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#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (06-04-2014)

Hey! What does the entirety of the opposing team have in common?

Last time I've faced off against all of them, I've won. Not only that, but I've pinned all of them the last time I faced off with each and every member of the team standing in the way of my own achieving the Trios Titles. So, Azrael can go off all he likes about how he's beaten me twice if he so chooses, but all that'll prove is that he's gotten worse with age. Maybe those thousands of years are finally catching up to you ol' buddy. Maybe, your real alien self just ain't up to par with your disguises and fake identities. How fucking sad is that, anyway? Even with two literal masks and a full body suit on, you couldn't stomp me with ease, hell you couldn't even beat me so now that I have nothing hindering me how the fuck do you expect to pull off something you may have already proved impossible for someone of your otherworldly persuasion? Huh? Answer that one Spaceman. It's not like that match was a hundred years ago; it was a couple months. Yeah, I'm being arrogant about it because that's what I do.

I feel the need to say that in case you try and give me one of your expert psychiatric evaluations. Again.

But shit, you're right about something. There's gonna be no bad blood after this because there never is. I'm not gonna sit here and lie and say that I'm going to kick your ass because I hate you.

I'm gonna kick your ass because that's what I do. I kick people's asses and snatch the titles that were thrust into their laps because the Trios Titles as of late have become a game of hot potato. Getting rewarded for doing nothing. Dammit, that's the shit I love. That's the shit that gets my fucking dick hard; screwing over people who actually work hard and probably deserve whatever it is more than me but can't actually earn it to save their fucking lives just to see if they cry. Be it victories, titles, parking spots, girlfriends, their sister's virginity. I don't care. Yet now you get to have all the fun I'd be having. I think I'm going to cry about it like you did when Theo pulled the most basic of all-- I wouldn't even say wrestling promo related but just the fuckin' simplest of all internet troll behavior by making shit up. Wow Azrael, did that fuckin' feminine body come with a quivering vagina too?

Are you on your fucking period or something? Should I watch my mouth before I say something that hurts your feelings and you claim that "we're done" too? Like we were having a lover's quarrel?

Fuck man, did you go soft or what? Seriously, all it takes for you to curl up in a ball and start throwing out ridiculous threats is someone hiring someone else to imitate your daughter? Shit man, now I gotta test this theory!

Static.

"Hi. I'm Lila Erebus."

"And I'm Luca Arzegotti. Now Lila, you are Azrael's father, right?"

"Well, yeah! Of course I am, duhhhhh. Who else would I be with the last name Erebus? A deformed raptor with a permanent limp because it only has one good leg?"

"Yeah. Anyway, what do you think of your father?"

"He's a massive

who's totally jelly of your team and the fact that Mark Flynn is in what he feels should be his spot. I told him to stop being a little bitch but he just wouldn't listen. It's frustrating when your dad claims to be some kind of super macho alien badass who's so far above humans, he sees them like they were ants but when someone hurts his feelings, he acts like Alexandra Callaway or something."

"Thank you for your time, Lila."

"No, thank you for letting me air my grievances."

Static.

See how fucking stupid you look getting so butthurt over that? Christ sake man, you're throwing down the "you're gonna have to kill me" thing like some generic, cookie cutter motherfucker. What's next, are you the most hardcore too? Sorry, where the fuck did my friend from the furthermost reaches of space (that isn't real) go and when did he get replaced by a bleeding cunt? The second he decided to interject himself in this title match? Hell, I have some jokes to make about his boisterous claim that we won't walk out the trios champs.

When was the last time Azrael won a match where the Trios titles where actually on the line? Never. Not a single one for the two he's been in. And this is his second time filling in as champion even! He lost to the team of Poppa Feder (who I swear is actually younger than the real Feder we got running around these days), Unknown Soldier (who I beat), and Peter Gilmour (the man I made my personal punching bag long before everyone else decided to cramp my style). Then as if that wasn't enough, he took ESP's place and led his team of flaming homosexuals right into the ground.

I say flaming homosexuals, because as we've already concluded, the real Azrael is probably still out there as Mr. Supernova and this version is a woman which explains the whiny butthurtness and said woman is dating another woman, thus making her a fucking dyke. Simple math really.

How many matches for the Trios Titles have I won?

Zero too.

For lack of trying. This is my first, and I'm facing two failures to grasp the belts already. This should be a fucking cakewalk, all things considered.

So no, your plans on holding those belts to spite Theo won't come to fruition because I'm not going to let it. Just to spite you. Hell, I'll get in the ring and pin Dimallisher again just to make sure you aren't even involved in the ending. I'll tag in every time you do so you never get your hands on Theo.

Because fucking people over is my domain and when you're on my domain, the best course of action is to tread lightly.

Cunt.

But again, little Azrael is right. There are no hard feelings to be felt between us. Not even when I'm ripping his pesky alien emotions to shreds and announcing my plans to fuck with his plans for the sole purpose of making him look even further like an idiot than he already did for trying to convince the world at large that space is real. Because we're friends. Friendly friend friends who do friend stuff together that in no way is even in the slightest bit gay. At all. He's a dyke anyway so even if we did anything that could be considered gay at all, it's all cool because he's busy grinding for the pussy that bleeds a little less than his/her's does right now to mack on.

So, Azrael.

After I murder all of your hopes and dreams, you're buying the first round.

Because that's what losers do.

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