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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS »   » Archives » Leap of Faith 2019 RP Board
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Rule 63 Thanos - Anarchy Championship
Author Message
Lacklan Offline
Low Effort



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


Post: #1
07-19-2019 04:04 PM


[Image: LgF28GC.gif]

HIIIII-iiiiiii!

Axly! Let's do this right…..

You sweet?!

That’s right, Fang Gang, yours truly, the reason why birds chirp in the morning and the beans are on the toast, Sarah Grey-Lacklan, is LIVE in the birthplace of her dearly departed Mumsie...LONDON! Because the XWF has realized that there is exactly ONE star worth building their ENTIRE PPV schedule around...ME! The QUEEN of Anarchy, the Mother of Pigeons, the Mistress of Typos, and YOUR Federweight Champion! Leap of Faith hails FROM INSIDE Buckingham Palace and you all literally have ME to thank for it.

I will now pause for you to thank me.

………………………….

………………………….

Go ahead and thank me a little more. I know that Corey (x-bux on the way!) is ubes busy pouring his heart out over his adoration.

…………………………

………………………..

Okay, that’s good. Now, while it IS nice to be back in London (where the official debut of the 5’2” Mafia occurred in 2017...with a win...OBVS!), there is, unfortunately, a VERY dark and black mark on Leap of Faith. Because this was SUPPOSED to be the end of a story. It was SUPPOSED to be a zero rising to be crushed by the villain. It was SUPPOSED to be Rule 63 Thanos snapping that stupid trash panda out of existence. But NOOOOOOOOO.

BUUUUUUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Instead, we have the QUEEN of Anarchy having to face Mr. Broken Record himself, the Crown Prince of Same Shit, Different Day, NOAH.


“CUNT”

SWEET Baby Jesus’ impeccably smooth bottom, I’m tired of that.

“CUNT”

Its come up so many times that I have his impression down PERFECTLY.

“NUH UH, SARAH, I SAY MORE THAN JUST CUNT”

Well...sorta? See, while Noah was busy dropping my name in order to stay relevant with his SHITTY TAKE on broken records, I was busy axly doing REAL research. Like, he’s all coolio to just say the same shit he has been for the last four months, right? Same takes, no evolution. But me? While he’s no doubt planning on busting out his own vlog to show how “original” he is, I have axly done my homework.

For instance, I can tell you that
“CUNT” is NOT the only thing he’s said. But holy CRAXBALLS it certainly IS the thing he says the most! In fact (and you can bet my 100% organic pigeon breasts this number is accurate!), out of the more than 29 THOUSAND words spewing forth from Mister “Hardest Worker who hardly wins so why the FUCK does it matter how ‘hard’ I work when I barely fucking win matches unless its against some pissbaby from Boston” since he showed up at the end of March, he’s said “CUNT”...or some derivative...538 times! That’s five times a DAY! And that’s only PUBLICLY!

So what’s the point? What’s the reason I’m curious about this? Why DID I compile literally every promo, tweet, and shitbin post on the boards so that I could check him out?

Oh! And for shiggles? I pumped the whole damned thing into wordcounter.com, right? Grade level?

2nd to 3rd.

I SHOULD say “Yikes!” but that IS higher than I anticipated!

N-E-Ways...THAT, dear Fang Gangers, is why I’m DIFFERENT. THAT, baby birds, is an example of how I am basically unstoppable in this company. Because NO ONE (outside of some pussy stalking in a hood!) understands who they are facing when they are in the ring with me. But, I know EXACTLY who I am facing. I knew when I was facing blowhards like Eli and Carnes, when I was facing dumbshit like Hootie and Mini, when I had to go all-in against Corey. And that’s why I know what, exactly, I am facing at Leap of Faith:

A half-witted opening act who can’t figure out the difference between a consistent theme and a cringe-worthy gimmick.

THAT is the reality about Noah Jackson. Yes! Dude has won five in a row. Against nothing worthwhile, except for Trash Panda. Yes! Dude has a ton of exposure. But he’s basically as effective at being relevant as Ned does at tweeting. The two of them should team in the tourney together! Ned can do shitty tweets that don’t drive sales while Noah leeches off the creativity of others so the boys in the back will give them sympathy handjobs.

Cuntorious: A winning combination!

Meanwhile, I’ll be sitting pretty as the FACE of this company. I CHOSE Anarchy when I won Queen of the Ring because I KNEW that was going to be the driving force of the company. And as the only brand to consistently have their roster axly fucking show up every week, I was hella right. Which I’m responsible for. Obvs. Everyone wants to be highlighted on the show I’m on! Because whereas I make everyone want to work harder, to strive for more, all Noah does is make people contemplate taking time off due to his barrage of unimaginative and uninspired “comebacks” which blanket the entire fed in a fog of apathy and droll lethargy.

So while Noah is busy trying to convince everyone that parodies are back in style and hoping that grade school level graphics work will somehow get him past an elite athlete who has TWELVE FUCKING WINS in fourteen matches in this company, I hope everyone understands the seriousness of this vlog. Because this is NOT about jokes or making up random shit. This is NOT about filming Home Alone and hoping that guys over 40 give you a nostalgia pop. This is about WRESTLING.

And when it comes to wrestling in the XWF?

I’m the Queen, baby.

Push Noah?

Down to curtain jerker.
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[-] The following 3 users Like Lacklan's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (07-30-2019), BigD (07-19-2019), Noah Jackson (07-21-2019)
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