Theo sits back in his chair, his legs outstretched but crossed at the feet. He surveys the circle of strangers seated around him and comes to the only conclusion possible. "My life is utter shit right now." followed up by "How the fuck did it come to this?" The truth is Theo knows exactly why he's here. Erica gave him little choice. She saw what anyone paying attention could see. That his addiction coupled with his depression over his breakup with Lila has him staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. Literally. It takes a few moments of those in the circle announcing their name and everyone responding with a kind and cliché welcome before its Theo’s turn to speak up, the que coming from the man dressed like Mr. Rogers.


"Hello, my name is Theo and I'm an addict."

"Hello Theo." the whole group responds in unison as if they were all a bunch of mindless drones.

"Hello Theo, and what are you addicted to?" Responds Mr. Rogers lite.

"Sex, Drugs and ..."

"Cock and balls."


The group all turns around at once to see a man about 5'6 wearing a jean jacket and a black baseball cap standing there. While the man is unfamiliar to the rest of the group, to Theo he is simply Frodo, his dealer.


"Excuse me sir but you can't be here."

"What this isn't the Sex Addicts Anonymous group?"

"No friend this is Narcotics Anonymous."

"Ahh well it's just as well, I'm not really into casual sex, more like surprise sex."

"Surprise Sex?"

"Yeah, Surprise Sex. Like, “hey surprise I'm in you.”"

"I don't follow."

"No I don't suppose you would, I'm talking about Rape. Is there a Rape Addicts Anonymous around here and do they have coffee and cherry Danish?"

"Ok that's enough friend, you really need to leave."

"I'll handle this." Theo says as he gets up from his chair and walks over to Frodo. "What are you doing here?"

"I got your message that you were dry so I figured I'd re up you."

"How did you find me here?"

"I knew you were in town and I know where all these N.A meetings are. I got a whole calendar at my place."

"What? Why?"

"Because N.A meetings are the best places to sell, dummy. So what do you need?"

“I don’t need anything. I’m here to get clean.”

“Come on Theo we both know that’s not what you want. You want more of the white powdery goodness up your smell hole. And I got some new shit with me. I call it “Snow Blind”.”

“Why do you call it that?”

“As soon as you take your first bump you’ll immediately start seeing white and nothing else. You want some or what?”

“Not now Frodo.”

“Man I drove all the way out here. And by drove I mean I had to hitchhike all the way out here and you know what that means. My jaw is killing me. The least you could do is buy some of my product and I don’t know, spring for some coffee or something.”

“Meet me outside and I’ll get you some coffee.”

“Fine.” Frodo reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a stack of what looks like business cards. “Pass these out during your next break.”


Theo grabs the cards, the front is completely blank, he flips it over and reads the back.

Frodo Smackins I Supply It You Deny It For A Good Time Call 248-655-3981

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. Seventy-Five percent of these poor bastards will be back on their slow killer of choice by the end of the week, the other twenty-five percent within a few weeks after that. It’s like science.”

“Fine. Meet me outside.”

“You got it boss.”


Theo pockets the cards and walks back to the group, catching the ire of the Mister Rogers lite as he does.


“Sorry about that. He was lost.”

“Would you like to continue Theo?”

“Not particularly.”

“Well I think it would be best if you did.”

“Why ask if I wanted to continue if you were just going to force me to anyway?”

“I was hoping you would give the right answer on your own.”

“And I was hoping for a blow job from Kate Beckinsale. Let’s see who gets what they want first.”


Mr. Rogers’s face indicates that he wasn’t a huge fan of the joke, not surprising, you would have to be devoid of humor to run a N.A session.


“Please have a seat Theo.”

“Yes Mr. Rogers.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You didn’t give a name so I made one up for you. I hope you like it.”

“Have a seat so we can continue this session. You have now wasted everyone’s time for the last 10 minutes.”

“You didn’t have to wait for me that was your choice.”


Theo walks back over to his seat in between what looks like an obvious crack whore and a guy who is so big that he could have been a pro athlete.


“So Theo, tell us why you are here.”

“A few months ago I overdosed on cocaine which resulted in me then no longer doing cocaine. But then a friend of mine came back from the dead and he said “Let’s get fucked up on Coke”and so we did and I’ve been high on coke now for weeks. Last week I overdosed again, which then led to my girlfriend breaking up with me and my sister is trying to take my company from me. So yeah, that just about sums it up.”

“Why do you feel the need to use cocaine?”

“Is that a serious question?”

“Yes it is.”

“Because I enjoy it. Because if feels fucking fantastic. Because who doesn’t love jittery legs, cotton mouth and a limp dick?”

“If you aren’t here to try and get better like everyone else here than I suggest you leave. These meetings are to help people on the road to recovery. They are not a place for you to work on your stand up routine.”

“You’ve got balls Rogers. The truth is I don’t really know why I’m here. I like coke, I have no desire to stop. Now that I no longer have a girlfriend who is staunchly opposed to the recreational use of the drug I have no real reason to stop.”

“You mean other than the fact that it will kill you?”

“We all die somehow.”

“That’s a very bleak way to look at things.”

“I prefer bleak over rosy, less disappointment that way.”

“Tell you what, how about we take a little break and maybe after the break Theo will see what we are truly trying to do here and either take part in it with us, or leave us all together.”


All at once the group gets up and heads over to the metal folding table that has a coffee machine set up on it. Theo casually strolls by the table surveying the situation. Before he can make it completely past the table the woman that he was sitting next to approaches him, her face looking like a used up old catcher’s mitt.


“You wanna get out here?”

“With you?”

“Yeah. I know who you are. I’ll suck your cock for Fifty Bucks.”

“Only Fifty? This cock is worth at least Five Hundred.”

“Really? I’ll definitely suck your cock for $500.”

“No, you have mistaken me. I’ll let you give me $500 to suck it.”

“What? That’s crazy. I’m not paying you to suck your cock.”

“Your loss.”

“You’re crazy you know that?”

“Hey you approached me lady. You don’t want to do business then move it along.”

“What are you gay? Who turns down a blowjob?”

“Someone who prefers his cock to be STD free and judging by that mouth of yours there is no way you are clean.”

“I ain’t got no flare ups right now so we good.”

“That’s gross.”

“Hey man you don’t have to be a dick about it.”

“Look at me. Now look at you. Do I look like the kind of guy who picks up tail at an N.A meeting, especially ones that involve woman that are clearly crack whores with busted mouths and track marks?”

“Fuck you man.”

“Charming but I’ll pass. Oh by the way, I got a guy who can do something about those teeth. Here, take his card.”


Theo reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out Frodo’s business cards. He hands one to the crack hoe and then proceeds to make his rounds amongst the other members of the meeting, handing cards to all of them as well. Some of them rip the card up in disgust and toss the pieces on the ground, others look around to make sure no one is watching them and then pocket the cards for later use. Once Theo has made sure that everyone in the group received a card he departs the room and then the building. Frodo is leaning up against a car waiting for Theo.


“Did you pass out my cards?”

“Yes.”

“Excellent. Hey did you hear I fucked Ann Thraxx to death?”

“And you are happy about this?”

“Yeah man, you ever fuck a chick to death?”

“No. I’ve also never fucked a disgusting pig either, so there are a few things you and I do differently. Have you gotten yourself checked out yet? That chick looked like she had all kinds of gross diseases.”

“Have some respect for the dead man.”

“A rapist with a moral conscious, that’s different.”

“I’m not a raper. I only raped Peter. Besides he liked it.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Exactly. Well, that and the fist full of Ambien.”

“You ready for that coffee?”

“Yeah, but before we do that, I can see sadness behind those eyes. Talk to Frodo.”


Fade To Black