Please Login or Register to get full access to the forums.

Lost Password?
Current time: 05-02-2024, 01:11 AM (time should display as Pacific time zone; please contact Admin if it appears to be wrong)                                                                


X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
He talks shit
Author Message
SwagMire
Guest



XWF FanBase:
(.Awaiting user update)


#1
03-31-2014, 10:34 PM

"Ok, so I decided that since Enigma is my opponent in the final chamber I can spend some time dissing his shiny metal ass. Suck it, Bender, Futurama sucked. Anyway, I'm straying from my point, we all know Futurama is a terrible show, the point is that now I actually have to force myself to look at Enigma's promos and examine them. To prepare myself for this long, boring, and rather tedious work I've decided to shoot myself in the foot early on in the game. Hopefully the pain will cause me to pass out before too much time passes. At the point I pass out, that is the point where we know Enigma needs to stop. Are we clear? Good. Let's do this."

Swagmire pulls out his Sig Sauer P226, cocks it, aims it at his foot, and pulls the trigger. Just to be safe, he does it to the other foot as well.

"Ok, now that we're properly prepared, let's begin."

Quote:Things around the Compound have been very different since Sebastian and Mr. Supernova took it upon themselves to screw with the space time continuum. As far as I can tell the only real drawback to all of this, if you can even call it that, was the discovery of a time vortex in the crib of my nephew, Sebastian’s son, Thaddeus. Don't get me wrong, I love my nephew, he's a great kid but screaming babies that are up all hours of the night, it get's old, fast. From what Jake has told me, he approximates that Thaddeus is somewhere in the future, several hundred years in the future. That's not to say he is several hundreds years old however, just that there is a significant chance that he is older.

As for Caitlyn, she has been a bit of a wreck. Which I can understand, a mothers love is, well, a mothers love. But I am confident as I am sure she is that Sebastian will bring her son back to her. Caitlyn was very reluctant at first to accept me as a brother in law which was while I understood it, was a bit frustrating. However, after a few months she has begun opening up to me more and more each day. She has even helped me to understand Sebastian a bit better as she has shared details about Sebastian’s life, things he had not told me and probably never would have. Perhaps one day I will use some of this information when I am in the middle of a heated debate with my older brother. Perhaps not, though the look on his face when I bring up some of his more embarrassing moments would make it all worth it.

Another thing that has had the compound abuzz is the return of Caroline Martin, my mother to Sebastian and I's fathers life. Many people have known the pain of having to live with the memory of “the one that got away”, very few have been able to get them back. My father is fortunate to have been able to do just that. How very fortunate he is.

"Ok, what? I mean, honestly. What? Let's focus on a key phrases that don't make any goddamn sense. 'My mother to Sebastian and I's life.' Where does this make any sense at all? What does it friggen mean? Care to explain? And while you explain that one, please explain this one to me. 'But I am confident as I am sure she is that Sebastian' That one is a bit of a mindfuck as well. You're as confident as you are sure she is? Do you understand how English works? Because I don't think you do. Just these two sentences I used kind of show that. It's ok, space man, not everyone can make sense. Just be calm, Gilmour 2.0, you'll be fine if you keep digressing and hop off Duke's dick."

Quote:“And what if she decides that she is not fit for this life, much like you believed others to be when you conspired to end their life.”

"Is there a question there? Because it starts out with one, then ends up elsewhere. Good times, huh? I'm losing a lot of blood here, I might pass out soon. Let's move on to a different promo. One less boring.


I'm not going to show clips from your promo titled "Trios" it's too long. I will say, before I mock, that I applaud your misdirection skills, you had me guessing for a minute. That being said, this is probably one of your more boring works. I'm sorry, but you basically spent this entire promo stroking your brother's dick. That part is getting a little tiresome. We get it, you think the world of your brother, but guess what. He's not as good as you think, he would have lost the Trios titles faster than Callaway lost her virginity. And no, no one is scared of you. You'd be too busy with Duke's cock in your mouth to do anything. Moving on. We'll do the 'Preparation' one, seeing as how it's standalone I may not die before finishing. I am losing a lot of blood here.

Quote:From the moment I put pen to paper and became a member of the XWF I let it be known that my goal was first, to win the X-treme Championship, a feat I accomplished in my third XWF match. Against a guy who supposedly never loses. Of course, we all know how true that is. My next goal was to bring the X-treme title back to the prominence it once had while being held by legends like John Madison and my brother Sebastian and not the joke it had become of late.

"Both men you mentioned were buried in shit by people they thought they were better than. Sure, Duke did win us the PPV, but he then proceeded to get buried by a man I eliminated. And Maddy, well, we'll see how highly we can speak of him come Thursday morning. But, either way, you're not helping bring the title back to glory. How many times have you defended it since you won it? Glorious champs defend it and prove they deserve it through victory. You're a paper champ just like the claims that haunted Davids, and Morbid. Good job, buddy."

Quote:In less than a weeks time my title will be on the line as I take part in an X-treme Elimination Chamber Match. The prize; is the United State’s Championship.

"Um, this statement is confusing to me. Your title is on the line, but the prize is Lucena's title? Nigga, you know you're not Lucena, right? Well, you might be. I dunno what you look like under that mask. That'd be odd, but would make sense. Seeing as how you're both bothersome rats whose work I have to force myself to watch.:

Quote:From hired gun to worst nightmare, now the crown is all but assured to be brought back to where it belongs, The Black Circle
"No one is afraid of you, or Duke. No one. Scorp has a better chance of beating Theo than Duke. Duke can't even beat Griffin. Sorry."

Quote:Go ahead Theo spend some time talking about me in your next promo only to duck my challenge if and when I ever get around to wasting my time on your no talent ass.

"Pretty sure you'd lose to Theo. Even if you had Duke on your side. It's just how it works. Maddy is better than Duke, Theo is better than Maddy. Let's use some Math here, math properties, that is. Theo is better than Duke. It's why Duke has no belt, and no crown."

Quote:“I understand that but look at who it is? A black man who hates other black men and has a brother that is a white midget. Talk about fit for Jerry Springer. Then you have a guy with a mustache that would make Ron Jeremy jealous. After that you have Mandii Rider, I suppose she's done a thing or two in her short time here, she did just pin your new best friend Mr. Supernova at World War X. Then you have the guy who wakes up everyday crying over the fact that he isn't Mr.Supernova and lastly you have the current United States Champion. A hispanic guy whose struggles with the English language are rivaled only by Peter Gilmour."

"So, your summary of me is that I'm black, and my brother is a midget? What amazing skills you have. How about that your buddy in the black circle almost got raped by Frodo, and that he also failed to kill Frodo? Freddie did return from the grave. How about how I took out Lazarus, and the man who buried your brother in feces? How about how I was one of the people who kept people off your brother as he choked out Helios? Or how I'm the current Ark of the Covenant Champion? Yeah, your skills need tuning, homie. Oh no, a Hank Lane joke? The best he can muster. Sad. And Radio has held your tile before, for a 49 days. That's pretty solid work. Mandii? Well, I've said enough about her. Don't worry, though. After I eliminate you, you can study up on us more. Look, I'm about to pass out from your shitty promos. Night guys. Aldous, take me to the hospital."


Swagmire passed out.
Edit




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)