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The Professional · (03-08-2014)

If you're reading this, you know who I am, you know what I do.

You pay me a small sum of cash, I do your dirty work. You need a tag partner, I'm your man. You need to send a message, I'm your man. You need someone at ring side to keep things straight, I'm your man. You want someone at ring side to make sure you win, I'm your man.

You disrespect me, you get The Garrote. You question my skills, you get Blunt Force Trauma. Someone puts you in my sights, you get The Headshot.

~~Sid Feder~~ · **03-08-2014, 04:15 PM**

What are your rates, good sir?

I'd like to do some business with ya.

The Professional · **03-08-2014, 04:34 PM**

Rates vary by job. Ringside enforcer- $5,000 per match. Backstage Assault- $10,000 will refund if attack unsatisfactory. Bodyguard- $10,000 per week. Tag Partner- $7,500 per match. Additional $2,000 for particularly brutal acts.

All pay upfront. Pro-bono work under special circumstances. Will accept title shots as pay.

Professional Courtesy: Will turn on you if better offer is made, will give 24 hours notice. Will not necessarily agree with your views or actions, will not effect work ethic. Expect smart ass comments.

~~Sid Feder~~ · (03-08-2014)

Alright man, that all sounds peachy.

Here's the deal--

There's this .

He's a real gook.

Oh shit, lemme start that over; I got it a tad mixed up.

Ok, there's this gook -- he's a real .

His name? He goes by 'NeoNero' -- which I guess is Thesaurus for loser.

He just tried to rape my kids, and I'm not going to have that shit. See, my trouble is that I'm getting up there in age and I've done a lot of abuse to this body, ya hear? I can't really be chasing this limber fuckin' noodle around all week as he tries to dodge me so I figure a man such as yerself may come in very handy.

I want him fucked up -- badly. I don't care which show this happens at, but I want to see him very soon in a puddle of his own piss and shit and blood because that's what XWF has taught me is cool these days. I want his head shoved into a toilet, and I want that toilet to be clogged with the shit of a thousand Indians who ate too much curry that day; or at least some close comparison to that.

I want him beaten, battered, and insulted. I want you telling him what a stupid fuckin' gook he is as you kick his teeth in.

I want you telling him Sid Feder is better than him while you smash a lump of dung in his tiny eyes.

I want you to feel free to take any liberty with this man that you feel necessary and I want you to enjoy it, friend.

I can pay in cash -- I've done some things in my time that have accumulated some funds even though I may not look like it. Payment in advance? Not a problem, sir. Refund if I'm not satisfied? I appreciate that, but I'm very confident if you follow my instructions that I'll be incredibly satisfied.

Oh, and look up some words in a thesaurus that 90% of the population would never use, and call him those words -- even if they don't make sense or apply to him at all; still call him them. It looks cool when you use big words while giving a beat down -- something NeoNero has never been able to do simultaneously.

Do we have a deal?

The Professional · (03-08-2014)

You're asking for a lot, but it can be done. The specifics will be carried out just as you asked. The fee will be about 50% higher however, an additional $2,000 for the brutality, an additional $2,000 for me now having to go out of my way to find an Indian family and an additional $1,000 for making me buy a thesaurus.

The Hit will be carried out within 2 weeks of my receiving the payment. Just remember, he'll know it was you, he'll know what I do, and if he pays me, I'll be coming for you next. And don't misinterpret that as a threat, just a bit of professional courtesy.[/font]

Theo Pryce · (03-08-2014)

I.... have a business deal for you. It may be better left in private.

~~Sid Feder~~ · **03-08-2014, 06:33 PM**

I want this known -- I'll pay you whatever you need in order to release the details of Heyman's pitch publicly. I can tell ya first hand that Heyman is an idiot when it comes to business, so why not make a fast buck off his shit ass attempt to taint your name by being involved with him? He's fat.

Moving on -- As for your terms, I accept. I realize you're in this for the business and you're here to be paid, sir; I respect that. If you told me I'd never have to worry about you being paid off by someone else to fuck me over, I'd know you were lyin' out yer asshole, man.

I'll be in the building at this coming Monday Madness (uh oh! somebody attack me!)

What'd'ya say we make the exchange of funds there? Or would you prefer I have it sent to another location?

**03-08-2014, 06:39 PM**

Sidney! This potential deal has nothing to do with you and furthermore, would not stop him from doing business with you.

I'm sad right now.

I treated you like a son when I took over Madness, and here you are, speaking ill of the good name I've built.

So deeply saddened.

~~Sid Feder~~ · **03-08-2014, 06:45 PM**

Yer another one of those conspiracy quacks thinkin' just because I have the name Sid Feder that you done business with me in past years?

Fat ass.

I apologize for callin' ya out yer name -- I will be in attendance on Madness if you would like to meet up with me.

John Samuels · (03-09-2014)

(03-08-2014, 11:31 PM)Griffin MacAlister Said: It's the fat. Traveled to his brain and clogged shit up. Next he'll be thinkin' you have a wife named Flo and that you went by the nickname Pill Man for awhile. I guess that's why he had to leave Madness. His mind was slippin' and it was time to just let the guy out onto a pasture to graze. Like the useless cow he is. Now he's gonna have run of a show entirely based of new underdeveloped talent. Wow...I didn't know how low Paul Heyman could sink until I heard that shit. I'd say it's sad but let's be real....I'd never say that. Nah...I'd just laugh and hit this blunt.

With that Griffin fires up that blunt.

"Good God, even Sid's hemorrhoids are talkin' tough now. Y'know, Griffin McAssbubble, you're exactly the type of undeveloped talent that my friend Heyman is looking for. You should really consider signing up for his gig. The man is a genius, I bet he could teach even you to say more than 6 words without people wishing they had explosive diarrhea to use as an excuse to get the Hell away from you. Hell, you could even be the champion of the Remedial Wrestling Club, wouldn't that make your poppa Sid proud?

Hey Sid! Next time you're squatting down doin' Metamucil's dirty work, give an extra push or two to see if you can disconnect this flesh bubble from your o-ring. It's time he joins his fellow helmet wearers for a game of 'let's taste the paint chips.'

Sebastian Duke · **03-09-2014, 04:55 AM**

Well if it isn't mi amigo, Griffin MacAlister.

Tell me, what rock did you crawl out from under to be here today?

Never mind that. You and I have a date with destiny somewhere down the line, MacAlister.

The clock is ticking.

The Professional · (03-09-2014)

So many interesting little things coming to my backyard. So many angry individuals with grudges that need to be facilitated. So many potential customers and a never-ending line of potential targets. Business looks to be picking up soon.

Now to business. We appear to be at a bit of an impasse, and Sid, I'm afraid this will effect your contract with Nero. Evidently we have two parties interested in The Hitman. Heyman, you want me on your team. Sid you want to keep me off his team. If either of you want your specific request followed up on, all you need do is make me an offer. In private of course, this isn't an auction, I don't want offers and counter offers. Put to together the best deal you can and and send me a persuasive message.

Next available Madness, we settle this in the middle of the ring. Just the three of us. I'll shake one man's hand, and the other I'll beat within an inch of his life with a lead pipe. Free of charge.

~~Sid Feder~~ · **03-09-2014, 10:49 AM**

Mr. Hitman, I am a reasonable man -- I'm willing to look past Heyman and assume his business with you cannot in any way harm me. My top concern as far as business with you goes, is that stupid ass lemon head named Neonero. He can hurt me by trying to rape my kids, which he's already attempted but failed because he forgot his chink dick was too small to enact a proper raping.

I don't care about Heyman anymore.

You're here for business; I get that. I retract my offer to pay you anything to reveal Heyman's private pitch, but my offer regarding the dismantling of that sliver eyed cockblower Neonero still stands.

I'm also an impatient man at times, so I'd suggest you stay on the good side of a business transaction with me, sir. Don't take that as a threat -- take it as a professional courtesy.

Now, for the last time; do we have a deal or not?

The Professional · **03-09-2014, 11:09 AM**

That's just the problem Mr. Feder, I cannot commence business with you if Heyman is attempting to bring me over to the Axis. As you know, he and his team are involved with World War X-treme as are you. I can not take a contract from you to attack Nero if at the same time, Heyman wants me to run protection details on everyone on his side of the match. It is a conflict of interest you see. However, my original offer stands, I've already worked it out with management. The three of us in the middle of the ring, if you make a better offer than Heyman, I'll beat him in the ring and do your contract. And seeing as how Heyman has already submitted his first offer, I can safely say that if you double the original deal, you'll see a bleeding walrus in the ring tomorrow night and a shit eating Nero in 2 weeks time.

~~Sid Feder~~ · **03-09-2014, 11:18 AM**

Thank you for clarifying what you meant; I've gotten a little slow in my old age. That's why all these young whipper snappers are so good at running circles around me with their trash talk and I never know how to respond, so I just shovel some beans into my mouth and fart in their faces.

Now with Heyman, I am guessing he still has some kind of political pull in the federation so that tells me he's going to be able to offer you things aside from cash -- things I myself cannot offer, but my good friend Eli James who is the owner of this entire federation can definitely top.

I can guarantee you that whatever you need from Eli, he'll be willing to give you, through my hands. Even if Heyman has some backstage pull, the one man who can yank it from his sweaty hands and leave him with rope burn is our good man, Eli James IV.

So, that's me telling you in advance that I have access to offerings that Heyman cannot possibly match. That's also me teeling you that anything Heyman offers you from a power standpoint, I can snap my fingers and have it reversed, and there is nothing Heyman can do about it.

Who does it sound like is the smarter person to do business with? I'm a man of my word, sir. I want that gook beaten within a sliver of his life and I want you to get rewarded for it in any way you desire. I offer you everything -- think of me as your genie in a bottle.

Now rub me and make your wish.

The Professional · (03-09-2014)

Very interesting Mr.Feder, a large some of cash paid to me tomorrow should be enough however, getting on the owner's goodside is infifnitely more important. Mr. Heyman, I'm afraid the plans are in the works. Unless you can top an offer from Eli himself Heyman, which I sincerely doubt, be prepared for a beating on Madness. Meet me and Feder in the middle of the ring on Monday, or we'll personally drag your ass out.

~~Sid Feder~~ · **03-09-2014, 11:57 AM**

Excellence wreaks from you, my good man.

I hope I used that word right -- wreaks -- it's a really big word for me. When you beat Nero's fuckin' chink ass for me, can you please ask him if I used that word correctly and if he agrees that excellence does in fact wreak from you? I'll pay an extra $1k just for that add-on.

The Professional · (03-09-2014)

Deal

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