Big Disappointment

---

It's a bloody lovely day as I drive to some random medical building I didn't bother to learn the name of and honestly why does that even matter? It's a decent drive, loving whipping this Golf, little beast. LA traffic doesn't fuck me over, I actually woke up in an okay mood. No headaches, no drama, no wuckas, cunt. Should have got rid of those cunts that live in my house and mooch off me ages ago. Only really need my gardener to maintain the 'sick cunt' scorched into my lawn. Legit, I'm in a good mood. Fuck cunt, after Big D's showing I can't see how I could ever lose now. I'm golden! Me and dad gonna be double champs when we win the tag titles, our V will still hold the REAL Anarchy title, everything is coming up!

I flick on my blinker as I pull into the car park and find a great spot. Turning off the ignition and hopping out, adjusting my sunglasses and juggling the car keys in my hand walking into the building. I get to the reception and ding that bell harder than Nipsey Russel calling a match. The woman clearly reading her emails on company time peeks at me from behind her glasses and places a hand on mine to stop me.

RECEPTIONIST CUNT: "You have an appointment?"

"Sure do, cunt, under Jackson. Noah Jackson."

She goes back to her computer and very slowly taps away on the keyboard.

RECEPTIONIST CUNT: "We have a Noah Johnson?"

I shrug.

"Yeah, sure, that's me."

RECEPTIONIST CUNT: "And is your child... With you?"

"No he's throwing a hissy fit like a sackless shit at home, I'm just here for some test results."

RECEPTIONIST CUNT: "... Okay. The waiting room is to your right, just wait until your name is called out and the doctor will see you."

I scoff.

"Yeah, cunt, that's what waiting rooms are for."

I walk to my right and enter the small room, sighing at the sight of shitty, snotty kids waiting with their parents and playing that thing where you push beads around a maze thing. I dunno how to describe it. Why does every doctor's office have one of those fucking things? Does any kid actually own them at home or do they just appear here? I pop a squat next to a morbidly obese mother and her fat cunt of a son who just keeps staring at me with his maw wide open. I lean down and fake the kid out with forward motion, he jumps back a little but smiles. Not my intention. I grab an old copy of some magazine... Incels Quarterly? What the fuck? Why is Thaddeus Duke on the cover!? Whatever I flick through it briefly before quickly getting bored and slamming it back down onto the short table. I click my tongue looking around the room, crossing a leg over as I readjust my shorts. Balls getting stuck to my thigh, always an issue.

I stew in the silence before perking up.

"Whose the sickest cunt in the multiverse that made a baby dick having, fake wrestling veteran, former X-Treme champion and soon to be former Television Champion smash up a room and cry, yes, fucking cry like a toddler being told they can't have a kit kat at the store?"

I put two big ol' thumbs to my handsome self and show off my whites with a smile.

"Top cunt over here."

I slowly put my hands back down to my knees and my smile fades looking around at the sick cunts in the waiting room... Not sick in the same way I'm sick, just ill cunts. A cough from the other side of the room sounds off as the room's quiet. I sniff up and clear my throat.

"I'm in seeing a very reputable doctor who can't say my last name right because he's a fuck stupid American but apart from that he's fair sound. This isn't for me by the way, I haven't been ill my entire life. You get colds and shit in 'Stralia you're basically spider bait, weak immune systems lead to your corpse getting gangbanged by Wombats by the side of the road because your genetically inferior arse passed out in the hot sun due to you having the sniffles. No, I'm here on behalf of Big Dickhead, see after I made a fundraiser for the cunt, which he still hasn't thanked me for, I realised something. D is a child, like a very small, weak and insecure child. He can't do anything for himself, the only thing he can do is cry and throw a tantrum. So, the toddler needs a big, strong man to get shit done for him."

"I've had daddy issues, I'll admit that, so I think it fits pretty well that I be Big D's Big Daddy. The cunt's obviously got some anger issues, definitely some mental problems rolling around that baron space where the dumb bitch should contain his brain. He's like what? Forty? Whatever no one cares, but the Big Downie wastes his time listening to Papa Roach and throwing his teenage angst at a bunch of mannequins like the cunts playing Silent Hill instead of, fuck I don't know, working out? Cunt's acting like a Kyle raging after losing a game of Overwatch and punching drywall until his knuckles bleed and then posting said bloody knuckles on facebook with the caption 'DoN't FuCk WiTh Me!' It's fucking pathetic. I had you in tears!"

"I, Noah Jackson, made you cry like a bitch."

"That's fucking gold!"

I crack open a can of VB and taste the sweet nectar brewed to perfection by the greatest Australian minds. Man, that hits the spot, much better than fucking yank piss like Budweiser. King of beers my arse. Pretty sure a horse pissing in my mouth would leave me with more satisfaction than fucking Bud would. A woman looks over to me.

FAT CUNT: "Sir, there are children here and you're cussing and drinking like a sailor."

I lower the can to my side and slowly blink at the cunt.

"There's a cunt over there with his son who very clearly has a gun around his waist and you're worried your kids are gonna pick up a drinking problem from me? You worried their delicate eggshell minds will be destroyed by my choice of language? Cunt, I'd be more weary of a bullet cracking them because that cooked cunt heard someone mention The Alamo in a negative way."

She sits back and I get to continue, hopefully, uninterrupted this time.

"As I was saying, this chubby fuck loves acting like a child so here I sit in a pediatrics office getting the answers we deserve on why Little D is such an emotional cum sock brought to life by dark magics. I mean, if this cunt is acting like this because I cracked him over the head with a can imagine what would happen when I bitch slap that cunt so hard he'll be flossing his insides with barbwire for weeks. Without help, the cunt will go from writing names on inanimate objects before wetting them with his salty tears to strangling prostitutes that resemble his mother."

"I'm a bloody wonderful guy doing all this. Meanwhile, the shit cunt is screaming I don't deserve a title shot? Which is fucking rich coming from that prick! Sorry, mate should I start making it rain over you? Maybe I should take you out to dinner before sliding two fingers up your tight pussy and after I can fuck you so bad no other boy in the world will measure up, leaving you sad alone as you masturbate to my holiday photos for years to come. Will that make me a worthy contender? The truth is cunt, you're not worth the huge amount of effort and even the stupid cunts in management realise that shit. All it took was one moment for me and you to be in the same ring. Honestly, feel kinda stupid I didn't think of it a while ago. One moment, just a fucking instant to be up against you."

"No month-long war of words."

"No Twitter keyboard warrior shit."

"No heated rivalry."

"Just a can to the face."

"That's all the effort you're worth and the fact that you think you're worth more is embarrassing. You're a mediocre bitch, D. Nothing more, nothing less. I've beat you before! Every match we've been in together I've come out the victor! You can't measure up to me! I am simpler better in every way, shape and form. You think a barb wire deathmatch will help? It won't cunt. You think no time limit will help? It won't cunt. You think this is your redemption? It's not cunt. This is just another chance to lose against the sickest cunt in the world."

A nurse pops round the corner and chirps up.

NURSE CUNT: "Mr. Noah Johnson?"

I throw my arms out swigging the VB before placing it down. I stand up shouting at the cunt.

"It's Jackson, cunt. JACKSON! Why do you Yank cunts have so much trouble with this shit?"

The nurse simply rolls her eyes as she motions me to follow. Sadly, no recording allowed in the doc's office so I'll fill you cunts in later. In the meantime...

---

The following is a paid advertisement for the Drezdin/Knuckles party.



"Imagine a world, free of little bitch cry babies."



"A world where people are sick as fuck."



"Imagine an America that's a little more like Australia."

The images fade as I appear from the fade in a sweet suit, gliding towards the camera on some dope heelies.

"G'day, cunts. I'm Noah Jackson and I'd do almost anything for some decent publicity. That's why I'm shamelessly plugging Drezdin and Thunder Knuckles for office. As a foreigner who knows literally nothing about US politics but has a unique view on your current president, the only thing I can say is you're absolutely fucked as is so how much worse can you get? At least these two cunts are honest about what they stand for!"

"Seriously, you're heading into World War 3, why not head in there with a bunch of sick cunts?"

"Vote Drezdin/Knuckles 2020"

Make America Sick Again.

"My name is Thunder Knuckles and I approve this message."

---

Back home I continue the bevs with old mate Ned Kelly, he's curled up on the couch beside as I kick up my feet.

"Paid ads in a promo, I'm a fucking genius cunt. Free real estate and a bit of money in my pocket, happy days! So, had a chat with the good doctor and he gave me some interesting news about Big D... Trust me cunts we will get to it just a few more things I want to take the piss out of."

"Big D said through tears that he is not the same man I beat twice. Nah, cunt's angry now! Which I'm not worried about, cunt was mad when he trashed Savage throwing one of his classic neckbeard hissy fits before going straight back to wearing a thong and citing off his shitty catchphrase. Being angry leads to nothing but mistakes, it's why I stay in a constant state of disdain and sickness. I'm not just facing a petty maggot I've wiped the floor with previously, I'm fighting an emotional wet rag whose only going to see red and use up all his energy in the first minute trying to slap my fine arse. Dude's gonna be gassed and I'll take advantage of that punching him in the back of the head like the docile cunt was into some weird brain injury kink."

"You're a pissbaby, cunt."

"You're meant to be the TV champion and you wreck a room instead of channelling that energy into something productive? Clean the oceans or some shit, do something worthwhile in your mediocre existence."

"I'm not worthy?"

"Go fuck yourself!"

"Do you know who I am?"

"I'm the sick cunt who made Ruby stop being a 'superhero.'"

"I'm the top cunt who made Boston Bruiser a tiny, insignificant shit stain on the pages of XWF history."

"I'm the king who made it so no one has to see another fucking awful, Miz, Roode or Kennedy promo here ever again!"

"I turn the current Hart champion into a blithering child when I chirp up."

"You chase after titles and try your best to make a name for yourself."

"I'm the charming and entertaining amazing cunt who ends careers and is constantly getting pushed because I'm just that good."

"I should be worried that you're angry? Cunt, you should be worried if I wake up on the wrong side of the bed Sunday! Best get ready pack your bags because you're definitely going to be leaving to some shitty fed once I give you a bleach enema to cure your autism. That's actually something some very stupid believe, by the way, not just talking out me arse. So come at me, in this barbarian rage you've built yourself into. Come at me and try your absolute hardest so it'll be so much sweeter when I knock you down and get the clean one, two, three on your fragile body. I would LOVE to be the reason you hang your head in shame every day, I WANT to be the reason you contemplate retirement, I NEED to be the thing in your life that makes you give up harder than you already have."

"I'm gonna leave South Africa the NEW Television Champion and you'll go back home to your sad life the same old Big D. A washed-up fuck with nothing to live for."

"And that ain't some bullshit, that's a Noah Jay promise. Go fuck yourself you has-been . I hope you break your neck trying to suck your own cock harder than you usually do. Fucking prick."

"..."

"Oh yeah! Your diagnosis! Thankfully, the Doc provided this very helpful video explaining why you're such a little bitch. Let's all sit back and enjoy!"



I sit there, tears of joy forming in the corners of my eyes as I curl my fingers against my lips. With a deep breath, I compose myself and look back with a huge shit-eating grin.

"And that... Is the Cold Big D Truth."
























COMING
























THIS DECEMBER
























...MAYBE

FORMER:



W | L | D
226 | 11 | 81

Star of the Month (August 2019)
1/3 Star of the Month (January 2020) with Fuzz and our Subaru
RP of the Month (November 2019) with Big Disappointment