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Scorpio · (05-07-2014)

We open exactly where we left off, with darkness wondering if our sparkly jacket, face paint wearing hero was able to survive going full on Sonny Bono on a big ass tree. Well sorry to inform you but he wasn't, be gone wenches, no promo will be seen here. No, just darkness like Scorpio will see for all eternity because he's dead. Why are you still here? Have you no respect for the dead? What? You want to see his body? Want to see all his intestines hanging out of his sweet sweet buns of steel? Want to see his dick of doom laying their limp, destined to never rise again? Want to see his brain matter leaking out of his nose? How about watching his eyes being pecked out by crows? His nips being bitten off by wild Christine Nashs? His dead body defiled by confirmed necrophiliacs like Ann Thraxx? IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT! Fine, we were trying to spare you from something that you can't unsee but if you're just going to sit here and stare at a black screen then god damn it, WE'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO STARE AT! The scene now opens to a pile of blood covered entrails that are no doubt all that remains of the man who was once known as the Brah Brawler. We all bow our heads to observe a moment of silence.

Smoosh.

Scorpio: AWWW SICK!

We are jerked out of our moment of silence by Scorpio accidentally stepping right in the entrails before immediately jumping into some nearby grass in order to wipe all the nastiness he just stepped in off of his shoes. Hallelujah, hallelujah, thank you Talos, praise Sithis, and most importantly all hail the almighty Wendy for keeping her mightiest warrior from crossing into the nether realm! Scorpio continues dragging his feet through the grass before crouching down and wiping some sweat from his forehead.

Scorpio: Pile of nastiness or not, I'm fucking hungry, triple stack break.

Scorpio pulls the backpack off of his back, opens it up, and pulls a triple stack out of it. As Scorpio begins devouring the triple stack he starts to hear a loud stomping noise off in the distance that seems to be getting closer and closer. Not only that but as the sound gets closer the ground begins to shake with so much force that it seems like Scorpio is standing at ground zero of an earthquake. Scorpio finishes off his burger, ground shaking and all. He then zips up his backpack and slings it over his shoulder before looking around again still trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. That's when he finally sees what is making the sound, Titan.

[Image: Titan.jpg]

Scorpio yells out.

Scorpio: Aww shit, Samuels, what up my nigga? Are you wearing the red rocket mask again because of what happened with Heyman?

Titan says nothing as he runs towards Scorpio.

Scorpio: Aww come on brah, don't give me the silent treatment.

Titan continues making his way towards Scorpio without saying a word and Scorpio suddenly makes a lot of realizations.

Scorpio: Damn brah, when did you get so big? You got some of those Morbid Angel steroids huh? I really need to get me some of those. Wait, where's your nips brah? Double wait, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR DICK!?!?!

More silence as Titan gets dangerously close to Scorpio, that is until.....

SWOOOOOSH!

A man wearing some kind of harness with wires shooting out of it swoops in and grabs Scorpio using the harness device to carry both of them to a huge branch sticking out of a nearby tree where four other people wearing the same harness devices are standing.

Man Who Saved Scorpio: I'm Thomas.

Thomas now points at the four other people wearing the harnesses as he speaks.

Thomas: That's Gregg, he's Roman, that guy over there is Phil, and she's Kristy. Who are you?

Scorpio: The name is Scorpio.

Thomas: Well Scorpio now that we've gotten that out of the way, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!?!?!?

Scorpio: Well brah I believe my exact thoughts were "When did John Samuels become a huge nipless eunuch?".

Thomas: Who the hell is John Samuels?

Scorpio: That big guy over there who's head looks like a dog penis.

The group of harness wearers look down at Titan.

Gregg: You mean the Titan?

Scorpio: It's not "the Titan" brah, it's just Titan.

Gregg: But there's more than one of them.

Gregg points off into the distance where we see more of the red rocket headed Titans.

Scorpio: No shit brah, everybody knows that, they are Titan.

Roman: You mean Titans?

Scorpio: No they are Titan.

Kristy: That doesn't make any sense.

Scorpio: You're absolutely right but I'm telling you, they are Titan.

Thomas: Whatever the hell you want to call them doesn't change the fact that those things are bloodthirsty killing machines and you were just going to sit there and let one smash you.

Scorpio: Oh please brah, I've gotten smashed with Samuels before, there's nothing to worry about. He's a little racist but he's a cool guy. He even got my face tattooed on his ass.

Kristy: Thomas, what is this guy talking about.

Thomas: He's obviously out of his mind.

Scorpio: Uh... I'm standing right here brahs.

Roman: Yes, you're standing there all mentally handicapped.

Scorpio: God damn it, I'M TELLING YOU I KNOW THAT GUY!

A pissed off Scorpio jumps out of the tree landing on Titan's shoulder.

Scorpio: Samuels, brah, tell these asshats that we know each other.

Kristy: YOU IDIOT YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED!

Kristy gets ready to swoop in and save Scorpio but Phil stops her.

Phil: No, don't risk your life to save that crazy bastard. He jumped down there, let him deal with the consequences

Scorpio waits for a response from Titan but he never gets one, instead Titan quickly plucks Scorpio off of his shoulder and tosses him into his mouth seemingly swallowing him whole. All of the people left in the tree sigh and shake their heads.

Thomas: Sad, but we can't risk our lives to save lunatics. If I knew he was that far gone I never would have grabbed him to begin with.

Titan begins dry heaving and clutching at his throat. Suddenly the back of Titan's head explodes and Scorpio goes sailing through the air covered in Titan's blood, with his pants down and his dick of doom fully erect. He safely lands on the ground as Titan's limp body collapses harmlessly. All of the people in the tree are in complete shock but use their harness devices to move to the ground where Scorpio is.

Scorpio: Ewww, my dick is all bloody, I hate it when that happens.

Thomas: You mean this isn't the first time?

Scorpio: You've obviously never been with a chick and been in the middle of pounding her cock socket only to look down and realize that the sheets look like a crime scene.

Thomas: No, I can't say that I have. What did you do in that situation?

Scorpio: The only thing you can do....finish the job.

Gregg: But....

Scorpio: YOU FINISH THE GOD DAMN JOB!

Scorpio shakes the blood from his dick of doom before putting it away, that's when a bolt of lightning strikes right beside the group and
a colossal Titan appears. Before anybody even has a chance to react the colossal Titan lifts its foot and brings it down squashing Gregg, Roman, and Kristy. Phil tries using his harness to quickly get away but the colossal Titan swats him like a bug. Thomas tries to carry Scorpio to safety once again but they too get swatted away. Thomas slams into a large rock snapping his neck instantly, meanwhile Scorpio hits the ground rolling a few feet. He's in bad shape but still alive, he tries to stand and run but is quickly grabbed by the colossal Titan. Instead of swallowing him whole, this Titan RIPS HIM IN HALF. Fade to black.

That is until the scene reopens and Scorpio sits up from a bed to see Gregg, Roman, Phil, Thomas, and Kristy standing there looking at him.

Scorpio: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Phil: We found you laying in the woods in bad shape so we brought you back here, you've been in and out of consciousness for a while now.

Scorpio: No, we were in the woods and you guys had on these weird harness things. I killed Titan but then another giant one appeared and you died there, and you died there, all of you died there!

Kristy: Well that's nice.

Thomas: Harness things? You mean three dimensional maneuver gear?

Scorpio: You say three dimensional maneuver gear, I say harness thing.

Gregg: I think you just had a bad dream and we were probably in it because we were around for the few minutes you actually regained consciousness.

Scorpio: If you say so.

Roman: So you killed a Titan in your dream huh? How did you pull that off?

Scorpio: With my dick brah, with my dick.

Confused looks spread across the room and with that we fade to crack.

[Image: crack.jpg]

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