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~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · (02-08-2014)

Frodo was seated on the front porch of some random cabin somewhere in the middle of nowhere. He was rocking back and forth playing the ukulele wearing a shirt very similar to Magnum P.I. but not quite like it because that’d be awkward. He wasn’t about the awkward, if he was he’d change his name to Teen Titan because fuck Robin. Robin was by far the worst sidekick ever. Worse than that Chuck Norris movie. He was still wearing the same potato mask.

”Hello, Titan. We get to speak again, how lovely! First of all let me say, I am quite humorous, the problem is that your mask is too tight. It’s why you’re so angry all the time, maybe loosen it and jerk off a little. It’s ok to have some masturbatory time. We all need it. Mine is during the commercial breaks of my tv shows. That’s right, I stroke my member while watching Cosby. Who doesn’t? What about that show Theo did with Jason Alexander? Or the one Bud did with that psychic guy. I love those shows. Did you enjoy Step by Step? Cody was pretty hilarious. But I bet you would have preferred Allan’s Thicke on your face, if you get my meaning. You don’t, you like old man semen. I’ll spell it out clearly for you. You nuzzle dirty old man testicles.”

Now he was in the bathroom of this cabin shaving his testicles. Still masked

“This brings up to our next point you talk about me not having testicles. I have testicles, but the thing is Nova is an awesome opponent, and he’s basically this one armed unstoppable killing force of pent up gay alien vampire rage. Nazi, well I fought that dude hardcore and as you saw I busted his ass with a brick. Have you ever busted a dude with a brick? It’s quite fun. But then I suppose you’re the expert on testicles. You do enjoy them for breakfast, you great big red faced bitch. But hey, let’s keep talking about how I’m short and my boyfriend is a vampire.”

A masked Hobbit was now sitting on the sofa petting a cat. The owners of this cabin were not sure they owned a cat, but Frodo brought it with him.

“And can we address the elephant in the room. I’m not even sure boyfriend is the appropriate term for Zak to me, or me to him. Yeah, I don’t know what we’re labeling ourselves as yet. We’ve not really come up with a definition for us. It’s not really important, what is important is that we get to bump weenies and I love him. So, let’s move on from there. Let’s talk about your weird obsession with my sex life. Yes, it’s quite odd. Why do you care so much about where I put my penis? Do I put it somewhere that belongs to you? Are you really Zak? Are you Zak’s homophobic rage?”

He was now seated on the toilet, fully clothed, mask and all, acting as if he was defecating. He held a newspaper in both hands and acted as if he could somehow read through the potato mask.

“Tell me, Titan. Why have you taken such an interest in me in general? Is it your

lust for my tight little butt? You seem to know a lot about me, is it true love. Is my body in fact a wonderland? Do you want to swim in a sea of blankets? I want love, can we make it? Do we have the afternoon? I have a room for two. Will you use your hands? My body is a wonderland! Will you be my Elton, if I’m your Freddie? Can you take off your mask and let me see you? Let me slide down you?”

There was a little girl wearing a potato mask in the cabin and Frodo was sitting on her bed giving her what appeared to be fatherly advice before backhanding her and putting on Little Mermaid.

“Yeah, I lost to Gilmour, but dude beat me with a Kendo stick, have you ever been beat with a kendo stick? I’ll tell you, that’s not fun. Plus, I got arrested that night. That was definitely not fun, but whatever. I got out and ran off into the woods to fuck more sheep. So, you want to chastise me for losing a match? Maybe we should just relentlessly mock you when I beat you? I’ll throw a parade, place your face all broken and beaten on every XWF banner and put your picture on every urinal cake everywhere we go. Let the world piss on your face after I beat you. You fucking pussy.”

The pocket sized fighter was rummaging in the kitchen, still potato masked. He found a box of frozen hash browns and began to weep over them as if they were his lost children.

“You never did answer why you ran away when I originally challenged you. Were you too afraid to accept my challenge? You talk a good game, but deep down you’re nothing but a scared little girl. That’s actually a little odd of me to say after threatening to piss on you, but whatever. We’ll run with it. I’m curious though, how’d you know it was made for Disney movie references? Did you look them up? Were you so enthralled by my Alley Kats Strike joke you had to look it up to laugh? And I detest Channing Tatum. He’s a god awful actor, and a troll of a man to boot. Magic Mike was an abysmal movie, the only thing I can compare it to is getting your dick caught in a blender. Ever done that? You look like the kind of person who has done that. Did it hurt? I bet it did.”

Frodo began to dance around the cabin now wearing a Muumuu and singing sea shanties. It was that kind of a day. Potato mask still on head.

“I don’t even know why I’m bothering saying anything to you. Not like you’ll listen, all you’ll do is talk about how I ate Shane’s feces and how you’re so tough because you attacked a man from behind. You’re also pretty hung up on how you’re impressive because of some made up bullshit. It’s ok for you to not be impressive here, you’re new. Hell, you’re barely above JTC status. Don’t be sad little bumblebee. You might impress someone someday, but today is not that day. Anyway, I gotta go. I’m gonna go jerk on Nathaniel’s shit. Deuces.”

He was now walking through the cabin pouring gasoline all over the floor as he walked the entire layout of the house. The little girl was still sitting on the bed watching Little Mermaid. Frodo poured gasoline on her head. He covered his hash brown children in gasoline, and poured some all over everything as he made his way out of the house. Before stepping out he lit a match, and dropped it on the gasoline on the floor. As Frodo walked away the girl’s screams could be heard in the back ground. She wasn’t yelling in pain, just yelled out.

”Are.

You.

Waggle.

Baga?!”

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode I will laugh, trust me.
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