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Morbid Angel · (05-02-2014)

The scene opens to Griffin McAlister sitting in a Synagogue reading from the Torah out loud. He was wearing a white button down shirt and a black over jacket and the finishing touch was the Yamaka on top of his head.

Griffin McAlisterberg-” Blub Blub Blub Hock Spit Hock Spit Hock Spit Niche Pularp.” (Jewish speak)

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the old woman’s panties and gives them a quick sniff and continues to read to himself.

Griffin stops and looks at the camera which keeps rolling and he keeps thinking that he will win points with the fans if he keeps looking like a good religious man. Griffin McAlister speaks a few more lines from their book before looking at the camera to speak.

Griffin McAlisterberg-”Well Luca I see that you are all but silent here against me. Your words hold little weight when it comes to anything of worth. I believe since you are recently back from the dead I should consider myself lucky to face such a abomination to this world…I mean you are technically dead still. It’s not like the government would just let you come back online with the same social security number and to think that you died at the end of the year so you were unable to collect those taxes! You were ineligible to collect taxes on all that money that you made…we’re talking hundreds of dollars here. You aren’t worth that much money in the entire scope of things anyway. You are maybe worth $600 in taxes and the fact that you died and no one really even knew you were dead is a mystery to me why you even wanted to come back. I mean if no one cared when you died and even management forgot you were actually dead that is a pretty good indication that no one cared.

But seriously if you need your taxes done I am your man. I’ll do a back filing on a state level then have them push it to the IRS and I’ll make sure you get the maximum of what you should be getting. Don’t let this nose fool you. I am 101% jewish! And proud! In fact. I want to invite you all to this charity event that will be held in a few hours where I get to read my own poetry then at the end it is auctioned off and the money is donated to rich jewish children who need new calculators and bigger houses to match their noses.”

Griffin does a few bows before backing out of his seat and the scene fades to black.

The scene opens again to Griffin dressed like a punk rocker in the back of the Synagogue! There were at least 100 people sitting in the audience. Jews from the look of all the noses sniffing up all the good air. Sad little rich jew children sit upfront with their hopes and dreams for a bigger house and new calculators and it all boils down to what brilliant poem this fellow jew has written. Griffin McAlisterhoffer has been working on this poem for 4 months and even had a publicist contact people who would be interested. Mostly they were fellow jewish art and history collectors with their last names ending in “Berg” or “Stein” . either way there were more than a dozen of them here willing to pay top dollar for this work of art.

Griffin McAlisterstein stands before the microphone and slowly runs his hands through his hair before starting to read his work of art.

Griffin McAlistergold-” This poem is called “Ode to Mother”…here it is.

As I piss and I shit,
I cut my throat, I touch my balls.
Eat my flesh and gash my skin,
Till blood and bodily fluid spill out of my body like whiskey from my bottle.
I’ll fucking get you all.
I swear in hell’s court, I’ll get you all!”

The room was silent. No one said a word and really looked to be shocked at what they just heard from their dear sweet Griffin McAlistehoffmen. It was shocking that he would be the author of such a travesty of a poem. I mean who would write that?…only a jew. Griffin takes a bow and hands the poem off to a man who was hired to auction off the one of a kind work of “art”. the man holds up the paper that was stained and dirty with what would only be described as dried semen and motor oil.

The Auctioneer pinches it with two fingers and places it on a table in front of the stage and begins the auction.

Auctioneer-” OK, we have a one of a kind Griffin McAlister hand written and signed poem entitled “Ode to Mother”. We will start the bidding at $5 and only increases of $5 will be accepted. Do we have $5? BLLLLAAHHHBBLLLLAAAAHHHHHHBBBBBLLLLLAAAAHHHHHHH…$10! WE HAVE $10. BBBBLLLLAAAAHHHHBBBBBLLLLLAAAHHHHBBBBLLLLAAAAHHH…$15! WE HAVE $15. BBBBLLLLAAAAHHHHHHBBBBLLLLAAAAHHHHBBLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH…WE HAVE $15 GOING ONCE! GOING TWICE!…….SOLD! For $15 to the lovely lady in the 10XL Muumuu! You can come and pick up your purchase.”

The camera pans and you see little spoiled jew kids throw themselves to the floor crying that once again…Griffin McAlister has failed them! It is a shame that the only hero these little jews have is fucking Adam Sandler! Who else? Who fucking else do they have? Ben Stiller? Fuck him!

This overly fat woman who was sweating profusely just by getting out of her chair, waddles down to the stage to collect her winnings!

Griffin McAlisterburg-” MA! You can’t buy that! It was for charity! Look at all these little jews crying they won’t get bigger houses because you blocked half the bidders from bidding! And shouldn’t you be dead?”

Mamma Griffin-”My sweet darlin’ boy! All grown up and still treating me like shit! I came back to life because I heard about this poem for me and I wanted to see it. Besides everyone else gets to die and come back to life. Look at that Luca character…or even Frodo Smackins. They died and came back and no one said a damn thing.”

Griffin McAlisterwitz-”Mamma, this is different! XWF is real life and ……”

Mamma Griffin-”And what? I’m fake?”

Griffin McAlisterbaum-”No mamma that’s not what I was meaning. What I meant to say was that you died for real and they faked their deaths. You should be really dead.”

Mamma Griffin-”Don’t you sass me boy! You aren’t ever too big to get put over my knee! I’ll smack the shit out of your scrawny ass!”

Griffin McAlisterblum-”Mamma No! not in front of mixed company! I need their respect!”

Mamma Griffin-”You want them to respect you? Considering that I had to wipe your ass until you were 18? How about make sure you took a bath until the day I died? Hmm…looks like me dying kept you from getting clean! You look filth and the smell! Horrid! Where is your grandmother? She was suppose to help keep you clean.”

Griffin McAlisteradler-”She is with Pop Pop at home waiting on me to visit. I’m sorry mamma! Don’t be mad at me! I lurve you!”

Mamma Griffin-”Don’t give me that Simple Jack bullshit! Lets get you home and get that bath before the smell kills one of these jew children. Jews been gassed enough.”

The scene fades to black

The scene opens to Griffin standing in a shower with his mother lathering up a white washcloth to wash the dirty, smelly and over all…filthy man. Griffin’s penis was near non existent as the wash cloth got near for his mothers favorite part…the genitalia cleaning! Griffin’s face turned red as she rum washed his naughty bits.

Griffin McAlistercohen-”Mamma no! please not in front of the camera! My friends are on the other side!”

Mamma Griffin-”Shut up boy! You use to like this! Just do your camera thing so we can eat some fast food.”

Griffin’s face was still red as he began to speak.

Griffin McAlisterrothschild-”Luca, I am not going to stop until you stay dead this time and I mean that. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that I’ll lose just to keep you looking good. I defeated the great Morbid Angel once! I even touched Jessica Diaz’s boobie once!”

Griffins mother forces him to turn around and face the wall as she washed his ass.

Mamma Griffin-”Shut up boy! You can’t even talk smack right! Let Mamma do it for you!”

She grabbed the bar of soap and re-lathered the white wash cloth and began to speak as she cleaned.

Mamma Griffin-”Luca or whatever the fuck your name is! My name is Bertha Hoffer, I am the mother of Griffin and I birthed him from my fucking vagina!”

She grabs the front of her muumuu and lifts it showing a sore covered slop-hole in which Griffin came.

Mamma Griffin-”I know you said you wanted to beat my baby boy at one point but know that if you hurt him you will find me stalking you until the day either I kill you or I die trying! This is my pride and joy! I love him more than I should but he needs me! The poor boy never figured out how to properly wash himself! He may not be the brightest or the wittiest…or the best looking…or the best smelling. But he is my son! And you fuck with him You are fucking with every jew alive! We are pack animals! Put one of us in a camp and we all go to camp! So says history! So fuck you!”

Griffin snickers

Griffin McAlisterwinkler-”Mamma said a naughty word hehe!”

Mamma Griffin finishes washing his ass and pulls the cloth away. The white cloth was brown and covered in shit….damn that boy is nasty!

The scene fades out!

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