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The Enigma · **04-01-2014, 03:00 AM**

"So here we are. Days away from one of the biggest Warfare’s in recent memory."

"The Black Circle, represented by my brother Sebastian Duke, John Madison and NAZI will be taking part in a 5 team Trios Title match. When the final bell rings The Black Circle will reign supreme. That’s not arrogance, that is just telling it like it is. Look at their opponents? The Wild Cards? Maybe they stand a chance. And by maybe I mean they have a 5% chance of winning. That is not math, that is science. I could go into a long explanation but judging by the mental competency of most of this federation it would just fly over their heads."

"So instead, let us talk about something a little easier to grasp. The X-treme Elimination Chamber match. Where not only will the United State’s Championship will be on the line, but so too will my X-treme Championship. That’s right. One lucky fella, or big breasted blonde will have the chance to walk out of that match with not one but two XWF title belts."

"Spoiler alert."

"Cheat Lucena will not be walking out of that match as a double champion."

"SwagMire Swagging’s will not be struttin his way out of that match as a double champ."

"Hank Lane in all of his moustache glory will not be walking out of that match as a double champion."

"Mr. Radio, yeah…you know how that is going to go."

"And Mandii Rider, the female that opened people’s eyes with what she managed to do at World War X? Yeah she has a chance to walk out of this match as a double champion."

"And then I will show up and out the window that chance goes."

"That is not arrogance. That is the cold, hard truth."

"But you probably do not want to hear that right? That is what Mandii will tell you. That people by and large do not want to hear the truth. They want to hear what will make them feel better. She is probably right there."

"Now do not get me wrong, Mandii is actually the only legitamate opponent in this entire match, the only person who might, I said might, give me some pause but Mandii suffers from a serious problem. And no, it’s not her substantial rack, which, while we are on the subject will probably cause some back problems in the years to come. Be careful Mandii I would hate to see your single breast, I mean best asset become a weakness."

"But we are not here to talk about boobs, hi Radio. We are here to talk about Mandii’s weakness, and that is that she spends the vast majority of her time off in her own little world with vampires and sea nymphos and love stories, oh my. Focus Mandii. Focus on the task at hand. You could become something special. You could, dare I say it, become a legitimate threat in this business instead of an act associated with lesser known talent like Zak Misery and one of the Callaways. Pardon my memory, I cannot for the life of me remember which one it is. Not that it really matters anyway. They are both useless and unworthy of your time and effort. "

"There is a reason I won the X-treme title in my 3rd match."

"There is a reason I still hold the X-treme title 4 weeks later."

"There is a reason I walked into the Winter Series Rumble, took out two victims and then walked away."

"It is because I cannot be beat. And I am not talking about a ridiculous tag line like Hashtag Victory Forever."

"I am talking about dominance. The kind of dominance that I have put on display since the second I walked through the doors of the XWF."

"The kind of dominance that the Duke family has been known for throughout history."

"Sebastian has dominated and continues to dominate the XWF. Did you see what he did at the latest Pay Per View?"

"Ambrose Helios is still trying to recover from the beating he took at the hands of The King of Darkness."

"Do not be embarrassed Ambrose. You were just the latest in a long line of victims to fall at the feet of the one true King of the XWF."

"I see you Theo Pryce."

"Clock is ticking. Can you hear? It’s getting louder and louder with every breath you draw."

"You may have thought that adding Sebastian to your team for the Pay Per View was a master stroke, and for a short time it may have been."

"But now."

"Now it will be your undoing."

"Don’t say I did not warn you."

"Tick tock Mr. Pryce."

"Tick tock goes the clock."

"But now back to business."

"The United States slash X-Treme Championship Chamber Match."

"Five men and one woman, well, four men and two women, will walk in, only one will walk out with two pieces of hardware."

"I will let you decide who that second woman is. It is should be pretty obvious to anyone who has been paying attention."

"I have talked about Mandii already, and I don’t want my other opponents to think I am thumbing my nose up at them, not that they could see me do so with this mask on. But for the sake of being fair let’s take a few moments to talk about the other bodies that will suffer by my hand."

"SwagMire Swaggins, one of the only two people in the World War X Pay Per View that managed to last all the way through from round two to the end. I suppose you are making your rounds, telling all your crack head friends slinging rock on the corners how integral you were in helping Team Theo secure the victory. Except swap out integral with a word that common street thugs might understand. I hear you are going to be the first person to enter the ring in this match. I do hope you manage to show some of that elusiveness that you showed in the PPV so that you and I can come face to face on Wednesday night. It would be a real shame if you were already eliminated before I step into the ring."

"But that aside, lets address the medium sized monkey in the room, that's you SwagMire, in case actual humor was lost on you. It seems that the only kind of humor you understand is the brand you try so hard to force down everyone's throat. You are as funny as your brother, which is to say not funny at all. But at least he knows a thing or two about wrestling, what do you know? When have I defended the X-title you ask? Did you hit your head when I rolled you down the hallway the other week during your failed pin attempt? What do you call that SwagMire? If not a defense then what? This title is on the line. The GM gave me the option of this match being just for the United States title, an option I could have taken, an option Steve Davids took in his match vs Morbid Angel but I am not Steve Davids. I told Archie Lawson that this title would be on the line along with the United States title. Feel free to verify that with him. Or don't, it's not like you have a chance at winning either of them anyway."

"So you eliminated Griffin MacAlister? That makes you special does it? It's truly not hard to eliminate someone in a rumble type setting, people are less useful have eliminated wrestlers with far more talent than Griffin MacAlister for decades now. Hell, even Radio could probably eliminate someone in a rumble, maybe not though."

"How about my buddy in the Black Circle almost got raped? Since when does almost matter for anything? SwagMire almost made sense. Radio almost beat Lucena, Frodo almost did this, SwagMire almost did that. But at the end of the day neither of you have done anything of consequence. Have either of you sired children? I certainly hope not because the world would be a better place if your families pathetic blood line ended with the two of you."

"Oh and one last thing SwagMire, you are a black man, you claim to dislike other black men, and yet you use terms like Nigga whenever you feel like it. Now we all know that being a white man and saying that word is tantamount to committing a hate crime. Just ask Peter Gilmour. And we also know that black folk can use that work as other as they use the word hoe, but what happens when a black man who hates other black men uses it? Does that make you a racist or a hypocrite? Ponder that for me will you please?"

"Next up we have the man, the myth, the moustache, Hank Lane. This guy is a poor man’s Hollywood Hogan. Wait, I probably should not say that name out loud or the NWO might come after me. That is their thing is it not? Attacking people? Go ahead NWO come after me, see where it gets you. But back to the poor man’s Hogan. Hank quote Thunder unquote Lane. Dig the hair bro. I bet you make all the ladies cream when you hand out those world renowned mustache rides. But don’t let Frodo Smackins hear about those or that little fella will be barking down your door like some crazy ex trying to get back the cd’s she left at your place. Oh and in case you didn’t know, Frodo and SwagMire are brothers. I know, I know, one is white and the other is black…does that not just blow your mind? I know I was taken aback for a minute. Then I finished making my collard greens and corn bread."

"Next up Mr. Radio, a quick look over the XWF record books and I see that this guy held the X-treme title. Remember when I told you all a tale about how the X-Treme title had become a running joke? Ladies and Gentlemen Exhibit A."

"Mr. Radio."

"Now let's examine some of the names that have held this illustrious X-Treme title before."

Griffin MacAlister
John Madison
Mark Flynn
Sid Feder
Mr. Supernova
Angelus
Unknown Soldier
Sebastian Duke
Mr. Radio

"One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just does not belong."

"Mr. Radio you had a chance, a real chance at something great. Theo Pryce, for reasons that I can only assume were the result of him being back on drugs, he put you in a round one match with Cheat Lucena, a chance to not only give Team Pryce a leg up on the competition but also a chance to win the United States title. And as you are so prone to do, you blew it. Perhaps Theo thought to himself, hey self, if I put my teams single biggest weakness in a one on one match where he will not get his shit blown up, he might, might serve a purpose. Theo knew, like anyone who has ever watched one of your matches knows that if you were put in a situation where you had to pay attention to more than one wrestler at a time your eyes would spin like radio dials. So you were given the gift of a one on one match and what did you do? You lost. You do that a lot. It happens. We are all known for something. For me, it’s my mask. For you, your inability to do your job. Buck up Radio. Maybe next time. Not this time, but maybe next time."

"Oh and before I move onto the man of the hour, the champ, I would like to ask you Radio, you mentioned that the reason I hold this title, which, is one the line by the way in case their was any confusion, but you mentioned that I get to hold this title because I am good friends with Paul Heyman. That's a very, very interesting theory. Now, if you could, before I destroy you in the ring tomorrow you cum guzzling gutterslut, please show me one, just one, piece of evidence that supports your claim. Please. I beg you. I have never, ever spoken to Paul Heyman, not once, in the entire time I have been here. In fact, the only person you could say I am friends with is Sebastian Duke, and NO ONE would ever confuse the two. Not even someone who has clearly gone off the deep end like yourself. Maybe if you spent more time preparing for matches and less time at the coffee shop you might win one of them. Probably not though."

"And that brings us to the current United States Champion. Cheat Lucena. The Spanglish Speaking wizard of words. I have to hand it to you cheat. As a wrestler you are garbage, but as a guy who has to cut promos you are top notch. I really mean that. There have been times, even fairly recently where I have forgone some of my favorite comedy movies instead opting to watch one of your promos. This is not me poking fun at you. Your promos honestly crack me up. Whether it’s your unintended butchery of our great language or just some of your phrases they make me laugh out loud. LOL, that is what those crazy kids say these days right? Your videos make me L-O-L. Thank you for that. In fact, I am going to go and watch some of your recent promos from World War X, that stuff was pure comedic gold. A gift from God if you will. Great work Cheat. I hope you have enjoyed your short foray into fame because your peg legged friend Sid Feder will not be around to hand you a victory this time."

"And Cheat, since this entire promo is me stepping out of my comfort zone allow me to take it one step further and present you this gift, in your honor."

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