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JonPlex · (04-16-2014)

Welcome back. When we last met, our hero Jon Plex, was finishing up his debut introduction to the world of XWF. Surely by now people were starting to quickly take notice. The “twitterverse” was all abuzz about this odd, but strangely enjoyable new personality. #moreplexplease had been trending for the past few hours. During this time, Plex and his associate Todd Vincent had indeed helped themselves to a wonderfully delicious meal at the Waffle House and were just returning to their motel. They seem to be arguing about something.

Todd Vincent
It’s irrelevant!

Jon Plex
You just can’t admit that I am right!

Todd Vincent
What would it matter!? It shouldn’t alter how you prepare any differently than before!

Jon Plex
It changes....

Plex turns towards the camera and holds up a bottle of Mio

Jon Plex
Everything!

Todd Vincent
Really? Product placement? Is there any level you will not stoop to?

Jon Plex
Who doesn’t love flavored water? I’m pretty sure it’s one of the 10 commandments. Thou shall flavor thy water.

Todd Vincent
If you are done blaspheming, I’d like to return back to the topic at hand.

Jon Plex
Look, I simply cannot compete against the poetic stylings of Dr.Seuss! The man is a comedy genius and master wordsmith!

Todd Vincent
For the last time, Tyrant EX is not Dr.Seuss!

Jon Plex
Um, I’m not sure what you were watching earlier, but what I saw was some vintage Dr.Seuss rhymes Todd.

Todd Vincent
The guy belts out a some subpar poetry, most of which made no sense nor rhymed and suddenly you conjure up in your idiotic mind that he is the legendary Dr.Seuss!?

Jon Plex
Ok let’s say he isn’t Dr.Seuss.

Todd Vincent
Ok

Jon Plex
ARE YOU CRAZY!? WHY WOULD WE SAY THAT? HE IS CLEARLY DR.SEUSS!

Todd Vincent
Jesus! Calm the hell down man! Ok, let’s just, for time saving sake, assume he is who you think he is. What now?

Jon Plex
Well I haven’t thought that far ahead yet to be honest. I’ve just kind of been starstruck to be quite honest with you. I mean... THE Dr.Seuss... I feel like a kid again.

Todd Vincent
So what’s the game plan?

Jon Plex
Well first off we need to find a library that is open and check out some of his greatest works. I’m talking “The Lorax”, “Horton Hears a Who”, hell even “The Cat in the Hat”!

Todd Vincent
So we check out a few children’s book about nonsensical tales of adventure and this helps us how?

Jon Plex
Oh Todd I have much to teach you! To understand the mind of our opponent, we must first get inside their mind. See Tyrant, aka Dr.Seuss, has committed a cardinal sin! He has shown his hand too early!

Todd Vincent
Go on...

Jon Plex
You see, he has nothing on me at this point. Sure he can guess until his heart’s contempt, but it’s all merely speculation. He can rhyme my name with a few less-than-friendly adjectives about how he plans on treating me at Warfare, but that’s all talk. I, however, now possess the upper hand! Now that I have uncovered his true identity, I can thoroughly research and learn everything about him. I will be able to predict his every move, his every thought almost before he even thinks it himself! It’s perfect!

Todd Vincent
You’ve concluded all this by simply believing that he is Dr.Seuss.

Jon Plex
I know it’s hard for someone with such a narrow view of the world, such as yourself, to comprehend, but trust me. This is my area of expertise.

Todd Vincent
I won’t argue with you there. Making absolutely no fucking sense at all seem to be your niche.

Jon Plex
Aww! I think I’m gonna cry Toddy!

Todd Vincent
I’d rather you not.

Jon Plex
Just trust me bro! I know he’s Dr.Seuss! No one else could write such incoherent ramblings and nonsense in poetic fashion like that. I mean if it wasn’t Dr.Seuss than the guy needs to forget wrestling because he has an illustrious career in children’s books just waiting beyond the horizon. Those words he spoke were truly some elementary pulitzer prize winning rhymes!

Todd Vincent
I think for a change, you are actually making some sense. My apologies for doubting you earlier buddy.

Jon Plex
No apologies needed old friend. Just let me watch a scary movie before we go to bed.

Todd Vincent
The hell you say! I haven’t forgotten the last time I let you watch a horror movie before bed.

Jon Plex
Whaaaattt!? It wasn’t that bad!

Todd Vincent
We were somehow sucked into the world of Michael Myers and were almost killed by that psychopath! I got stabbed 7 times while you were trying to make out with Jamie Lee Curtis!

Jon Plex
Ohh Jamie Lee... we had some good times. I never forgave her for “Freaky Friday” though.

Todd Vincent
7 TIMES!

Jon Plex
Oh don’t be so melodramatic! We eventually escaped and Michael Myers was killed. I swear you love making mountains out of mole hills.

Todd Vincent
They never found his body.

Jon Plex
Well then that’ll make for an interesting Halloween promo if we make it that long in the XWF.

Todd Vincent
Well if the talent pool isn’t any deeper than what you got with Tyrant EX, then it should be no problem. I don’t understand this guy one bit. While I was doing my research on him, he came off as your typical “Oh look at me I’m evil and sadistic and into really weird ways to talk about inflicting punishment on you” kind of guy. Then he releases that poem. I get the feeling he was intimidated by our little spiel earlier in the day and tried to mimic us.

Jon Plex
Why would he do that?

Todd Vincent
Honestly... I sense jealousy. I think he was unhappy with his previous comments about you and tried to come in from a different angle. He tried to be clever and humorous much like our bit. Too bad it reeks of desperation.

Jon Plex
I’m sticking with the Dr.Seuss diagnosis. I think we awoke a sleeping poet and are in for a rude awakening.

Todd Vincent
Luckily for us your predictions are almost always the most bat shit absurd correlations to what is actually happening.

Jon Plex
:(

Todd Vincent
We really need to be getting some sleep. You got a big night tomorrow. Seeing as how you’ve managed once again to drag me into your mess, it’s only fitting I make sure you are well rested and prepared.

Jon Plex
Can I share my poem I wrote at Waffle House before we go? It's all serious and deep, but severely under toned with sarcasm and mockery in response to his attempt to astray from his persona into my realm.

Todd Vincent
I don’t see why not. There is no way in hell it’s worse than what Tyrant EX put out earlier. Turn the light off when you’re done.

Jon Plex
Ok... ahem... Tyrant EX, a man of many words. Your poem went over my head like a flock of birds. It wasn’t my comprehension, it did not confuse. I know it meant to be funny and yet it did not amuse. There is no shame in trying, an A for effort you shall receive. All good things come to those who wait, especially if you believe. I believe in karma, you tried to jack my style. Now you’ll pay the ultimate price, I am quite the guile. I won’t take any more time, enough has been said. I’m glad you’re comfortable with graves, at Warfare your ass is dead.

Plex stares solemnly into the camera as he slowly reaches over and turns off the lamp, filling the room with darkness... THEN he cuts on the television!

Television
Girls Gone Wild! See these sexy sorority girls bare all during spring break!

Todd Vincent
Jon!

Jon Plex
What!? I couldn’t end a promo like that! It’s too cliche and creepy! Fade to blackkkkk ughhhh seriously?!

Television
Hi I’m Lauren and I just turned 18. I wanna show you everything and then some!

Jon Plex
Now we’re talking!

What will happen tomorrow night on Warfare? Plex and Tyrant EX have exchanged some heated words leading into their first meeting with each other. Does this have the makings of a ratings raising rivalry or will one of these men simply become a stepping stone for the other’s road to glory?

Jon Plex
I don’t pay you to be bi-partial!

All hail Jon Plex! Until we meet again.

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