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Clean Lucena · (03-11-2014)

... continuing!

- the equipment is installed, and a big cam is focusing on the image of some kind of desert, where Cheat and Biographer takes the center of the stage, with two baffles next to them, and Cheat is holding a microphone, everything is ready for the promo -

[Image: 400_F_25194867_NQwriWbqtYfmzer7bK1NJBTtcaXDlaVz.jpg]

Cheat Lucena: Is everything ready?

The Biographer: Yes, it is...

Cheat Lucena: Ok... then... LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF!

The Biographer: There is nobody...

Cheat Lucena: Shut the hell up stupid, LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF. My name is Cheat Lucena and I'm the WORST IN THE WORLD. I'm a wrestler and wrestlers cut promos. During my stance at my new company, Xtreme Wrestling Federation, I had challenges that didn't need any kind of help or extra power because I'm pretty good in what I do, but this is the first PPV I've being in my life, World War, good vs evil, I need an extra power and I expected this to scary, dirty village, a place where people from different places conspire to returns with zombie horses with the aim of destroy the world would give me that extra, but I've been passing lot of difficulties during my life and, being honest, this is the least frightening place I have been in my entire life. How that sounds, dirty, old, grumpy ghosts from Death Valley? - he makes a gesture like waiting for the heat, but obviously, nothing happens - In all my life of profesional wrestling and stand-up comedian I haven't seen such a soundless crowd as we have tonight - exactly the same, he waits for the heat but nothing happens - let's see... LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING TO each and everyone of you! I don't believe on these things, I don't believe in ghosts, I don't believe in souls walking like they have something to do after some longs and dishonorable lifes, but I saw one day Criss Angel at the TV and he looks like the freaking, fucking Lucifer compared to you. Things get worse when I realize that he's only a gay guy that likes to do cool things for other gay guys who expect to get his annus open with his magic, but they find late to realize that, when they're on his bed, they check everything is part of a TV show and they get their holes destroyed without any chance of dilate before he enters on you. That's the kind of person that I find more frightening than you. If there is anything we can call "magic" or "supernatural" in this world, I ensure you that little gay guy is over you, how that sounds!

- Cheat spin with his arms up like waiting for any kind of reaction from a desert, when he realize he's not taking any kind of heat, because nobody is there, he makes a gesture to the Biographer like "pal, nothing happens" -

The Biographer: What did you expect? We're in a wasteland, nobody is here. By the way, do you really want me to write this on the book?

- Cheat don't pay any attention to Bio, takes something from his blazer, a pen and start to write/draw something, and he make the cam focus on what we can think is the Gadafi's picture, but with some additional modifications -

Cheat Lucena: Talking about raped guys, what a dissapoinment thatsomeone as important as the guy that is on my picture, Muammar El Gadafi andhis soul or whatever portion of him that remains on this world waiting to be called, does nothing. - now, Cheat points to the camara, like talking to someone that is in the locker - You, Gadafi. You're one of the greatest man in the history for me. The fuck, you're what some people call "retreat" hero, look - the image shows a thinking Cheat moving, like explaining the situation - In history, there is victory and retreat heroes. Victory heroes are pretty simple, arrive, destroy the fuck out of everything, and conquer. But retreat heroes are such more complex concept. They test the air, and move into their direction to take the most accurate decision, progress and survive. It's easy. You weren't annoying enough for most of the big countries so they keep you as an ally. Bush arrived, you pin him with your charm, one two three. The king of Spain and the president of the moment, handicap match, you pin both, one two three. Well, maybe that was a draw, you gave cheap oil and we present to you a white horse. But you test the situations, with strategy, and take the way that was more accurate to reach your purposes... You were on streak! you were just like me! And meanwhile taking some non-important dirty pins on your own territory, well, you know, that's what made you a Dark Lord. C'mon, you know what I mean, barrage your own capital, kill traitors that the only thing they wanted is a bit of justice there... You're one of the biggest and more powerful evil men ever, a glorious retrait hero and one of the guys that inspired me to wrestle like an evil asshole and now... - dramatic challenge moment - you're such a pussy that have his annus so open after his execution and rape that can't accept my challenge. Because that's what I'm doing,

I challenge you, Muammar El Gadafi to a match, one on one, right here, RIGHT NOW!

- after a three seconds dramatic pause, it looks like Cheat will end his speech -

Cheat Lucena: And, If I beat you, you will be on my corner at World War X-Treme giving all your dark power to me! so come here and face me off!

- obviously nothing happens for some seconds. The cam records the air, moving. Cheat is taking a glance at a electric post. The Biographer talks -

The Biographer: You challenge a dead m...

- Cheat still looking at the post like an asshole, like it looks like is menacing him or something, when some kind of theme song hits the ambient -

Cheat Lucena: HERE IT COMES!

...

- The Biographer takes out his mobile phone from his blazer and turn it off -

The Biographer: ... Sorry

Cheat Lucena: You're such an ASSHOLE! What if you scared him. How do you want this to work with such an asshole as you working around!

The Biographer: Ernesto! please! This is ridiculous!

Cheat Lucena: Okey, okey, relax... whoa, I'm getting nervous with that electric post taking over the place like it thinks he's the big guy.

The Biographer: You mean... that?

[Image: electrical-post-transformer-4830021.jpg]

Cheat Lucena: Umm.... whatever, let's do this, okey? Last chance, one more Dark Lord and the handicap match is set up...

The Biographer: Asians! I hate them!

Cheat Lucena: You right. This is the next man...

Cheat Lucena: YOU! Kim Jong IL! If you really weren't a communist tyrant that really wants the good for your people, and even better, for all the asian people, you would tell them to OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES. You're the worst of the worst. You have been giving beatdown after matches, killing people, you were also on streak, squashing everything around and not letting anyone to enter in your ring!, you make me look like Jesuscrist! and... - Cheat looks at the electric post and get a bit nervious - aaaand... I mean, YOUR ASIAN COCKS ARE SHORTER THAN YOUR NAMES! Kim! Jong! Il! Which kind of stupid name is that? Do you have a hang up? Try taking a longer name, open eyes and maybe your cock will grow enough so you can fuck your girls better than inseminate them like pigs! And why three names? It wasn't enough with "Keith"? do you have any triple personality like the guy I already pin, WEAPON:Ashen? - he looks again at the post getting more nervious for the moment, like getting lost with his speech and just throwing random insults - YO MAMMA IS SO YELLOW THAT THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY IN THE WORLD WE CAN CHECK IF SHE HAVE ANY KIND OF ALCOHOLIC PROBLEM BRO! You know, drowned livers make people turn yellow, yeah I needed to explain it and... - he looks almost frightened by the post, but he try to get over it, looking at the camara and getting dramatic- I CHALLENGE YOU FOR YOUR POWERS KIM! and if you two are too scared to face me one on one you can do it together...

I CHALLENGE YOU, KIM JONG AND MUAMMAR, TO A HANDICAP MATCH FOR YOUR DARK POWERS, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!

If I beat you, and I would walk to World War Xtreme as the darkest of the dark, the dark guy redefined, Cheat "The Worst In the World" Kim Gaddafi el Luc...

- Cheat looks like he's been interrupted by some kind of interaction with the post, throw violently the micro to the floor, and shout -

Cheat Lucena: IT'S THEM! THAT ELECTRIC POST IT'S GADAFI AND KIM JONG, I feel it!

The Biographer: WHAT? YOU'RE A FUCKING DEMENTED!

Cheat Lucena: Let's destroy them!

- Cheat walks slowly to the post meanwhile a histeric and loud Biographer follows him -

It will continue

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Promo on The Dark Lords!: Ep2
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