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CM Punk · (02-11-2014)

"God is serenity. Peace, love, and warmth, and if you can't accept that, you're simply crazy,"

I pause and begin to ponder the workings of some people. To truly think that they can be saved by some belief as silly as something like, oh, I don't know, evolving from monkies.
Poor ignorants. I continue, "Why would anyone believe anyone but such simple truths? Ribs are delicious, and to be made from them is a privilege, not a right, silly women. Now get back to cooking, and watching your shows that make you feel better about your nothingness of a life."

I pause, catch my breath, and smile.
"Women really do have nothing going on, but if they did, us men, us important beings of society would have to not only provide, but do house work. Woman work. That's truly unacceptable. Truly a crime against the right ideals that the men had back in the early days, before women started thinking. Why allow such inferior beings to have thoughts? I always pondered why god would do such a thing.
And then it hit me. God is inferior, or at least has become inferior to the thoughts that travel through some of his own creations brains. That only applies to the male population, though, of course. We have free will, thinking, logic, and so much more. God intended for us to surpass him. And I think one of us finally did."

Breathing heavily, the crowd at the press conference begins to give me strange looks. One man begins to speak, but I cut him off. Thoughts from mortals are irrelevant.

"I am the savior, not sent nor chosen, but I have risen by my own intelligence and overcome my creator. It's a student turning on the teacher storyline and the student wins for once this time. Because I, ladies and slightly more important males, I, am the savior for our race. The one who can do no wrong and can lead us to a higher calling of immortality. Except.. why save those who serve no purpose other than scoring the highest score in flappy bird? You fools, you're equivalent to pie in the fact that eating you up is delicious, but releasing you is not so sweet.. It's almost as bitter as the human pie..
So when the human race starts to drown away.. don't cry to me. Swim at the shallow end of the shit storm you've created for your self, because I see clearly now, I am BETTER than god. and I will go to the deepest end and walk alone on the water, holding no hands and asking for no floaties as the shit moves to the shallow end. And when the god you've all worshipped fails you, and you cry out to me, 'Punk, please, pull us afloat.'
I'll look straight through you all and say but one thing. 'Drown in your own waste.'"

The podium microphone is cut off. CM Punk is escorted away, smiling at a crowd that seems to be lost about what they just saw.
A scuffle is heard between the guards that escored Punk away, and Punk himself.

"You're crazy!" one of them yells.

He whispers back calmly, "I'm the straight edge savior." A window shatters, and the red-hot sun begins to pierce through the building on the glass, and makes a sound similar to an egg cooking on a skillet.

Morbid Angel · **02-11-2014, 05:38 PM**

No GOD!

CM Punk · **02-11-2014, 05:41 PM**

I'm better than God
-SES

Morbid Angel · (02-11-2014)

Are you now?
Let me be the thorn in your crown!

Allow me to introduce myself...I am Morbid Angel! I can tell I want to fight you...just right now!...I have decided!

Wyatt Reynolds · (02-11-2014)

What... the fuck.... did I walk into?

Morbid Angel · **02-11-2014, 05:49 PM**

A Party...want to hang around?

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **02-11-2014, 05:58 PM**

you cant be better than the best

CharlotteDyson · (02-11-2014)

Charlotte steps out from behind Wyatt.

"Oh look, it's the straight edge joke."

CM Punk · (02-12-2014)

(02-11-2014, 05:45 PM)Morbid Angel Said: Are you now?
Let me be the thorn in your crown!

Allow me to introduce myself...I am Morbid Angel! I can tell I want to fight you...just right now!...I have decided!

If your wrestling is anything like your speaking skills or your decision making, it won't be a very long match.

Morbid Angel · (02-12-2014)

Well, that would probably be because I am Russian...so....obviously the match will be longer than you think! Considering that I speak 4 languages, went to medical school and fucked your sister! …..WHAT!!!!!! WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!!!

Yeah…I said that.

And just incase you didn’t get what I was saying…you seem kind of ignorant.

You said you were better than a god…I said let me be a thorn in your crown…like jesus? No? Jesus Christ? The head of the Christian faith!? Goddamn you are stupid!

Jessie-ica Diaz · (02-12-2014)

Oh, great. Yet another person claiming to be a god, or in this case, better than the established (presumably Christian, due to the lack of an Allah or Yahweh name drop, and those are the only three religions the world at large gives a damn about) god, hoping that no one remembers your lackluster at best performance the last time you were here. Were we supposed to just - forget all about how you were nothing but a schlep then and act like you're anything above that now?

If so, I refuse to buy into this act, this ruse, this facade.

Also, I must add, I will be providing evidence to the contrary of your claims each time you open your mouth to spew them. So go on, preach about being better than something that could very well not even exist. Be warned however, your utter lack of grounding in your wild, asinine conjectures will be prominently showcased for all to see.

Each failure of yours will be broadcasted louder than your pleas for attention.

You'll fall back to the Earth you inhabit with the rest of us, flat on your back, choking on your own unfounded words.

What then, Punk?

CM Punk · **02-13-2014, 12:38 PM**

(02-12-2014, 02:25 PM)Jessie-ica Diaz Said: Oh, great. Yet another person claiming to be a god, or in this case, better than the established (presumably Christian, due to the lack of an Allah or Yahweh name drop, and those are the only three religions the world at large gives a damn about) god, hoping that no one remembers your lackluster at best performance the last time you were here. Were we supposed to just - forget all about how you were nothing but a schlep then and act like you're anything above that now?

If so, I refuse to buy into this act, this ruse, this facade.

Also, I must add, I will be providing evidence to the contrary of your claims each time you open your mouth to spew them. So go on, preach about being better than something that could very well not even exist. Be warned however, your utter lack of grounding in your wild, asinine conjectures will be prominently showcased for all to see.

Each failure of yours will be broadcasted louder than your pleas for attention.

You'll fall back to the Earth you inhabit with the rest of us, flat on your back, choking on your own unfounded words.

What then, Punk?

I'll ask you to get me a drink. Woman.

Morbid Angel · **02-13-2014, 12:54 PM**

Not very punk like....

CM Punk · **02-13-2014, 01:00 PM**

Well, after my epiphany I realized I don't need to meet any expectations..
Only set them.

Kind of like you don't need to win all your matches.

Just pretend you've never lost one, bud. You seem to have got that down.

Jessie-ica Diaz · **02-13-2014, 01:43 PM**

(02-13-2014, 12:38 PM)CM Punk Said:
(02-12-2014, 02:25 PM)Jessie-ica Diaz Said: Oh, great. Yet another person claiming to be a god, or in this case, better than the established (presumably Christian, due to the lack of an Allah or Yahweh name drop, and those are the only three religions the world at large gives a damn about) god, hoping that no one remembers your lackluster at best performance the last time you were here. Were we supposed to just - forget all about how you were nothing but a schlep then and act like you're anything above that now?

If so, I refuse to buy into this act, this ruse, this facade.

Also, I must add, I will be providing evidence to the contrary of your claims each time you open your mouth to spew them. So go on, preach about being better than something that could very well not even exist. Be warned however, your utter lack of grounding in your wild, asinine conjectures will be prominently showcased for all to see.

Each failure of yours will be broadcasted louder than your pleas for attention.

You'll fall back to the Earth you inhabit with the rest of us, flat on your back, choking on your own unfounded words.

What then, Punk?

I'll ask you to get me a drink. Woman.

Dismantle the patriarchy, rabblerabblerabble. Now, are all the clichés out of your system or are am I going to need to showcase to all those who've come after the extent of your failures? Is that what you really want?

~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · **02-13-2014, 01:57 PM**

Punk, you shut the fuck up. Diaz is my best friend, and potential lover. You be nice to her or I'll smack you so hard you'll beg me to put my dick in your ass to stop the spinning.

Jessie-ica Diaz · **02-13-2014, 01:59 PM**

(02-13-2014, 01:57 PM)Frodo Smackins Said: Punk, you shut the fuck up. Diaz is my best friend, and potential lover. You be nice to her or I'll smack you so hard you'll beg me to put my dick in your ass to stop the spinning.

Who are you even?

~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · (02-13-2014)

Frodo, we bonded over love of Max Barry and a realization that Fight Club is vastly overrated. We were supposed to go camping, remember?

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