“A ‘Troublemaker’ who hasn’t done jack, and a self-absorbed ‘Star’, eh? Looks like my first match will be too easy.”

The camera reveals Luke Crimson sitting at a bar with a bottle of Budweiser watching a baseball game with some random drunks.

“Hello X Dub-ya F fans. Luke Crimson here. I’ve recently been booked for my first ever match and well, let’s face it, my opponents are jobbers.”

A man in a Florida Marlins jersey walks up and puts his arm around Luke.

“You tell ‘em, Luke. Griffin and Webster are useless meatbags.”

“Not gonna argue with you there, Rusty.”

“They gon get discharged soon.”

Luke holds up his bottle of beer.

“As you can see, I ain’t CM Walkout.”

Everyone laughs. An old balding gentleman walks over to Luke from the other side of the counter.

“You want another one, Luke? I’m sure you’ll be able to afford a lot of beer with that XWF money that’ll be rollin in.”

“No thanks, Trevor.”

“Aw come on, man.”

“I told you before, Rusty, alcohol is dangerous.”

“Please don’t get on that soapbox again. That’s the one thing I hate about you, man.”

“Alright, but only because we’re friends.”

Suddenly, the power goes out. The people in the bar are puzzled as to what is going on. A woman shrieks.

“Help me!”

A familiar voice cries out.

“Save yourselves!”

The power comes back on. The bartender known as Trevor is found lifeless across the bar. Broken bottles are everywhere and the televisions have been destroyed. The cinderblocks below the televisions suggest they were smashed with those. Rusty walks over to the nearest cinderblock and finds a note taped to it.

“Look at this, Luke”

Luke opens the note, it reads the following:

“Yo Cracka-Ass Crackas,

I’m sick of yo gay ass bar takin bidness away from Aunt Toprameneesha’s Chicken ‘n’ Waffles Emporium. We have taken a random sexy-ass white biatch as a hostage. Shut down the bar, or we will have to put a cap in yo ass, but not befo we put a lil somthin somthin in her’s.

Peace Out Crackas,
- Spider of the Legion


“Damnit!”

“I know. It’s sad to see Mr. Redshirt go so soon. He was about to retire.”

“No, I mean I can’t believe we’ve failed this community so much.”

Everyone looked puzzled.

“Look, if we weren’t such a selfish apathetic group of people toward our neighborhoods, and minorties this would not have happened.”

“How do you know? You a fortune teller or something?”

“Shut your ass up! Listen, I know that it seems unfair, but we have to look at this from a social justice perspective.”

Rusty walks over to Luke.

“Luke, let’s be real here, no one cares about that here. The bottom line is we need to rescue that woman before she gets f’d in the a by a bunch of black folks.”

“Fine, but I’m still kickin the superintendent and mayor’s asses when this is all over.”

Luke turns to the camera.

“Don’t adjust your set folks, I’ll be coming to Warfare to kick some ass and address the match before then, but I got some chicken and waffle-flavored top ramen to boil…….man that sounds disgusting.”