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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » Anarchy Boards » Anarchy RP Board
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Presidential Hashtag
Author Message
Lacklan Offline
Low Effort



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


Post: #1
04-10-2019 11:52 AM



~Presenting the PrincessTwilightSexyFang podcast, as viewed on the most l33t streaming service EVER, CoolTube~

HIIIIII-iiiiiiii!

This is your reason for being, the home-made, organic, hand-churned yummy AS FLAME butter to Lux’s discount store, bottom shelf margarine, Sarah Lacklan-

MARRRRRKETINNNNNNG GEEEEEENIUUUUUUUS

-here to change your life, shape your world view, and give you the BEST promotional video-


((a VERY blatant and tired sigh from Kenzi))

-you have seen this week! Because not ONLY am I un-goddamn-STOPPABLE in the XWF, not ONLY am I the 2019 Queen of the Ring, not ONLY am I the QUEEN of Anarchy, but I have the BEST president that there has EVER been with me right here, right now. Say hello Mr. President!

HELLO!

((another VERY suffering sigh from Kenzi))

I would just like to take this opportunity to let you know that you are doing an AMAZEBALLS job as Commander-in-Chief, and you have, indeed, made America GREAT again!

THANK YOU. MY SKILLS ARE HUUUUUGE.

Yeah, they are! And know what is ALSO huge?

...oh God, please no…

I GUARANTEE YOU THERE’S NO PROBLEM. I GUAR-

Um...I’m sure you CAN, Mister President! Please don’t Biden me!

((yet another sigh from Kenzi, followed by a groan))

...I wasn’t voting for that guy, anyway…

Nope! Just the OTHER rich white guy on your side!

((Kenzi’s eyeroll is so hard that Sarah’s heart flutters))

N-E-Ways, what ALSO is HUGE was MY announcement on Saturday Savage that I will be using my upcoming title shot...which I won by beating the ever-loving PISS out of both Lux AND my Padawan-

Love her!

...to become the Queen of the Ring at March Madness...at the future Anarchy Championship! Because THAT is what this is all about, Fang Gangers! Being the FACE of the new brand so that this entire COMPANY can reach up into the sky and become something worthwhile. Because, sure, our Universal Champ IS pretty fuckin’ boss, and our Hart champ IS my Padawan-

Love you, Dolly!

-but just about everything ELSE around here needs one of my cute-as-FLAME heels shoved into their eye! I mean, yeah, there are totes people around here who think that jerk-offs like Lux are awesome and all-

WRONG

You are SO RIGHT, Mr. President! Hmmmmm. But, know what would make that even better? A hashtag!

wut

HMMMMMMM

((a loud clearing of the throat))

#WRONG

Sweet Baby Jesus, my heart is beating so fast right now that I just might DIE

...gross…

And the BEST president is SO RIGHT about you people being SO WRONG that even my doubters are sitting back and going, “Damn, that hawt albino chick really IS the shit.” But I REFUSE to rest on my laurels. I REFUSE to sit on my #SquatBooty. I REFUSE to let what is now MY brand be overrun by a collection of never-do-wells and rapscallions. Though, tobvs, Bobbi and Maxine are cool!

...can’t believe Kid Kool mistook Max for ME…

Neither can I, Beloved. Max might be the PERFECT bodyguard for Rox, but YOU have the sweetest booty in ALLLLLL the land! And I will not let MY land become BESMIRCHED by the likes of that trash panda Ruby, or that dude from the island, or that Aussie that can’t be bothered to talk about his opponents, and don’t EVEN get me started on Edgar!

...here we go…

Like, I totes get that people from the past will take the opportunity of this NEW brand, the newest BEST brand, in order to reinvent themselves, right? I totes get that people are gonna be all “ERMAHGERD! TEH HAWT ALBINO CHICK IS HERE AND NOW I WANTS TO BE.” And while that CAN be a GREAT thing, since ANYONE being on the card I headline gets TONS of exposure they otherwise wouldn’t have had, but then people like THIS GUY come around and turn it all to shit!

Like, I don’t even get why you would go into a pay per view event with a single PURELY reactionary promotional video...though, at least he didn’t just copy/paste, so as Daddy would say, be thankful for small victories...but then to FOLLOW that up by laying down for GILLY?! Jesus FUCK, amIright?! THIS GUY jobbed out to the guy who’s BEST line was saying that R.L. stood for Real Loser! How in the FUCK is he supposed to do ANYTHING to the Queen of the Ring...the Queen of Anarchy...if “Real Loser” makes him get so hurt up into his feels that he turns comatose?!

Its BAD ENOUGH that Edgar is a short dough-boy with a belly the size of Thad’s ego. Its BAD ENOUGH that his most DEVASTATING maneuver is to wave his arms around like a spaz before gently laying down. But to be SO INEPT as to give freakin’ Pete-Gill his FIRST win of 2019?! Lets be honest: Edgar might as well just walk into the ring, drop to his back, close his eyes, and cry on the inside for a bit while contemplating the shitty takes and choices which led to such a bumblefuck of a career.

Oh! And ANOTHER thing!


Babe! We need to get going. Our check-in time at the EconoLodge-

#WRONG

Yes, Mr. President?

YOU WILL STAY HER. SLEEP IN THE LINCOLN BEDROOM. YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PRINCESS, AFTER ALL.

YAAASSSS

...sigh…

We are TOTES gonna do it in the Lincoln Bedroom!

...well, I guess THAT’S okay…

Welp, ta-ta for now, baby birds! See you all REAL soon!
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[-] The following 3 users Like Lacklan's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (04-10-2019), Dolly Waters (04-10-2019), R.L. Edgar (04-10-2019)
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