A snorting Hotdog swaggers EVILLY outside, enjoying the sun’s warm rays and dreaming of all the pasty white peons who are no doubt burning to a crisp. Lost in his glee, he stumbles right into a tiny glass bottle.
CLINK!
Looking down and frowning a frown that only pigs can frown, he shovels his tusks underneath the bottle and with a jerk of his head, flicks the bottle over.
“Oink!”
He looks up and notices a trail of bottles leading either way. With an EVIL grunt, he sets off in the direction of a nip bottle of 99 Bananas. As he plods along, his super EVIL animal senses pick up the scent of who laid the bottles. It smells of rainbows and hope. HE HATES IT!
”Ooiinnkk oink oink! Oink oink oink oink oink oink oink oiinnkk oink. Oiinn’k oink oink oink oink oink oiinn’k oiink oiink oink oiinnkk oink oink oink oink OINK oink oink oink oink oink oiink oink oink oiinnkk oiink?”
“Quokkana was here! This must be a trap for a drunken ho. Doesn’t she know that all the world’s drunk girls are working for me on my EVIL plan to take over the world with my stringy bacon?”
Hotdog scoffs and continues to follow the trail, which leads him to a porta-potty.
”Oink oink oink oink! Oink Ooiinnkk oink oink oink oink oink oink oink oink oiink. Oink oink oink oiink oink oink oink oink oiink ooiiinnnkkk oink ooiiinnkk oiink oink oink oink OINK! Oink, oink oink oink oink oink oink oink…”
“And here it is! But Quokkana is not at the end of that rope there. She must have given up and gone to chase butterflies or something super lame and not EVIL! Here, let me just open this door up...”
He narrates what he does, as any good supervillain would.
”Oink oink Oink oiinnkk! Oiinnkk Oink!”
“Just as I thought! Tequila Rose!”
He sniffs the bottle.
”Oink oink… Oink ooiinnk’k oink oink oink oink oink oiink.”
“I mean… I shouldn’t just let it go to waste.”
He pushes as much of his body into the porta-potty as he can while he tries to get at the bottle.
”Oink… OINK! Oi’nk oiink! OINK OIINK OIINNKK OINK! OINK! OINK! Oiink oink oink oiinnkk? OINK! Oink oink oink oink oiinnkk! OINK OINK OOIIINNNKK OINK OIINNKK!”
“Wait… FUCK! I’m stuck! THAT BITCH TRAPPED ME! HELP! HELP! Where are my minions? HELP! I will have my revenge! I WILL OBLITERATE ALL QUOKKAS!”
…
…
…
”Oink?”