There it was just laughing at me. The internal demons were laughing, knowing that they had won. You see unlike a normal person; my demons were very much real. Many people have claimed in the past that their demons got the better of them, but for me they eventually became apart of me. They were no longer just an expression, but faces that I could see, and ultimately succumb to.

They had their own personalities, each more different from the last. There was always one at a time, at least they gave me a fighting chance. At first it was little things. Take a swig of that whiskey, it doesn’t matter that you’re only ten. Take a toke from that joint, high school is hard. Sure, drive this car, those six beers don’t mean anything. The worst of them all finally arrived when I for the first time stuck that needle in my arm.

He laughed as I faded in and out of consciousness. I could see his face. The long sunken in cheeks, the eyes blacker than the night. The unruly beard and long scraggly hair flowing down over his back. Even when we were indoors, the hair flowed as if it were a windy day. Every time I opened my eyes, there he was laughing, knowing that he had won.

“Shut UP!” I screamed into the darkness.

That would get him to go away for a little bit, but like clockwork he would come back. I couldn’t just run around everyday screaming at him to leave, I’d look crazy. I tried saying it calmly, but he would just laugh. When I showed some emotion, that’s when he would leave.

It was in those moments of bliss and solitude that I realized that I wasn’t crazy. I was merely manifesting my fears into a tangible object. It was all in my head. Or so I thought. It was shortly after the lawyer had left. I had done the deed. Strung out and helpless. That was the first time I heard him.

“Failure!”

Still in a daze, I sit up from my chair. Shivers running down my back. The air feels cold, and suddenly I am hit with a burst of air, and there he was standing there. Smiling.

“You have failed…. Again.” He slowly inched closer to me. The air got thicker, and colder. It was becoming harder and harder to breath. “Funny, how you can do that is such a short amount of time.”

“You’re not real.” I said over and over in my head. Constantly opening and closing my eyes. Everything I opened my eyes, he was closer until he was mere inches away from my face. His breath was icy, and his gaze was icier. He laid his hand palm side up on my shoulder.

“It’s time for you to become what you were destined for….”

With that I pass out. Sprawled across the floor next to my desk. I feel the urge to vomit, but hold it in.

“Useless. Destiny comes for us all.”

I start convulsing on the floor. I begin foaming at the mouth. Small bits of bile and blood begin to splatter the wall behind me. My legs and arms lock, I begin to shake uncontrollably. I can feel my eyes rolling in the back of my head, but I am powerless to do anything about it.

Then suddenly nothing. There is no white light. There are no angels. No life flashing before your eyes. Pure and utter blackness. You would think it was scary, but it was calm. There was and is no other feeling like it in the world. Pure unadulterated calm. Or so I thought.

“Ha…Ho…Ha…Ho…”

His cackle echoed. Louder and louder. If this was what my destiny was, then destiny can go suck a fat dick.

“Ha..Ho…Ha…Ho…”

I finally, after what seems like an eternity, bring myself to open my eyes. Of course, there he was standing there, in all his “glory”. I could finally move, and I sat up. For the first time in ages I wasn’t in any pain. I checked my arms for tracks, and there was nothing to be found.

“Wh…Where…. Where am I?” I stood up, and still nothing. There wasn’t anything to see. Imagine being Neo in the Matrix and the white room, kind of. The demon walked towards me. Only he wasn’t walking, more of a floating.

“Purgatory.” Simple and to the point.

“Like THE purgatory?”

“Is there another one?”

I shrug no. He smiles and sits down. I soon follow and sit down next to him. He was different now. He wasn’t anything like before. He looked almost normal.
“I didn’t think it was your time….”

“It doesn’t have to be.” I stated.

“Right now on earth your body is overdosing. You are convulsing and in a few minutes you’ll be choking on your own vomit. The police and ambulances have a mere few minutes to get there and save you. Unfortunately for you, there isn’t anyone around to make that call. That’s when you will be out of here, one way or another.”
While he was correct that there wasn’t anyone there in person, apparently they forgot about all the cameras that my Ex-wife installed throughout the house. See, she wasn’t about to lose out on all that alimony, and sure as hell wasn’t about to let me get out of it by dying. She would check the cameras pretty much every hour. Luckily for me, we were just about to hit a time where she would be checking.

“I’m sure I’ll, be OK.”

Sure enough, the white room fades to black. My eyes begin to slowly open. All I can see is red and blue lights flashing. My eyes close, and open again. I can see someone hovering over me.

“Jesus Christ, how much did he take?”

A look of shock covered his face as he began to slide a tube down my throat. My eyes close again. When they open the man is still there.

“Is this who I think it is?”

Yup. My eyes close again, only to open once more. This time I can see that I’m in a hospital room. The monitors beeping in their rhythmic cadence was a dead giveaway. I look at my arms, and there are IV’s running up and down. My breathing is labored, and it feels like I was hit by a ton of bricks. I can’t sit up or talk but I can see my Ex talking to what looks to be a doctor, or nurse, I couldn’t tell.

“He’ll be fine…”

“Are you sure?” I sounded like she was worried about me for a moment, then I remembered that she was nothing but a selfish cunt and was only thinking about her meal ticket. She knew I just sold the company and I can guarantee that she was only thinking about the money.

“Yes, we were able to get to him in time. He’s stable right now, but I’m sure you know as well as I do, if he keeps up on this path, he won’t last much longer. It looks like he hasn’t eaten in weeks. We are going to keep him here for a few days and have him go through a full psych eval.”

She just nods, and from my angle it looks as if tears were rolling down her cheek by the running of her mascara. The doctor shakes her hand and leaves. A nurse walks in as my ex sits down in the chair opposite of the bed. She slowly removes the tube from the throat, and immediately breathing becomes easier. I take a few deep breaths and roll my head over to her.

“The tears are a nice touch.” I said softly as my throat was currently on fire.

She looks up at me. “Even while dying you’re still an asshole…” Her head drops down into her hands. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this. In all the years of knowing her, she was above all else stoic. She didn’t show emotions and rarely, if ever, cried. I could only muster a small response.

“Yup.”

I’ll thank her tomorrow.

The Afterthought:


You see while I’ve done a great many things on this planet, there are a few things left that I must accomplish. Mainly proving to everyone that I am in fact one of the best to ever step into the ring. I have won a Helldome… hell I survived a Helldome. I was here in an era that wasn’t so PC. People throwing around terms that by today’s standards would get you fired. Back then they were a commonplace. I wasn’t above calling someone a queer, or cunt, or heaven forbid the n-word. It’s just that while the world has grown to show those words for what they are, hurtful and ignorant, I’ve grown out of saying them. Why? Because it’s passé to cling to them to get your point across. If you must stoop to those levels then you my friend are just another fad. Something that no one will remember. Speaking of remembering…
Steven how the hell are you?

Wait what? It’s Samuel? Who the hell names their kid Samuel? Or Shane? Or even Steven? Either way it doesn’t matter what your name is because once I’m done with you, no one else will remember it either. So that’s cool I guess. I saw that you updated your cool little blog, good job. I’m surprised that you are on the lower end of the autistic spectrum. Usually people of your kind are hell bent on trying to prove that you are not the way you are…
But sometimes it just shines too bright for anyone to miss. It seems like someone is over compensating for the fact that in his autistic mind he forgot. You needed to whip your lil smoky out for everyone to see. Yet I see through that. I see it for what it is, fear. All you could talk about in your little blog was how you’re bigger than me.

Yarp.

I see that you know Mrs. Lacklan. Great, I’m just wondering if you are somehow going to be more annoying than her All I see is this whiny cunt (See Noah I can be cool as well) filling up my feeds with moronic dribble that I really could care less about. So in terms of a name drop that wasn’t much of one, well one that I don’t care about. Also what the hell is a UGWC? Is that like some sort of failed abortion? Sorry madam but you’ve had a horrible case of UGWC and there’s nothing we can do about it. The child will be lost or come out looking like a jacked up Stretch Armstrong. Only mute, and only half as entertaining.

I like how your only refence point to me is the Bio Vinny made me put up. Really? You didn’t want to do a little big more digging? Seriously? You could’ve brought up how beating a former Universal, when it meant something and wasn’t being held by someone looking for the easy way out, champion. Even Top 50 all time….
These are all things that I have already told you, and I know you’re slow and all, but it was all set up on a tee for you. All you had to do was go all Big Mac on that bitch…. Wait Big Mac is a dated reference… hold on… Cody Bellinger… There we go. Just go all CB on that bitch and boom you’re off and running. Yet no. I tried giving Noah a shot, and he performed admirably. I tired giving Kuda a loaded M16 and he missed the mark, and now with you. It’s like do I have to spell it out for you?

I GAVE YOU ALL THE AMMO YOU NEEDED…

And much like the current generation of hip hop, you failed. You may as well have face tattoos and rainbow hair because from now on I don’t give a flying fuck about anything you think. See I said think, instead of speak, because you’re a mute, and that’s what I do to mumble rap when it comes on Spotify.
Reading your breakdown of my bio is pretty amusing to me. For example you said I have a lot of stamina is a weakness? What’s wrong with running you out of gas and then simply taking the W? It’s almost as if you can’t think proper….. That’s right.

Yarp.

I’m excited to see your Tag Team partner too. I can’t wait to see what kind of great breakdowns he will impart on us. Next thing you are going to say that I’m a powerhouse…. Holy Shit he did. Where the fuck did Grimace pull that from? I have never in my career ever been called a powerhouse. Piece of shit? Sure. Scumbag? No doubt. Powerhouse? Never. The only thing powerhouse like of me is my ability to get under people’s skin.

I’m sorry were the boys at WCF being mean to you? Do you need your big bro to go over there and shut them up? I’m sorry you couldn’t stand up on your own and fight that battle, because that would just mean you wouldn’t be here making a mockery of my XWF. You think that because you are mad at them I should be scared? I don’t give two fucks about where you came from, where you’re going. All I want is for your dumbass to walk to the ring like a man and get beat like the little boy you are in your head.

I’m glad that you are excited for Wargames. I wasn’t picked for a team. So sad, doesn’t matter on to bigger and better things come Wargames. I pulled my name out of the running for that shitty draft. I took one look at all the “competition” and Nope’d the fuck out. Not because I was afraid or scared, nope because no one in that draft is or will ever be in my league. Not even one of them deserved to be in the ring with myself. So I have set forward other plans for the Game of Wars, and shortly you’ll see too that when I say something I mean it.

Saying that you are going to put a hurting on me is just how can I say this, childish. There isn’t anything I haven’t seen or done in this industry. You think you’re the first Autistic Mute I’ve come across? Nope that would be M4 from HIWC, 2006. Good times. I beat him within an inch of his life. You see I have never cared about anything more than getting my hands on APEX for ruining James. I get where Centurion is coming from. He sees it too. He knows that Apex is changing James. It pains me to say this, but I miss the days of The Prophecy. I shudder just thinking about it, but it’s true.

I know what I am thinking calling out Apex. Am I crazy? Nope. Just yet again proving a point. Neither Bob nor Drew will open their mouths about it James. That’s because I’m right. They know it and they are afraid to come to grips with that fact that someone is actually calling them out about it. Think about it, right now Drew is probably trying to find some cat gif for his Twitter, while Bob sits you down and talks about how I’m the crazy person. I’m not. I for the first time in a long time have something, nay someone to stand for and I will not rest until that person sees the errors of their ways.

Last time I pleaded with James, this time its to you Centurion. You need to show James the light. You are the one that he will listen to. I know when I talk to him it just goes in one ear and out the other. With you at least there’s a 65% chance that it’ll stick. I don’t want to do what I think I’m going to have to do. So please Andy I beg of you…. Please just talk to James.

I’m afraid of what I’ll have to do next. The days are getting shorter for Apex and James, Centurion you must do what I have so far failed to accomplish. You need to talk some sense into James.

Sorry back to Shane…Steve… No, Samuel. Right. I want you to know that this isn’t going to go very well for you. I hope for your sake that you are ready to accept defeat and move on from it. Losing to me isn’t the end of the world big guy. You’ll just be the most recent in a long line of people who thought they were better than me. Sure a few of them even got one over on me, but the fact remains the same. I win way more than I lose. I don’t lose because people are better than me, I lose because I get bored. Well unfortunately for you Samuel I’m not bored. I’m well aware, I’m focused, and now that you’ve blogged some sort of retort, I’m motivated. I don’t want you to think ill of me when I finally put an end to the match. Seriously you seem like you’ll have a great career ahead of you here in the XWF, that is… if I allow it.

Honestly I’m sorry about the loss of your father. It’s tough, I’ve been there myself. Yet if you think for one single second that you are going to get anything resembling sympathy from me then you truly are dumber that you look. I don’t give a shit if your dad passed today, come Warfare your ass better come to the ring. Just because you have some grief doesn’t make you some sort of monster, no the monster is on the other side of the ring. And just because I am a kind and Just GOD….

You’ll be seeing your daddy soon enough.