http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=868

OOC: Hi, folks. I'm Dean, new to the fed. Just wondering what anyone may have thought over my opening play. I realize it's an intro piece, but I just want to do the best I can to fit in.

Thanks.

Hey Dean...

Welcome to XWF.

First I have to say that your role play is a great debut and it should get you on the right track.

Secondly I would suggest adding more characters to your story and giving us a more in depth view of Chris Hartt's history and personality. Then just let the thoughts spill out on paper. I think that getting involved in the shows via segments and attacks will give you more to work with as the 'story' of XWF progresses and where your character stands in it.

I'm also going to tell you the same thing I tell everyone who asks for feedback.

Read and write as much as you can, even if you have to force it.

The only way to get better at this game and become a better writer is to practice it.

I also recommend reading as much as you can. Books, magazines, but most importantly Read all the RP's in the fed. This will help you become a better writer and also help you understand on what types of things the champions and veterans are doing to be successful.