I woke up that morning and put my shoes on. It was like any other morning. Nice weather. Pretty bird songs. Incredibls sunrise. Not a cloud in the sky. You'd think it was the perfect day. Or a reasonable facsimile. Under any other circumstances I would.

Let me just say this. As far as breakfast goes, I had to have my favorite beverage. Tea. English people do it all the time. Really good with a teaspoon of dairy cream. All of a sudden, I heard my phone ring. "Let's pick it up." I thought. Petunia. ex-girlfriend. Ex. So why does she have my number? Shiela gave it to her.

Should I ever say I love you to her? They said she would tie me to the matress. People instinctively naysay things about perpetual idiots. Need to mind their own business.

Patricia was hot. I couldn't wait to meet her at Nattie's for lunch. The ride was long and hot. We had champagne. She and I on the veranda, her long black hair pinned back. Lovely night. Gonna do the horizontal polka. I need it.

Later on, our clothes got wet. We wanted to hang our clothes up but we didn't have any clothes...um..what were they called? I saw her nipples though. I wanted to pinch them. Pervert, I now.

Eh...probably in too deep.

Pickin up this nonsense?

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A puffin is seen flying overhead with the Ark of the Covenant in its beak. The title belt is dropped down and hits Romulus in the head!

New Champ: Romulus Heinrich Winters