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JonPlex · (04-23-2014)

When we last left our hero, he was…

Jon Plex
Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!

Todd Vincent
What is it!?

This mother fucker is going to give me a heart attack if he keeps this up!

Jon Plex
Shut up and just tell them what I am doing!

Plex has ran into the run wearing nothing but his pajamas and his face is dripping with sweat; his eyes wide with fear.

Jon Plex
For good reason too! I just had the worst nightmare ever!

Todd Vincent
Aren’t you a little old to be having nightmares?

Jon Plex
Aren’t you a little old to be having…TOAST FOR BREAKFAST!? Gah, can I finish my story or what!?

Todd Vincent
Proceed.

Jon Plex
Ok so at first, everything was going good. It was your typical dream where I am like totes bf's with Zach Efron and we are cruising Muscle Beach for some pussy…

Todd spits out his coffee.

Todd Vincent
Dammit man! Kids watch this shit!

Jon Plex
Oh so I can kill two people, but I can’t say pus—

Todd Vincent
Ah ah! The censors have come to terms with kids and them being desensitized to senseless violence, but strong sexual language is still a no-no! This ain’t HBO!

Jon Plex
Fine. So we were cruising for some frozen custard when suddenly…Oh Todd.. it was horrible! Dusty Wyatt had you kidnapped!

Todd Vincent
Kidnapped?

Jon Plex
Yeah, he had you in the back of a trunk somewhere and was hitting you and driving javelin’s through your feet!

Todd Vincent
Jesus!

Jesus
Yes my son?

Todd Vincent
Argh, not you literally!

Jesus
:(

Jon Plex
Why does he always linger around just itching for someone to call his name? He’s a real fucking creeper that guy!

Todd Vincent
So what else happened?

Jon Plex
Well you two chit-chatted back and forth for a bit. You told him how you are totally gay for me, and I am not surprised one bit there buddy!

Todd Vincent
Wait a minute, hold the hell on! What do you mean you’re not surprised!? It was a nightmare, it wasn’t real… obviously I am not gay for you.

Jon Plex
PUH-LEASE! I seen the way you look at my ding-a-ling in the shower! In allllllll it’s glory!

Todd Vincent
…is that what I said in the nightmare?

Jon Plex
Hehe, yeah!

Todd Vincent
Is there anything else worth mentioning about this nightmare?

Jon Plex
Well it gets a little fuzzy, but Wyatt begins torturing you and saying a bunch of weird stuff… I dunno it kinda started morphing into a dream about me, Kate Upton, and a bouncy castle.

Todd Vincent
Well usually dreams can serve as signs for some people, but I’m not taking anything away from this one. It’s just STUPID! I mean, you’d have to be really STUPID to think that any of that would ever really happen. It’s just a STUPID idea from start to finish! I’m not sure if I’m stressing hard enough the STUPIDITY of a “dream” like that! STUPID!

Jon Plex
I see what you did there!

Todd Vincent
Desperation is a stinky cologne and it seems to be the premiere scent for your opponents. Normally I’m the level-headed guy who tries to impart on your the seriousness of scouting and listening to your opponents, but fuck that noise!

Jon Plex
Yeah! I like this Todd!

Todd Vincent
It amazes me the level of stupidity that some of this shit guppies will stoop to for material! If you can’t be original, have to overstep the boundaries of acceptance, or at least have one single fucking creative thought go through your head…. well then just do us all a favor and shut the fuck up!

Jon Plex
Preach it brother Vincent!

Todd Vincent
Look, I get it, you’re having a hard time coming up with material. It happens to the best of us. I mean, probably more so in your case because you decided to mimic yourself after a WWE character. I imagine it’s hard to rip-off someone else who is only on tv maybe twice a week, for just a few minutes at a time. So in your case, you improvise. You do what you think he would do, and quite frankly you’re coming off rather

]

[color=#800000]Plex is in the background shaking a tambourine and raising his hands to the sky.

Todd Vincent
If you’re afraid of my friend Jon Plex then just admit it. Spare us this mind-numbing drivel that you are repeating over and over! Your verbal regurgitation is simply a sign of your weakness and inability to compete on our level. We are light years ahead of you and your underdeveloped brain. When we speak, the masses listen. They cheer and chant for more! They appreciate the quality and effort we put forth each and every time! Then there is you. You are what we like to call in the business, “the ratings drop.” You see because whenever you come on, people simply change the channel.

Jon Plex
I like to press mute and then make him talk with a funny accent and say silly things! Oi! I’m Dusty Wyatt! Today I’m gonna show you how to wrestle with your self-loathing emotion and childhood abuse issues while pretending I am just naturally this messed up! Hehe, that was Australian!

Todd Vincent
Anything beats actually listening to that idiot. I’m actually mad at myself for waking up this earlier to even address him.

Jon Plex
Yeah I’m surprised you’re up as well. I mean, after all that hardcore gay sex you had last night, I was sure you’d sleep half the day away!

Zing! High five!

Jon Plex
You know it!

Todd Vincent
Really? You find humor in this?

Jon Plex
Come on buddy, lighten up! Everyone knows the guy is a fucking nut case and will say anything to fill up his airtime. The only people who even hang around him are freakin’ buzzards and that’s just because they are waiting for him to die. Relax, embrace in the joy of knowing that tonight I will extract some revenge on him at Warfare. Then after I throw his fat, Louisiana backwoods, animal sacrificing, fedora wearing, mannnnnnn I just really suck ass out that ring… well then it’s really no contest after that. The title shot is as good as mine.

Todd Vincent
I couldn’t agree more.

Jon Plex
I’m freakin’ pumped Toddy! At first, I will admit, I was a bit hesitant about returning to the world of wrestling. The head honchos here at XWF had been calling me for months. Practically begging me to some save their show from the depths of despair! They were pretty convincing with their argument and even more so with the number they wrote on that check!

Bling Bling!

Jon Plex
Cash money baby!

Todd Vincent
Is this a new thing… you two?

Jon Plex
Hater.

Todd Vincent
So what made you decided to come back anyways?

Jon Plex
When I used to wrestle in your promotion when I was younger, it was fun! I mean the competition was there and nothing came easy, but it was fun! The fans always had a good time and no matter what we put on a show for them. I watched some of the stuff XWF sent over and you know… I found myself not even paying attention to the matches. Instead I saw the fans sitting around the ring with their chins in their hands, bored out of their minds! It was then I told myself that I couldn’t sit idly by and let them suffer any longer. I guess it’s my calling Todd. I’m a protector of the people’s interest. They deserve the best in professional wrestling and I’m the Top Shelf MFER!

Todd Vincent
I’ve never seen this humanitarian side of you Jon, I’m impressed!

Jon Plex
Yeah well, I like seeing my name on shirts again too!

Todd Vincent
Naturally.

Jon Plex
I’ll tell you though, getting to put an end to the likes of Dusty Wyatt adds a nice little something extra to the whole thing.

Todd Vincent
Fuck Dusty Wyatt!

Jon Plex
You would… you gay bastard!

Todd Vincent
GOD DAMMIT STOP WITH THE GAY JOKES!

Jon Plex
I’m just saying… you like to moisturize a lot and always smell like melon cucumber.

Haha, cu-CUM-ber!

Todd Vincent
I’m about sick and tired of you speaking out narrator!

You don’t sign my checks

!

Jon Plex
Ohhhh snap!

Todd Vincent
What’s with you!? One day you want to fire this guy and the next you are cutting up and sharing laughs at my expense!

Jon Plex
What can I say, the little bastard is growing on me!

<3

Jon Plex
You complete me…literally. Give me a nice little departure, I grow weary from pipe bombing.

Todd Vincent
Wait, what about the rest of the battle royale participants?

Jon Plex
What about them?

Todd Vincent
Well I mean there isn’t too much left to say, but wouldn’t you like to cap it all off with a little something?

Jon Plex
I think it’s irrelevant to the point. You have Sebastian Duke. Clearly a legend, in his own mind partly, of the XWF. The man has done plenty in his time here, hell who wouldn’t!? I respect his dedication to the business, but that’s where I draw the line. If only he was as dedicated to not boring me to death with his personality. Blah, blah, blah we get it, you don’t like lights! You’re the King of Darkness and cheap electric bills! How many times are you going to remind us about what you did? You seem so keen on sticking to that angle, yet you leave some parts left unsaid. Well let me remind you that all I hear when you go on and on about this time and that time is that you’re old. Old people have a few things going for them like wisdom, better parking spots, bingo halls, Wheel of Fortune, etc. I acknowledge you were once a fine wrestler of the XWF. A force to be reckoned with I’m sure, but we all share a common father and his name is Time. Time has run it’s course and is slowly ticking out on you Duke. He is one opponent you cannot defeat, no matter how many lights you turn off. Accept this and take what little dignity and pride you have left in this company and bow out. Retire a “legend” before you are killed as one.

Todd Vincent
And Genesis?

Jon Plex
Hey no one batted an eye at me when I got here, until I showed them what I could do in the ring. Now they can’t get enough of me. Genesis will have to walk that same road. Is he capable of doing great things, I guess so. Hell if I flip a coin, it’s got a chance of landing one way or another. Until he proves himself here in the XWF, then Genesis will remain just that. The boring beginning of an even more boring long book. Oh and a quick heads up, that book is fictional, much like his chances of proving himself when I’m in the ring. Face it XWF! Come to terms with the quick and sudden rise to fame of Jon Plex. It’s not a fad, it’s not a gimmick, it’s a fucking wake up call. Your days of laziness and doing just enough to get by are over. I’m not here to hold your hand and dance back and forth with you between promos. I’m here to send a message and send it loud and clear! I’m playing with house money! Last week on Warfare I Tyrant Exposed one XWF “superstar” and tonight I will do the same thing to each and every single one of you who enter that battle royale. You can’t stop the winds of change! Just sit back and enjoy the show… maybe you’ll learn something.

Todd Vincent
Normally I wouldn’t stop you when you’re on a roll like this, mainly because it’s like pulling teeth getting you to be serious, but I am getting hungry.

Jon Plex
For dick!

Todd Vincent
THAT’S IT!

Todd luges at Plex, who hastily makes his escape through the door of the motel room and out into the parking lot. As these two continue on, one can only ponder the fate of all those poor chumps tonight on Warfare. Will they heed the warning and make the right decision or will they give it a shot and fail? Only time will tell, and remember, it is running out. Until we meet again, all hail Plex.

#moreplexplease

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