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JonPlex · (05-10-2014)

When we last left our hero, Jon Plex, he was in search of a game plan to avoid potential injury at his upcoming TLC match on Warfare. In case you haven’t been keeping up, he is rumored to have a World Title shot the following week on Madness in a fatal four-way match. This has produced a problem for our hero and he is currently roaming the streets of Lincoln, Nebraska, in search of a solution. We pick up Plex’s trail the next day at the hotel where he is staying. Todd Vincent and Plex are relaxing down by the pool, discussing their options concerning Warfare.

Todd Vincent
Why in the world would you ever say that?

Jon Plex
Because Todd… they have it so easy!

Todd Vincent
So let me get this straight. You are telling me that you…envy… all the other wrestlers of the XWF?

Jon Plex
I know it sounds absurd, but just hear me out on this one. I know I have a lot going for me. I’m probably the sexiest man on the planet. I’m aware there may be some remote areas that have never been discovered, but I’ll take the risk on my claim. I know for a fact that I am the funniest man on the planet because Jim Carrey told me once during a bachelor party for George Clooney. I mean, I could go on for days listing the ways that make me the Top Shelf MFER, but it all comes back to one thing…

Todd Vincent
Which is?

Jon Plex
With great power…comes great responsibility!

Todd Vincent
God dammit! I knew this was going nowhere! You stayed up late last night and watched Spiderman on TV didn’t you!

Jon Plex
It spoke to me Todd! Just like Spidey…I never asked for any of this! The pressure to perform and stay in the spotlight is too much! I just want to be normal like all the other wrestlers here so I can feel comfortable sucking!

Todd Vincent
I know you think right now that things are tough. You have been thrust into the spotlight quicker than anything I’ve ever witnessed in all my years of the business. You have got to suck it up though and wear that cape week in and week out buddy! The fans depend on you to be their…hero.

Jon Plex
I dunno Todd… it’s just so tiring. Putting the company on my back and carrying it in this new direction.

Todd Vincent
You signed up for this, remember? The Plex I know wouldn’t shy away from a good challenge.

Jon Plex
Ok, let’s say you’re right. What am I going to do about Warfare next week? I’ve been giving it thought and can’t come up with any ideas.

Todd Vincent
Well…how about this… you go out there and you handle business. You show Tony Santos that neither he nor tables, ladders, or chairs will alter the course of Jon Plex. It’s destiny’s…

Jon Plex
Child! Say my name, say my name. When no one is around you, say baby I love you!

Todd Vincent
:|

Jon Plex
:(

Todd Vincent
Anyways, no more talk of being envious of anyone. You really have to get your urges to compare movie themes to your life under control.

Jon Plex
I know… remember the time I watched Scarface?

Todd Vincent
I’m pretty sure you’re still being hunted by that cartel.

Jon Plex
Cock-a-roaches!

Todd Vincent
I noticed you had your swimming trunks on. Plan on doing a few laps around the pool are you?

Jon Plex
Well, I was thinking about yesterday and my crazy theory about muscles being the answer to my problems when I had another idea! It just hit me! I’m not quite sure why it hit me though, I thought I was a good wife…

Idea
Maybe if you cooked dinner every once and a while and wore something revealing…

Jon Plex
Sorry I refuse to be your WHORE SLAVE!

Idea
Why I outta….

Todd Vincent
Ahem!

Jon Plex
Oh right, well you see it occurred to me that muscles, while obviously very important, have a very serious con to them. They make you slower! That’s the last thing I want to be during a TLC match! So I made a few phone calls to some contacts I made last year while swimming across the Pacific Ocean. I need speed Todd! I need endurance! I need to….

Todd Vincent
Not get ahead of yourself.

Jon Plex
Oh Todd, on the contrary! I’m so ahead right now that you could call me.. A head! After today I will be so fast, people will be calling me Jon “FEMA” Plex!

Todd Vincent
I don’t think that’s a good comparison.

Jon Plex
Paint drying?

Todd Vincent
What is wrong with you?

Jon Plex
Oh looky Todd, I think that’s my guy!

Plex points out across the parking lot of the hotel where a long…black….LIMO has just pulled up. I know you got excited there for a minute Gilmour. The driver comes around and opens up the back door and out steps a very familiar face.

Todd Vincent
Holy shit… is that…

Jon Plex
Oh yeah!

Standing there, in all his magnificent glory, is American swimmer and the most decorated Olympian of all time… Michael Phelps! Oddly enough he is wearing nothing but a nut-tight Speedo and swimming cap that says Phelps > Light. He finishes his bowl of Wheaties that he was eating and makes his way over to the pool where Plex is giddy like a little school girl.

Jon Plex
Mikey! I’m so glad you decided to show up!

Michael Phelps
You must be Jon. Nice to meet you.

Todd Vincent
Mr. Phelps, let me just say that it is an honor to be graced by your presence.

Michael Phelps
I know.

Jon Plex
Hush Todd, I think he knows how badass he is. Don’t go disrespecting our guest like that again!

Todd gives a look of displeasure at Plex who is still gushing over Michael Phelps arrival.

Jon Plex
I can’t wait to get started! I know I might not seem like much to someone of your stature Mikey, but trust me I won’t disappoint you! Teach me everything you know!

Todd Vincent
So I assume you two are going to be doing a little swimming?

Michael Phelps
No…I won my 22 medals in skeet shooting. Who the hell is this guy!?

Jon Plex
Toddddddd! Isn’t there something unproductive you could be doing anywhere that is not here right now!?

Todd Vincent
….You know, come to think of it, there is! Have fun with your new buddy!

Todd finishes his sarcasm enriched sentence and storms away from the pool while making a phone call. Meanwhile, Phelps super fan Plex puts on his floaters and enters the pools where Phelps has already swam 1000 laps and set numerous new world records.

Jon Plex
It’s a little cold eh?

Michael Phelps
Silence! If you can’t handle a little cold water than you can’t handle life!

Jon Plex
Hmm, never heard that philosophy before, but hey you’re the boss.

Michael Phelps
No one gets anywhere complaining. You have to learn, adapt, conquer! When I’m done with your sorry ass, you’ll be faster than a Bugatti on blow!

Jon Plex
Hell…yes!

Voice
Now why are you going and filling that poor guy’s head with promises that you know you can’t keep…Phelps!?

The two look over to the far side of the pool where this figure emerges, accompanied by Todd Vincent.

Michael Phelps
Son of a…

Jon Plex
Ryan Lochte!?

Indeed, the voice comes from Ryan Lochte, diabolical nemesis to Michael Phelps.

Todd Vincent
Looks like you’re not the only one with connections Jonny boy!

Phelps and Lochte are engaged in an epic stare down as beads of sweat drip from foreheads all across the country in anticipation of what is about to transpire. Plex stands behind Phelps with a nervous look on his face, while Todd stands with Lochte, smiling broadly. As Jim Ross would say, “business is about to pick up!” Until we meet again, All Hail Plex!

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