Where we left of last time…


“Theo, say something.”

“Ok.”

“Something other than what you’ve been saying for the last 20 minutes.”

“I need a drink.”

“Now you don’t. Sit here talk to me. What’s going through your head right now?”

“You really don’t want to know that.”

“See, this is why I hesitated to say anything, I was afraid you would react like this.”

“React like what? I haven’t really reacted at all. I’m not sure how to react. I’m not mad, I’m not upset or anything like that. I’m just…”

“You’re just what?”

“Scared. Uncertain. Worried.”

“Scared about being a parent? I think that’s normal. All new parents feel that way. Anyone who tells you they are ready to be a parent doesn’t have any kids of their own.”

“So you are keeping it?”

“What? How could you ask me that?” She screams, her face immediately turning red. Lila gets up from the couch and starts pacing around in front of me.

“What? It’s a question, you never know. You just graduated college; you have your whole life in front of you. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to throw all of that away.”

“So having a child is throwing your life away?”

“I don’t know? No? Maybe? Look this is why I just sat there and said nothing because as soon as I started saying anything of substance you immediately jump on me like I just dropped a kid out a 50th story window.”

“Yes I am keeping this baby, our baby. If you don’t want any part of its life, well, that upsets me greatly but I can understand. And you won’t have to support either of us financially. That’s not what this is about.”

“Hold on now. Why are you jumping to conclusions? I never said I didn’t want to be part of this child’s life. All I did was ask if you were going to have the baby? It was a fair question, I thought.”

“I’m having this child and I am going to raise it, with, or without you.”

“With me. Obviously.”

“It’s not so obvious from where I’m standing.”

“I can understand that, I know my reaction wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement but believe me, this isn’t about you or the baby, this is 100 percent about me.”

“What about you? What’s the problem?”

“My father was a narcissistic asshole who put his business before his family. It made his wife resentful and me, I felt like no matter what I said or did that it wasn’t good enough for him. So I learned at a very young age the lesson that in this world the only person looking out for you is you. Those are lessons and feelings I don’t want my child to ever have to deal with.”

“You are not your father.”

“You never met my father.”

“That is true but I can’t imagine you putting your business before your family, or really anything for that matter.”


She has a point. Enough of one that it helps to immediately lighten the mood.


“Touché.”

“See, things are already looking up.”

“You’re right, I won’t make the same mistake my father did but I am a narcissistic asshole just like he was. In fact there are times when I think I am actually worse than he was.”

“I doubt that. And even if you are, there is a huge difference between you and him.”

“And what is that?”

“Me. He didn’t have me. Look, I’ve never met your mother either but from what you tell me she seemed to accept that she was never going to be the focal point of your father’s life and so she went and did her own thing, which left you to fend for yourself. That won’t happen here. I promise you that.”


Lila gets down on her knees in front of me, wraps her arms around my waist and gives me the most comforting hug I’ve ever received. I never wanted or expected to be the kind of person that would need someone else in my life and yet in the few short months since Lila and I met she has helped me realize that everything I ever thought about who and what I am was wrong. Lila makes me a better person, she makes me so much more than I ever thought possible. And now having a child with her changes everything. But for the better, I truly believe that; even if I don’t know how to articulate it.


“So what do we do now? Do we start registering at Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby? “

“Well let’s wait a little while it’s still extremely early in the process. I have an appointment with the Doctor tomorrow for an ultra sound. “

“What time? I would like to come with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. I think it would set a bad precedent if I was absent for something like this. First it’s this then its parent teach conferences then it’s a school play and then who knows from there.”

“I think you are being awfully critical of yourself, or what you perceive yourself to be. You will be an excellent father to our baby. There is nothing I am more certain of than that.”

“How can you be so confident?”

“Because I can see in your eyes how afraid you are of failing. And nothing is a better motivator than the fear of failure.”


When she’s right she’s right. And Lila, she’s always right. But don’t tell her that.


“Ok. I can do this.”

“We can do this.”

“Yes. Absolutely. So now, for the elephant in the room, have you told your father yet?”

“No I have not. You were the first person I told. And I don’t plan on telling anyone else, including my father until we are a little further along in the process.”

“Is that a standard thing? Waiting I mean.”

“Yes, most people wait a little bit. If I did my math right I am 5 weeks pregnant, so I’d like to wait another month, maybe a month and a half and then we can start telling people. My parents being the first people we share the news with.”

“Works for me. Will you want me there?”

“Yes I would. I think it would be best for everyone involved if you were there.”

“Ok. I can do that. Wait…wait a second…I just remembered…what about that drink you had other night? Is that bad? Is our kid going to come out looking like Sloth now because you had a drink? What are we going to say “Sorry for your luck pal but Mommy had a double dose of whiskey one night and, well now your face is more fucked up than Snooki’s?” I can’t handle that.”

“Calm down Theo, its ok. A drink here or there won’t hurt a baby. As long as I’m not binge drinking everything should be fine.”

“Can I drink?”

“What?”

“I mean, if I drink in front of you now that you can’t have a drink, is that rude?”

“It’s fine. However that white stuff you’ve been putting up your nose that has to stop, immediately.”

“All of it? I can’t just have a little, you know as reward for good behavior.”

“No Theo, you could kill yourself. Is that what you want, to leave me and this baby of ours alone with nothing?”

“Luca’s going to be so upset. Shit that’s another thing, I need to have a Will put together. I can’t leave everything to Erica and Nathaniel. Not now. Fuck, who do I even talk to about that?”

“A lawyer I presume. How do you not know that?”

“Well I had always planned to live forever so a Will just seemed like a waste of time and paper.”

“Well the Will can wait for now, we have some other things to do first.”

“Like what?”

“Like celebrate. Let’s go get something to eat, I’m starving.”

“Oh yeah I’ve read about that. Have you had any weird cravings yet? I know Erica would eat whole bags of barbeque potato chips. And not just the small bags you put in a kids lunch, I’m talking about the big bags you buy for parties and stuff.”

“I have not had any weird cravings yet but I’m sure it will happen at some point.”

“And you can’t easy sushi anymore, on account of the mercury.”

“Any other useful tips you have for me?”

“Limit your caffeine intake to basically none and drink as much water as possible. Wow. Who knew Erica getting pregnant would be so helpful.”

“Yeah, who knew? Come on, my stomach is eating itself right now I’m so hungry.”


I picked up my coat, took Lila’s hand and proceeded to my private elevator; I guess the building cafeteria would be a bit low class for an event such as this. I guess I’ll have to find something more suitable to ring in the occasion.