So, I was talking to someone on skype, and they mentioned it was their birthday soon. I offered to send an escort, and they declined on the basis of what if their mother caught them. That'd be one of the best stories ever. Period.

So, now I want to know your best story. I'll go first:

I was at the mall with Morbid Angel, his sister, and 3 of her friends I have not met before, except Dawn. Screw her. Anyway, I had just broken up with my EX, the crazy bitch, turns out she was on coke. Anyway, so she was a trained piercer and gave me a particular piercing. I won't say where, but let's say it's one I sort of regret. Anyway, my mother's best friend is a 26 year old girl who works with her, and this girl's fiance (now ex husband) heard about my piercing and came up to give me a hug for having said piercing. And he announced why he was hugging me to everyone. And Jake's sister was pregnant with my god daughter at the time.

Now you.

All My Wins!


Hank Lane
Ezekiel
Dimallisher
caliban
Levi Storm
Michael McBride
Mandii Rider
Mastermind/Jasmine
Matt Damon
Joey Hawkins
Mark Flynn
Maria Brink
Adam Cabana
Gary, of the Mafia Men
Vincent, of the Mafia Men
Randalf, of the Mafia Men
Zak Misery
Ariel Knight
He's not really a knight
More like a walking vagina.
Michael McBride, again.
Vinnie Lane
Mastermind, again
Gator
Ezekiel, again.
Ghost Tank
Aerial Knight, twice.
Justin Sane
Jack. TP Mummy!
Steve Kesslar.
Woe
Joey Hawkins. I'm done with that bitch.
Ferrari Punk. Told ya.
Caroline O'Hara Burchill
Ally Callaway
Lane, again. That's three lanes on my list.
Ruben Mitchell. Pussy.
Shane
raYne
Goat faced bitch
CM Punk, the dickless pussy

For those who didn't hear me tell it on Skype....

When I first moved out I lived with two of my best friends and one of their girlfriends. This was a real party house, we were the only ones out of our group of friends that had their own place. So basically one second we'd be sitting there and the next there would be like 20 people there and an unplanned party would break out. Anyway this blonde girl starts coming around to the parties, best friends with my friend's girlfriend. We get to talking, one night end up making out she goes home but comes back the next day. We pretty much pick up where we left off until somebody asks us to go to the store for a beer run and we do. We get back and she says she left her purse in my car so I give her my keys, next thing I know her and my car are fucking gone. I end up having to call the cops to get my car back which didn't happen until about a week later. The cops then explained that the girl traded my car for cocaine and the guys she traded it to had used it in a robbery which explained why there was so much unused ammo in the glove box.




If it isn't that one it would have to be the time I got totally trashed, drank too much Caribou Lou and ended up spending the night in the bathtub. HOWEVER before that "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake came on and for some reason I surprised everybody at the party with the brain.



All while singing my cover of Sexy Back, "I Have a Sexy Sack".