Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Phillip Pagoda · **12-06-2014, 04:15 PM**

Welcome to the fourth edition of XWF's 'The Pagoda Report.' I am your host, Phillip Pagoda. Today we are discussing everything from Madness to Warfare to The X-Treme 25 which will rank everyone according to their performances at the past three events. Will you disagree with me? I'm sure you shall. Alas, this is according to my rubric. I also have an interview portion that will wrap up 'The Pagoda Report.' Now... let's get started shall we?

Universal Championship
Champion: Theo Pryce

1. John Samuels
2. Eli James IV
3. Peter Gilmour
4. Doctor Louis D'Ville
5. 'Loverboy' Vinnie Lane

--------------------------------------------------

World Tag Team Championship
Champions: ???, The Next Level Meta & Kendall Sawyer

1. 'An Unusual Alliace' - Mr. WG.WF & JACK
2. 'The Kings' - John Samuels & Theo Pryce
3. 'The Asylum' - Hysteria & Ghost Tank
4. 'Frosty Silence' - TJ Wallace & Jet Frost
5. 'The Doctor Knows Best' - Doctor Louis D'Ville & LH Harrison

--------------------------------------------------

X-Treme Championship
Champion: Doctor Louis D'Ville

1. Mastermind
2. Pest
3. Iris Oppenheimer
4. ???, The Next Level Meta
5. Bobby Zi

--------------------------------------------------

Television Championship
Champion: 'The Aerial Knight' Johnathan Heartsford

1. Maverick
2. Gator
3. Scully
4. Ghost Tank
5. Justin Sane

--------------------------------------------------

Trios Championship
Champion: 'The Three Kings' - Theo Pryce, John Samuels, & John Madison

1. 'The Corporation' - Scully, Swagmire, & Pest
2. 'The Asylum' - Hysteria, Ghost Tank, & Frodo Smackins
3. 'TrustInSanity' - Evertrust, Justin Sane, & Crimson Face
4. 'The Kliq' - Triple H, Shawn Michaels, & Diesel
5. 'Maverick & Friends' - Maverick, Leon Cage, Dustin Cage

--------------------------------------------------

The Prophetic Belt of The Almighty Higher Power Championship
Champion: Hysteria

1. TJ Wallace
2. Xavier Swann
3. JACK
4. Adrian Storms
5. Dwight Schrute

The X-Treme 25

1. John Samuels

2. Theo Pryce

3. Doctor Louis D’Ville

4. Azrael Erebus

5. John Madison

6. 'Loverboy' Vinnie Lane

7. Justin Sane

8. Pest/Mr. WG.WF

9. Frodo Smackins

10. Xavier Swann

11. Iris Oppenheimer

12. ‘The Aerial Knight’ Johnathan Heartsford

13. ???, The Next Level Meta

14. Peter Gilmour

15. Mastermind

16. TJ Wallace

17. Hysteria

18. Morbid Angel

19. Scully

20. Bobby Zi

21. Adrian Storms

22. Satoko

23. JACK

24. Maverick

25. Mickey Manson

Match of the Weeks

The Three Kings vs. The Asylum

Wrestler of the Weeks

John Samuels

Promo of the Weeks

"This Is What Could Go Wrong" - John Samuels

Welcome to the Interview portion of The Pagoda Report! Today I am joined by none of than The Iceman himself! Maverick! Maverick, how are you doing today?

"Fan- fuckin- tastic. How are you doing, Mr. Pagoda?"

Wonderful! It's great having you on today. Now let’s start with a soft question. How did you come to get hired by the XWF?

"I believe that's basic enough. I was busting my ass on the independent scene, and I was fortunate enough to be picked up by the XWF."

Fair enough. Now, you seemed to have a rough go of it when you first debuted here. Do you have any idea why that is? Why do you think everyone targeted you so much more than the rest?

"To be honest, I have no clue. At first, I thought they were just busting me in. Y'know, since I was a rookie and such. But, as I'm sure you know, there were people who took that shit above and beyond, such as X-Pac and Frodo."

Speaking of X-Pac, why did you take a poop on the X-Treme Championship?

"I. Did. Not. Take. A. Shit. On. The. X-treme. Title. As a matter of fact, in one of X-Pac's promos for that 8- man tag, he planned to dump the shit in my bag!"

Okay, okay Maverick calm down! It was just intended as a joke! But the question I have for you is when is the fight between you and X-Pac?

"I have no goddamn clue, to be honest. It was supposed to be on the third Madness of November, but that fucker went AWOL on me. Probably doesn't want to get humiliated by me, but whatever."

Speaking of humiliation, how do you feel dealing with legends in the industry such as Theo Pryce, John Samuels, and John Madison?

"Honestly, they can't measure up. Sure, you can bring up the Thanksgiving Madness, but Samuels needed his butt buddies the Three Kings to help him out. All he proved to me was that he cannot beat me without outside interference."

Wait, hold the phone. So you're saying that none of The Three Kings are on your level, Maverick? You can best any of them in a fight?

"Well, Pryce may give me a bit of trouble, I admit. Madison to me, is more of a wild card as of this point. Samuels, though? He can't measure up."

So you're saying Samuels isn't on your level. I see. That's some interesting news. Now... how prepared are you for Monday Night Madness?

"Honestly? I'm prepared; not a lot, but enough to ensure a scrub like Knight isn't walking out of there with that Television title."

Confidence! Good! It's good to see you are confident going in. Now... if you win the title, you have to defend it three times in the next month! Is that not intimidating?

"Not in the slightest. Because, due to the fact after three defenses, I get a #1 Contenders shot, and the thought of having a chance to go after that Universal title will drive me."

Very well. Now if, I mean WHEN, you beat Knight... what's next?

"I'm just going to let the contenders flow in. Ghost Tank should be next after Knight, not to mention Loverpussy and The Real Higher

are on their periods, so naturally, I'm sure their both gunning for me."

What about giving Gator a match? Considering he's back, you may want to defend it against the man who never lost it.

"Of course! I do have to pay him back for that Fatal- Five- Way match! Though, he's gonna wait until my table is clear of other contenders."

Sounds fair, Maverick. Now this is my last question... is there a dream opponent you have here at the XWF? If you could fight anyone, who would it be?

"Hmmm... Give me a minute...
Yes. Xavier Swann. Weird answer, I know, but I'd love putting that Maverick- wannabe in his place. Prince Perfect vs. the Avatar of Perfection. And I do believe we know the outcome to that."

Xavier Swann. That is an interesting answer. I'm sure we'd be interested in seeing that perfect collision. Well that about wraps it up, thank you for joining me today Maverick!

"My pleasure, Phillip."

Well that's the end of the interview portion.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well that about sums up 'The Pagoda Report' for this period. Be sure to join us in two weeks as we have the next edition of 'The Pagoda Report.'

Thank you for joining me and step up your work. For everyone shall be assessed and assimilated.

Iris Oppenheimer · **12-06-2014, 05:29 PM**

I'm ranked eleventh? Wow! I didn't expect to be rated so high, or at all, after only one match so it's definitely an honor Mr. Pagoda! Thank you!

John Samuels · **12-06-2014, 05:39 PM**

"Ranked #1. #1 contender to the Universal Title. Match of the week. Wrestler of the week. Promo of the week."

"You're a smart fella, Mr. Pagoda."

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **12-06-2014, 08:31 PM**

#14 huh.. that wont last

Theo Pryce · **12-06-2014, 08:35 PM**

(12-06-2014, 08:31 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: #14 huh.. that wont last

You're right. That's way too high for you.

John Samuels · **12-06-2014, 08:40 PM**

(12-06-2014, 08:35 PM)THEO PRYCE Said:
(12-06-2014, 08:31 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: #14 huh.. that wont last

You're right. That's way too high for you.

"It's funny because it's true."

"You're fat, Peter."

Xavier Swann · **12-06-2014, 10:23 PM**

Xavier Swann: "As much as I am disgusted in the clear lack of journalistic integrity from Mr. Pagoda - having myself at number 10 is nothing short of blasphemy - I found his interview with that lanky, goblin-faced scrub even more offensive. You dare call Prince Perfect a Maverick wannabe? Listen up shaft-jockey, as much as I am sure you would love to face off with the Reflection of Perfection in order to boost your standing around here, please refrain from drawing any similarities between the two of us in the future. There are none. If I want to learn how to take a shit on a title, I'll be sure to ask you."

~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · **12-06-2014, 10:25 PM**

"I believe Hysteria, and I should be ranked higher. For the Three Kings to say that we didn't put up a fight would be a lie. But, at the end of it all, Theo's still a friend, Madison is still Madison, and Samuels is still a

."

John Samuels · **12-06-2014, 10:44 PM**

Maverick · **12-06-2014, 10:57 PM**

(12-06-2014, 10:23 PM)Xavier Swann Said: Xavier Swann: "As much as I am disgusted in the clear lack of journalistic integrity from Mr. Pagoda - having myself at number 10 is nothing short of blasphemy - I found his interview with that lanky, goblin-faced scrub even more offensive. You dare call Prince Perfect a Maverick wannabe? Listen up shaft-jockey, as much as I am sure you would love to face off with the Reflection of Perfection in order to boost your standing around here, please refrain from drawing any similarities between the two of us in the future. There are none. If I want to learn how to take a shit on a title, I'll be sure to ask you."

"*Speaks in a sarcastic tone* Oh jeez, shaft- jockey! I'm so intimidated! Why gee, its not like I haven't been bombarded by insults my entire career by this federation's biggest stars! Oh no! *Returns back to normal tone* Listen, you wannabe. I'm sure my natural, God- graced abilities inspired you to become just like me, but I'm afraid it won't cut it. Since you seem to want to shut me up, and since I want to shut you up, then how about a Tables match on the January 8th edition of Warfare?"

Xavier Swann · **12-07-2014, 12:19 AM**

(12-06-2014, 10:57 PM)Maverick Said: "*Speaks in a sarcastic tone* Oh jeez, shaft- jockey! I'm so intimidated! Why gee, its not like I haven't been bombarded by insults my entire career by this federation's biggest stars! Oh no! *Returns back to normal tone* Listen, you wannabe. I'm sure my natural, God- graced abilities inspired you to become just like me, but I'm afraid it won't cut it. Since you seem to want to shut me up, and since I want to shut you up, then how about a Tables match on the January 8th edition of Warfare?"

Xavier Swann: "On the contrary Gollum, it wasn't your "god-graced abilities" at all. I don't even know who the hell you are! The fact that you parade yourself around as some sort of "Avatar of Perfection" is perhaps the longest running joke in the XWF today. If you're so keen to dance with the Sultan of Style however, it would be your honor to face yours truly on the 8th of January. I'd tell you to prepare yourself, but it looks like you are quite accustomed to getting wood."

Iris Oppenheimer · **12-07-2014, 12:42 AM**

Boys, boys! I'm sure there's no need for you two to argue like children over this whole "whether or not someone's stealing my attitude" thing. Mostly because again, it's way too lofty of a claim to make considering how many wrestlers have done it and in who knows how many other federations but also because you two are adults! I'm sure you're capable of hashing it out reasonably and responsibly without resorting to petty jabs and insults at each other.

Xavier Swann · **12-07-2014, 01:52 AM**

(12-07-2014, 12:42 AM)Iris Oppenheimer Said: Boys, boys! I'm sure there's no need for you two to argue like children over this whole "whether or not someone's stealing my attitude" thing. Mostly because again, it's way too lofty of a claim to make considering how many wrestlers have done it and in who knows how many other federations but also because you two are adults! I'm sure you're capable of hashing it out reasonably and responsibly without resorting to petty jabs and insults at each other.

Xavier Swann: "Iris, sweetheart, don't comment about things you know nothing about. It makes you appear foolish. For my part, this is no 'lofty claim', it is sheer reality! I mean, look at this face! Look at it! I am what God envisioned the day he decided to create man! As for what's-his-face, he is a completely different beast to what I am used to. I'll admit, I've never faced a pug inside the ring before. My poor Muffin would be mortified if she knew I was engaging in such a barbaric match with one of her own kind. So thank you, Iris, for your wise words. Now, go find two slices of bread and a knife and do one of the two things you were put on this earth to do."

TRHP · **12-07-2014, 02:24 AM**

Jacob walks up to the camera, and places a chair down, and takes down his Red Hood. He sits down on the chair.

"Swanny you are like an inbred toenail who thinks highly of himself. But just like that inbred toenail, when it's too painful you get it cut off. That's what you need to be. Cut off."

Jacob sits back smiling.

John Samuels · **12-07-2014, 02:30 AM**

"I think 'ingrown' is the word you're looking for, genius."

Blue Gator · **12-07-2014, 02:50 AM**

(12-07-2014, 02:30 AM)John Samuels Said: "I think 'ingrown' is the word you're looking for, genius."

no cus tonale fuk big tonale fuk smal tonale 2 mak tonale I em mastur uv engish i wud no

Xavier Swann · **12-07-2014, 03:18 AM**

(12-07-2014, 02:24 AM)TRHP Said: Jacob walks up to the camera, and places a chair down, and takes down his Red Hood. He sits down on the chair.

"Swanny you are like an inbred toenail who thinks highly of himself. But just like that inbred toenail, when it's too painful you get it cut off. That's what you need to be. Cut off."

Jacob sits back smiling.

Xavier Swann: "Not this again, Potter. Seems to me you were attending the wrong school, obviously the English language is not a priority at Hogwarts. Good god man, Samuels is an African-American and even he gets it right. Now, away with you, I'm not interested in dueling with you for Famous Witches & Wizards cards."

John Samuels · **12-07-2014, 06:25 AM**

Samuels pulls out his cellphone presses a few buttons.

"Theo! Get back here, this is turning into an episode of

Science Theatre 3000. These two guys are trying to argue and it's terrible AND hilarious! It's like watching a newborn giraffe try to take it's first steps or watching Peter attempt to use a word with more than one syllable. Who are they? I have no idea. I think one's called The Retched Hanging Pussylips and the other is the Baron of Bukkakke or something. Get back here and watch! Bring popcorn."

Theo Pryce · **12-07-2014, 06:52 AM**

Theo rolls up to the scene, literally. He's on a some kind of electronic 4 wheeler with a robot on the front.

[Image: tumblr_ma7225yeEa1r6u503o1_500.png]

"Hop on John, let's get the fuck outta here."

~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · **12-07-2014, 11:00 AM**

"Aww, you found the whip I got for you. I was gonna give it to Jimmy, but he dead."

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The Pagoda Report: The Fourth Edition
Author	Message