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September 17th, 2009
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THIS JUST IN : Sources report, in response to DREAM's approaching brand draft, top competitor 'World Sports Entertainment' (Get the "WRESTLING" Out!) will ALSO be holding a brand draft... and will not be splitting the roster into two shows... but SEVEN! Chairman Hoff had this to say ;

"Indeed, a brand draft is a unique and novel approach in professional amateur fake-ass e-sports entertainment wrasslin' that SURELY hasn't been done to death in over fifty hundred different e-feds since Vinny Mack and the boys did it back in '02... Surely. Anyhell, we're putting an even BIGGER spin on the concept, in that, we're not going to do the exact same shit that nearly every single e-fed under the sun has done [i.e. - a brand draft] . We are... get this... we are going to split our one show, Nitro... into SEVEN different programs! That IS correct! We will be the first EVER company to have a program on EVERY single night of the week! Saturation at its finest, baby!"

The programs' titles, their distinctive hosting channels, as well as various descriptions and certain "general managers" have already been decided. Below are the details ;

- Title : Nitro ... GM : Jack Hoff ... Channel : Disney ... Description : Franchise program, ran by the original WSE Chairman, and first EVER WSE Heavyweight Champion... Jack Hoff. Provides the "entertainment" side of the 'WSE' coin...

- Title : Thunder ... GM : Eric "Vinny" E. Kennnedy Bischoff Russo-McHeyman ... Channel : Weather ... Description : Easy-EVEKBRMH's show, which he is using to compete with rival Jack Hoff for dominance of WSE. Tries to provide the "sport" side of the 'WSE' coin... but is a little "hit and miss". More miss than hit...

- Title : SmackRaw ... GM : Guest every week ... Channel : The Food Network ... Description : Will be hosted by a different, quasi-"famous" person each and every week, who will hold complete and total control of the roster, matches, and all other various whatnots.Jack already has Screech to host the debut. Should be a really big shoooe...or not.

- Title : StupidStars ... GM : None ... Channel : Animal Planet ... Description : Takes the three rosters from Nitro, Thunder, and SmackRaw, and puts them together to make a crappy, third rate c-show that virtually nobody watches... which is pretty much like any other WSE show, except it's on Animal Planet, so naturally, even FEWER people will watch. So... fewer than none, would probably be like... negative one hundred? Sounds about right...

- Title : WSE Survivor ... Host : Tad "The Tool" Griswold ... Channel : FOX ... Description : Basically a combination of every single reality show you can think of... only with the WSE Stupid Stars replacing a bunch of vapid tools with no realistic personality. So... not much of a difference there...

- Title : Xtrmkor TV ... Commentators : "Good ol'" Slobbert Knockovich & The Narrator ... Channel : The Home Shopping Network ... Description : Hosts hour long battles throughout DisneyWorldLand to determine the weekly Thunder WeatherWeight Title Challenger. Will also be littered with in-program advertising for WSE products and merchandise... hence the show being on HSN.

- Title : The Main Event New World D-Evolution Mafia Order X presents We Win Everything ... GM : Jack Hoff ... Channel : [adult swim] ... Hosts the MENWDEMOX beating up on a buncha random jobbers.

And of course, the brand split will occur at the LOADED, Extraordinarily Awesome, Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious, Five-Hour Disney Debut of NITRO!!! Yes, FIVE, count 'em, FIVE hours, chock o' block full of excitement, adventure, action, and chocolatey goodness!

Each hour will be hosted from a different locale in Disney World Land, and will be hosted by a different guest gm, just like the upcoming "SmackRaw" program.

And, it will play host to the Brand Draft that shall determine which Stupid Stars compete on which show (Nitro, Thunder, or SmackRaw... all other shows being available to all members... except for 'W.W.E.', which pretty much is only open to MENWDEMOX, and the jobbers whose asses they will kick)

In addition, this Disney Debut of Nitro will feature ;

- Title matches to determine the champions for Nitro, Thunder, and SmackRaw~!!!

- The final non-WWE match of "Soon-To-Be WWE SuperStar" 'American Drug Lord', Daniel Bryan Danielson, when he teams with a billy goat, a muffin, and two big fat, cheese nosed, dummy heads by the name ah Claudine O'Casto-Snuffleupagus and Nigel McSchnapps. And they will be taking on the MENWDEMOX team of "BarelyGood" Hulko Gunn, "The Man They Called" Stung, "King Sucka" MuddaFukka T, SuperSizedSchnozzola and Pro-Wrestling's ONLY Olympic Shuffleboard Gold Medalist, Wright Angle .... in the first EVER "Bored Games" match-up~!!!

- A 'Buried Alive' match between UnderTaker and Brock Lesnar!! Let's face it, we ALREADY KNOW who's gonna win, right, Taker only comes out of the coffin for one or two matches a year, this one's a no-brainer folks!! Rest in Peace, Big Brocky L!!








- And in the main, MOTHER FUCKIN' event... Current Nitro Heavyweight Champ, "Drunk Ass" Austin Stevens, takes on former WSE Champ, former Glass Ceiling Gang leader, current leader of the Main Event New World D-Evolution Mafia Order X, and current HollyWood CHAMPION... The HollyRock~!!!!!1a It'll be a ladder match, with the Nitro Title suspended high above the ring, and the first man to reach up and grab the belt before the other will walk away as the undisputed CHAMPEEN O' DA BY GAWD WURLLLL~!!!....sorry folks, I transmogrified into Good Ol' Boom Boom Quaker for a moment. Or was it Slobbert Knockovich. Or Ben Joss.....we've had so many JR rip-offs through the years, it's hard to tell...

- Plus ; HANNAH MONTANA IN CONCERT!!! MILEY CYRUS IN CONCERT!!! BILLY RAY CYRUS NOT IN CONCERT, THANK GOD!!! RAVEN SYMONE SINGS THE SOVIET NATIONAL ANTHEM!!! AND IN A SPECIAL FEATURE BONUS ATTRACTION, ZACK AND CODY TAKE ON THE DUDLEY BOYZ, THE HARDY BOYZ, THE NEW AGE OUTLAWZ, THE OUTSIDERZ, THE LEGION OF DOOM, DEMOLITION, THE BUSHWACKERZ, HARLEM HEAT, THE STEINER BROTHERZ, THE HART FOUNDATION, THE HART DYNASTY, LEGACY, CRYME TYME, BEER MONEY INC. , THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNNNZZZ, EDGE AND CHRISTIAN IN THE FIRST EVER 32 ON 2 HANDICAP TAG TEAM TABLE ELIMINATION STYLE PROFESSIONAL SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT WRESTLING MATCH-UP CONTEST BOUT RING-WAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE...

... OF DOOM!! ~~!!!!!1a2

All things considered, this one oughta be a damn sure barn burner folks!!!....I really need to cut-down on the Barbecue Saush..... All of THE biggest stars in the game will be there to not only welcome Nitro to the Disney Channel, but to kick off the beginning of a whole new era in World Sports Entertainment~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Specifically, a "brand split" era, which, just like the MILLIONS of other feds that have tried... it probably won't turn out so hot. But hey, I'm SURE this time will be different... right?

...

Oh, and don't forget! Coming soon to WSE ;

- The e-Sports Entertainment Triple Variety Power Hour Internet Radio Show!!!

- A Ning-based World Sports Entertainment Fan Community!

- Some sorta crappy Twitter type thing-a-ma-bob!

- A GeoCities site! What's more reliable than a webhost that's been around for ten years?! ... Maybe one that's still around NOW, but...

- Smelly Underwear Gnomes!

Twenty Ten : New Year, Same Old Shit!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


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[The camera opens to a kitchen, where former WSE commentator, Good ol' Boom Boom Quaker, aka BBQ, is standing behind a counter, holding a bottle of barbecue sauce... Black cowboy hat resting proudly upon his head.]

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[BBQ looks at the bottle of BBQ sauce... before opening it, and chugging it like beer. ... He then slams the bottle down, and wipes his mouth clean of bat feces.]

BBQ: *belch* Ahh... good shit. Literally.

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