?

Jack: Ya ever heard of a gal named Benedict?

Lou: Have you ever heard of a gal named Benedette born in the last fifty years?

Jack: .....good point....But iAm TELLIN' YA, she gonna be a turncoat, she gonna turn her coat intah a gawd damned snake wit' her magical mysteries, an' she gonna BITE EVERY LAST MUH FUCKER IN THIS COMP'NY IN THE ASS!!

Lou: She isn't.

Jack: She is!

Lou: She isn't.

Jack: Yes she by gawd is!

Lou: Jack, she isn't!

Jack: YES SHE GAT DAM IS, AN' DON'T YOU TRY ME SON, I CAN KEEP DOIN' THIS ALL DAMNED DAY!!

Lou: Jack, she ISN'T.

JAck: WABBIT SEASON!!

Lou: .....

Jack: SEE!! I know yer tricks, Louie!

Lou: Goddamit, Jack, just because you keep screaming SHE IS, doesn't change the fact that she isn't! She's not gonna waste her time on RTX, cuz that's a step back!!

Jack: A-HA! There ya go, y'all just proved it!

Lou: ...Proved WHAT?!

Jack: Yer prob'ly workin' fer them fer all's I know, you an' Paulie's prob'ly patched things up an' yer' plottin' tah take over the ExxDubbyaEff tah-gether!

Lou: Jack, that's the thing, THAT'S why I'm here, we're not the frickin' SAVIORS of this company you psychotic tub ah goo! I DESPISE THAT BASTARD BROTHER OF MINE WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!! All my life it's ALLLL been about Paulie this, Paulie that. Paulie the EXTRAORDINARY ATHLETE. Paulie's on the chess team, Paulie's on the cheer squad, oh didja see that beautiful baton twirling exhibition, THAT'S OUR BOY PAULIE! Well what about me, what about my dreams, my aspirations, MY LIFE..... WHAT ABOUT LOUIE?!





Life With Louie Armstrong: And that is WHY I've come here to manage you, so we can TEAR RTX TO RIBBONS JUST LIKE THAT FUCKIN' RIBBON PAULIE ALWAYS USED TAH TAUNT ME WITH! Before he won a gold star for most improved ribbon coordination and I learned he just had poor ribbon control..... I don't care about saving ANYONE, it's a hostile takeover you brain-dead imbecile! AND IT BEGINS at Leap of Faith Hill !!!!!!!!!!1a~.



!



Jack: ...........that's what you'd LIKE me tah think!!

Lou: .....you do not pay me enough for this shit.

Jack: I don't pay ya anything, Louie. I down tah only five thousand gold bricks, and fiddy millions ah dollarz, this a recession, an' I'm just a common man. Workin' hard, eatin' ham. Yip yip yip, YOU KNOW IT!!

Lou: .....I think you've got that mixed up as well....

Jack: Woo woo woo, WHAT IT DO!!

Lou: .....DAMMIT JACK......

Jack: Now we gotta HURRY UP TAH QUANTUM LEAP OF FAITH, cuz Ally-Car Hemmingsway an' PAUL LONDON ARE GONNA TAKE OVER--

Lou: JACK. Listen. For once. They're not taking control of the company. Ally hasn't even shown her face on the promo network in the past seventy-five months, practically, except tah kick a guy in the balls, and other random bullshit that somehow makes her an Alpha Male or whatever she called hisself. How's she gonna take over a company when he-she can't even win a match against Sammich Breath an' Helmet Head?! AND THAT'D BE A GREAT GAWD DAMNED NAME FOR THE TWO OF YOU YOKELS, BY THE WAY!!!


Jack and Lou have arrived at their destination. They have walked all the way from Seattle to Austin, Texas in about thirty minutes. Don't ask questions, this is XWF, where the impossible is possible. Even Barney Green comin' back from the dead, sittin' on everyone, and winning the Leap of Faith match it's XWF LOGIC IS RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW!!

Jack: I'M PISSED NOW!!

Lou: Jack--



Jack:







Lou: ....YOU'RE GOING DOWN THE WRONG HALLWAY YA GAWD DAMNED MORON!! But..... JACK, the show's ALMOST HERE!! DON'T---...Jack? DAMMIT JACK, YOU BETTER NOT--he left.

Lou: Gat dammit.






















http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=10137 -- Hunter. Exclusive Party


This IS-- Hunter Payne IS Hunter Payne IN 'HUNTER MO-FO-KIN PAYNESTORM!!!!!




















Reopen. Jack is seen being interviewed


















by Pikachu. And suddenly, The Hoffster's Totally Buff. Don't ask questions. This is a Hoffster promo. Just run w/it.


Jack: GAT DAMMIT!! Hunter Payne, I don't care if yer "retired", I want yer cotton-pickin', candy corn ass IN THE RING!! You talk about a BIG PARTY where ain't nobody here invited, well BUCKO, it mighta been FOUR GAWD DAMNED MONTHS AGO, but I don't see ONE word ah what happened!! It might be in one ah yer promos, one ah these shows' results. There's plum near fiddy good gawd damned shows a week in this here place, I ain't browsin' the tape collection tah find out fer myself. Ain't nobody got time fah that, CHICO!!

Pikachu: .....ey yo.

[Jack turns to Pikachu, his eye arched.]

Jack: I thought you Poke'Dudes was just s'posed tah say yer name an' that's it?


Pikachu: ...pika.....Pika-choooo!!

[Jack glares down Pikachu for a moment...he shakes his head, as if he's on a drug he didn't know he took, before turning his eyes back to the camera.]

Jack: Naz, you lost to Bobby. BOBBY. The guy don't even have a LAST NAME, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU MAN?! This is not the Nazi I know!!









Jack: THAT'S the nazi I know. He a homie-sexxy-whale, but ANYHELL, either you TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED AT THAT PARTY OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS IN A BY GAWD ZOO MATCH CUZ THAT'S WHERE YA BELONG!! Ya damn dirty ape, NOW THE HOFFSTER IS OUTIE FIVE THOUSAND I GOT A WORLD TITLE TAH WIN!!

Pika:..........You're Mr. Satellite?........gawd that guy changes looks a lot, he's almost worse than Mr. Gordon....

Jack: I DO WHAT I WANT, CUZ THAT'S HOW I RICK ROLL!!

Pikachu: THOU SHALT NOT MESS WITH THE MESSIAH OF MASTURBATION!!

[Jack once again glares down Pika.....before shoving him. And shouting.]

Jack: PIKACHU..........GET THE HAM SAMMICHES!!

[Pikachu smiles from pointed-ear to pointed-ear and screams--]

Pikachu: OH MY BROTHA'........TESTIFFFYYYYY~~!

Gump: And that's all I gotta say about that.

--end transmission--



OOC/ Bonus Footage --

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=6553

-- Hunter Payne. 'Let's Go To The Zoo'
Read it. You will not regret it. Believe me. \OOC





























"Come as you are, bring forth unto him.
Leave as you will be...or never again.
Believe in my name, the message I send.
The end is near... I am your end."
~ Kruzifix. 2003. One of the many faces
....Of a Man Named Reeve.


"I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black."
--k.Cobain
#RIPAnnie

[color]#RISE[/color]



|even through the darkest days|

|it's better to burn out than fade away|[/align]

the narrator Said:"He's fucked Frodo."

I am: #iLLUMINATED