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JonPlex · (04-22-2014)

When we last left our hero, he was knee deep in some alternative reality/time travel mischief. A few days have passed since then and now we find Jon Plex inside an empty room, laying in a bed, covered in wires. There is a window looking into the room and behind it we see a team of doctors and Todd Vincent. Jesus I hope he isn’t dying, I really like this job…

Todd Vincent
He isn’t dying.

Doctor
What’s that?

Todd Vincent
Oh nothing… so doc what’s the plan?

Doctor
Well we are going to run some simple tests and come up with a solid theory as to what is causing your friend’s insomnia.

Jon Plex
I’ll tell you what’s causing it! It’s those damn sheep! Today’s sheep… so lazy and always on their smart phones! They are too busy sharing their lives on the internet to jump over a damn fence for me!

Doctor
Please remain still and silent Mr.Plex

Todd Vincent
It just doesn’t make any sense… he has never had any problems falling asleep. It’s actually quite the opposite. It’s usually damn near impossible to keep him entertained enough to NOT fall asleep.

Doctor
That’s very interesting….

The Doctor begins to nod off.

Jon Plex
Hah! I told you it wasn’t me! You’re a bore!

Todd Vincent
HEY FUCK YOU!

Doctor
Huh oh hmm..my apologies. Where was I? Oh yes… unusual… has anything changed with Mr.Plex recently? Any new additions of stress or maybe he has changed his diet?

Todd Vincent
Well he did start wrestling again. I don’t see how that would have any correlation to his insomnia though?

Doctor
It may and it may not. We just like to cover all the bases. We’ll keep monitoring him overnight and go over the test results in the morning. You’re more than welcome to stay here for the night for your friend.

Todd Vincent
Thanks doc.

Jon Plex
This is boring! I don’t have a problem!

Todd Vincent
Jon you haven’t been asleep for days. You claim nothing is going on inside that head of yours, which part of me believes, but yet here we are. Something is wrong and we have to correct it before Warfare or the medical team at XWF may not clear you for action.

Jon Plex
Yeah right! I’m the hottest new thing since sliced bologna! There is no way they will keep me off Warfare & that battle royale! If I’m not there, pssh… good luck selling tickets!

Todd Vincent
Speaking of the battle royale, a few of your opponents finally came out of the woodwork and cut some promos this week. Looks like you have some actual competition for a change.

Jon Plex
Todd, normally I consider myself the funny guy, but you are killing it right now!

Todd Vincent
I’m not joking Jon. Dusty Wyatt, Sebastian Duke & some new guy named Genesis all spoke about the battle royale and even went as far to take some shots at you.

Jon Plex
Where’s my gun?

Todd Vincent
At the bottom of the river. We’ve been over this… you can’t go around shooting people just because you got away with killing yourself…or whatever.

Jon Plex
Thanks Obama!

Todd Vincent
You need to be serious for a minute and address this situation. This isn’t going to be a walk in the park, like with Tyrant EX.

Jon Plex
Tyrant EX wasn’t a walk in the park Todd, we wrestled. It’s called wrestling. I swear, sometimes you are just out there man!

Todd Vincent
I know you enjoy derailing my conversations, but unless you want to miss out on an opportunity at the title, you better change your attitude.

Jon Plex
Okay! Geez… heaven forbid a guy have a little fun while he’s stuck in an empty room, hooked up to machines like some kind of lab rat!

Heaven
Naw man we’re cool with it!

Jon Plex
Thank you!

Todd Vincent
Look, how about I just bring a television in there and let you watch the tapes at least. You may not care, but it will be good to at least listen to what they had to say.

Jon Plex
Sigh… if you must.

Todd rolls a television into the sleep study room and turns it on the XWF 24/7 channel.

Todd Vincent
I’ll be back in a few minutes. I’m going down to the lobby to grab something from the vending machine. You want anything?

Jon Plex
Yeah, a new narrator!

What the hell!? What did I do!?

Jon Plex
You let him wheel that goddamn tv in here and now I have to watch this crap!

Todd Vincent
You’re not firing the narrator.

Jon Plex
:(

Todd leaves the room and heads out for some snacks. Meanwhile Plex is stuck watching the events from the past few days. A few minutes have passed when Todd returns back to the room.

Todd Vincent
Dude, they had starburst twizzlers! I haven’t seen these in forever! You want some…Jon?

Jon Plex
ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ

Todd Vicent
It’s a miracle! Sleep tight, sweet prince!

The next morning.

Todd Vincent
I’m telling you doc, I have no clue how it happened. He was wide awake being his normal pain in the ass self and I left for some snacks and upon my return….

Doctor
That is interesting.

Todd Vincent
Yeah you seem to use that word a lot.

Doctor
What’s that television doing in there?

Todd Vincent
Oh I took it in there last night. He needed to catch up on his work.

Jon Plex
Mmmm! Hello? Where am I?

Todd Vincent
Hey Jonny boy! You’re at the sleep study clinic, remember? You did it! You fell asleep!

Jon Plex
Well…duh!

Todd Vincent
What are you talking about?

Jon Plex
What did you expect was going to happen when you made me watch that crap last night!?

Doctor
Wait, what exactly did you watch?

Jon Plex
Describing it does it no justice! Come in here and take a look see yourself.

Todd and Doctor walk into the room and replay the promos that Jon watched the night before.

The next morning.

Todd Vincent
What the… how long have I been out?

Doctor
I hell, we all fell asleep. Even Mr.Plex again!

Jon Plex
Yawn…I told you!

Doctor
Sweet mother of God! I think you’ve found the cure to insomnia!

Jon Plex
Add that to my resume Todd!

Todd Vincent
What are you talking about doc!?

Doctor
Whatever we watched last night, affects our brain in such a way to counter the insomnia! It’s a visual sleep aid like I’ve never seen! This will revolutionize the medical world!

Todd Vincent
I don’t understand?

Jon Plex
It’s not rocket science Todd.

NASA
Damn right!

Jon Plex
Isn’t it obvious? The promos cut by Wyatt, Geneis & Duke put me to sleep! Hell they’d put anyone to sleep!

Todd Vincent
I see…

Jon Plex
Let me break it down for you. First we have some hillbilly who can’t make up his mind.

Todd Vincent
Wyatt?

Jon Plex
Yeah that creepo! One minute he is going on for the 100th time I’m sure about himself and how he killed people. News flash…who hasn’t!? I killed myself a few days ago, big whoop! Then he does the next stereotypical thing and talks about how he is the best and so much different than anyone. Then the contradicting starts. He doesn’t know if he’s even going to enter the battle royale, and then suddenly he’s going to come down to the ring and show our parents that we are ducks. DUCKS TODD! I know I’m famous for not making much sense but holy shit!

Todd Vincent
I will agree with you on that one Jon. The dude has some serious mental issues.

Jon Plex
Oh there is more. He did an interview later that basically takes you on another roller coaster ride of confusion. Apparently now he doesn’t plan on winning, just inflicting as much pain as possible. I mean what’s the angle here? The ole I don’t care about winning, but I’m going to talk about possible winning because secretly I want to win, but if I somehow manage not to win then I won’t look stupid because remember mom & dad… IT WASN’T ABOUT WINNING!

Todd Vincent
This whole…sleep cure is starting to make sense now.

Jon Plex
Is he Dusty Wyatt, is he God, is he the Boogieman!? I don’t even think he knows!? How can someone so disconnected from reality even fathom stepping into the ring with Jon Plex? I’m just going to give ring to Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson!

Todd Vincent
What good is that going to do?

Jon Plex
Did you not watch True Detectives!? I got it on the DVR at home, remind me and we’ll watch it later. Anyways, those two played detectives who had to deal with someone very similar to Wyatt. Maybe they can offer some advice on how to deal with him.

Todd Vincent
What about the others?

Jon Plex
Oh god yes, the others! It gets worse Toddy…much worse.

Todd Vincent
Sebastian Duke has been around for some time in the XWF. He knows his way around that ring.

Jon Plex
Oh please, spare me the boring cliches that I had to force myself to listen to already. Oh I’m Sebastian Duke, when I’m not busy playing Game of Thrones in the future, I ramble on for what seems like forever about all my accolades in the XWF. Borrrrrring! Duke, you are old, it’s no surprise that you’ve managed to accomplish SOMETHING other than boring me to sleep. I really wish I had saved my back to the future idea for today so I could avoid you as well! The only thing you did right was spend most of your airtime, aside from rehousing the same old stories about what you’ve done and why you are the king of darkness, addressing me. See as much as you hate to admit it, you have the ability to see perfection when it’s standing right in front of you. Call it a parting gift from all your years of service in the ring. You can spend all day, night, year 2514 and it will never matter. Your time has come and gone and now you’re just along for the ride. I expect you’ll respond with something like, “King of darkness, souls, graves, destruction, something in latin, I pinned Jesus,” so please do me and the world a favor and just spare us.

Todd Vincent
I want to apologize for making you watch those promos Jon. I mean it did cure your insomnia, but at what cost? WHAT COST DAMMIT!?

Jon Plex
There, there Todd! We all make mistakes sometimes. Just ask Genesis.

Todd Vincent
Yes the XWF just signed him… what could he have possibly had to offer to the table?

Jon Plex
Oh believe me, plenty! Another idiot with a boring gimmick who spends a majority of his time around funerals and grave yards under the illusion that it builds suspense and adds a touch of seriousness to his persona. GIVE ME A BREAK! When will people stop ripping off every other character in the book? He gives an assumption about me, then says he doesn’t know anything about me. I feel like I must still be asleep and this is just some terrible, never-ending nightmare! Oh the horror! He is the beginning Todd! THE BEGINNING! What are we going to to!? I’ll tell you Todd. I’m going to do what Genesis suspected I would do, not listen. I’m just going to stop listening! Do you know why? Because it’s all been said before. Hell it was said by Wyatt and Duke, just at different times. You three are the definitions of repetitive. No wonder the XWF Universe is so ablaze with talks of me! I’m unlike anybody they have ever had the pleasure of cheering on. I bring something fresh and original to the ring! I feel so bad for all the fans who have had to deal with this stuff for so long, and with the arrival of Genesis, for even longer. Luckily for the fans, that is my sole purpose of coming to the XWF. To save them from the tired, mundane, week in and week out pieces of crap like Wyatt, Duke, and Genesis. This places needs a new face for the company. Someone to take that title back from the nWo and give it some real meaning once more. You three… you’re just wanna-be’s with personality disorders.

Todd Vincent
I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Jon Plex
To be honest, I’m tired of talking. It’s unlike me to go on such a rant, but after that good night’s rest, I was feeling energized.

Todd Vincent
Well at least we know how to get you asleep if this problem ever arises again.

Jon Plex
Now if we could just solve this rubik’s cube!

That’s right, Jon Plex now randomly has a rubies’ cube. Todd and Plex begin arguing about which way to turn it next as our time draws to an end. Until we meet again, all hail Plex!

#moreplexplease

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